Feb 28
Reason suggested by Tiffany.
No! Telling you how much her kids daycare costs does not make you feel better about not being able to get pregnant. Telling you that she has not slept in 2 years does not make you feel better. Asking if you “still want one” after seeing her child have a temper tantrum does not make you feel better. Yes, unhelpful mommy friend, I still want to have a baby.
“We spent $30,000 a year on baby Timmy’s daycare; $40,000 on little Carol’s private school for the gifted… Are you sure you still want a baby? They are sooooo expensive.” Wow. Continue reading »
Feb 17
No doubt, your parents, mother-in-law, relative or friend has said to you: “Is there something you want to tell me?”
Translation
ARE YOU PREGNANT YET?
ARE YOU EXPECTING?
AM I A GRANDMOTHER YET?
You give the customary and polite “No, nothing yet” response but inside you are fuming. You don’t walk into somebody else’s home and Continue reading »
Jan 20
It’s strange. You would never describe yourself as a jealous person. A woman could flirt with your husband and you’re mildly flattered. Your friend gets a great promotion and you’re genuinely happy for her.
But when someone gets pregnant, whether a friend or a complete stranger, you’re jealous, evil side emerges.
It doesn’t even matter who it is. You’re completely envious of all your pregnant friends but you are also jealous of complete strangers on the street, Facebook friends from your past, your parents friend’s children, and anyone else who happens to walk by you that could look pregnant. Good lord, they don’t even have to be pregnant to get your jealousy started – you are jealous even if they seem to have an unconfirmed belly budge or if their television character is pregnant. You would even be jealous of a woman who got pregnant knowing that she suffered through years of infertility treatments. You would be jealous if you’re dog was having puppies, Mertie, the bird, got pregnant or even if a cartoon character was expecting. Damm you Marge Simpson! You never had infertility problems with Bart, Lisa or Maggie! You were jealous of the pregnant “man” and wished you could be the Octomom too.
Wow. Bubbles, your goldfish, is having babies. Yup… Still jealous.
Jan 13
The “You Know You’re Infertile When” series continues….
- You find out your mother’s friend’s dry cleaner’s daughter’s Facebook friend’s second cousin’s once removed is pregnant through IVF, and you are still jealous.
- You wear loose fitting shirts and pretend to waddle so people think that you’re pregnant.
- You inspect the toilet paper and your vaginal discharge at least 10 times a day.
- You anticipate hearing pregnancy announcements every time you see your friends.
- You’ve tried to increase your basal temperature by urinating while you take your temp.
- You feel your breasts, subtly, in public for signs of tenderness.
- You stop drinking coffee but then you cheat often.
- Excessive burping and farting during the two week wait excites you.
- You won’t use the telephone for the entire day knowing the fertility clinic will be calling.
- You always look at a stranger’s belly to see if she’s pregnant, and if she is, you glare at her.
Jan 11
If you are a true infertility, you know what the acronym TTC means because you chart your BBT almost everyday. But a serious infertile also knows the full infertility acronyms, SCREW YOU, style.
RE – Retriever of eggs.
BBT – Barren but terrific.
TTC – Trying to come.
WTFAINPY – Why the fuck am I not pregnant yet?
ITOPWIP – I’m the only person who isn’t pregnant.
YHTBITYALSDYT – You had two babies in two years? A little slutty, don’t you think?
MFAAPAAMEAITF – My friends are all pregnant and all my embryos are in the freezer.
ICEGPWTPTSRITE – I can’t even get pregnant when they put the sperm right into the egg.
WIOB – Where is our baby?
IDWTHYPN – I don’t want to hear your pregnancy news.
CMIMFTOM – Cervical mucus is my favorite type of mucus.
WRAIDH – We relaxed and it didn’t happen.
PTATD - Pregnancy tests are the devil.
IGHOFA – I get high on (folic) acid.
ILAMVDMTILAMH – I look at my vaginal discharge more than I look at my husband.
IWSMFCIIHT – I will stalk my fertility clinic if I have to.
IWTSBBIKTTIMH – I want to steal babies but I keep that thought in my head.
WSHH…… We still have hope.
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