Dear Infertility Virgin,
Welcome to the club! As a seasoned infertile, we would like to pass along a few pieces of advice as you start your (extremely long) journey towards motherhood.
- Start trying on your wedding night
What? You and your partner are not ready yet? Who cares. After your 24th BFN, you’ll wish you started on your honeymoon or on your first date.
- See an RE after one month of trying
Most medical professionals will tell you to try naturally for one year before seeing a specialist. They got that wrong. You’ll try for one month, then another, then another and then you’ll have to wait a few months until you can get an appointment with your doctor. By that time, it’s almost a year anyways. Be proactive.
- You will do strange things to enhance your fertility
You will read many books on how to get pregnant and you’ll try strange things including a full headstand after intercourse and eating pineapple in excess during your two week wait.
- You will soon know what “cervical mucus” is and looks like
Never heard of ovulation or cervical mucus before? You are about to become an expert and graduate of Cervical Mucus Academy. Don’t be surprised if you start using these words in daily sentences and you will soon know how to spell ‘Intrauterine insemination’ and all fertility medications.
- You will cry in random places after getting your period
You will go into a bathroom stall completely normal and leave in tears. Don’t be surprised if you have emotional breakdowns in public and in front of your boss. If you’re going to sob a lot, pick your favorite ‘designated crying area’ and bring some tissues.
- Your mother will clip out articles about infertility for you
Some articles will be useful but most will just make you want to cry. Continue to love your mother but don’t read all the articles.
- You will be jealous of anything that gets pregnant
It won’t matter if it’s a pregnant dog, cat, fish or Barbie Doll, when someone (or something) gets pregnant before you, you will feel jealous. And then you will pretend that you aren’t.
- It will feel like everyone on Facebook is pregnant
And it’s sort of true.
- You will examine the toilet paper a little too much
Each time you go to the toilet, you will examine that toilet paper and then examine it further if you see any signs of redness. There will come a time where it looks pink but it will turn out to be your finger behind the wet tissue.
- If you relax, it still won’t happen
You could send your uterus to a week long meditation and relaxation retreat and it still won’t come back pregnant.
….But then one day, it will happen. You just have to keep believing.
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