Jul 06

Crazy Woman

You love your husband/partner. But sometimes you wonder ‘Hey. What if I had sex with multiple partners this month, would I get pregnant then?’ You wonder this inside your head but wouldn’t really say it out loud.

If people could actually hear the inner thoughts of an infertile woman, they would be scared. Very scared. And with good reason.

  1. I wonder if I had sex with multiple partners during ovulation, would I get pregnant then?
  2. I wish I could just steal that baby (but I won’t).
  3. I’m jealous of all the pregnant women at my fertility clinic.
  4. I’m jealous of that pregnant dog.
  5. There is no way I’m living childless with just my husband for the rest of my life (I love you, honey).
  6. That is some good-looking cervical mucus this month!
  7. When I do get pregnant, I’m going to start trying for baby#2 the second I give birth.
  8. I wish we started trying on our wedding night.
  9. I wish I started trying at age 13.
  10. During IVF, I’m going to put all the eggs back and not tell my husband.
  11. Sometimes hearing other people’s pregnancy success stories makes me want to bang my head against a window.

    Be very afraid of the infertile inner dialogue. We may look normal on the outside but we’re slowly going crazy on the inside.

    34 Responses to “#740 The Infertile Inner Thoughts”

    1. says:

      Soooo true! Also, “I wish I had morning sickness…I am so jealous of my puking pregnant friend.”

    2. says:

      Right there with you on the “I should have started trying when I was 13.” Sure, teenage pregnancy ruins lives! But at least they get to represent in the next generation, unlike all us infertile people.

    3. becky says:

      Love no.9

    4. Gina says:

      Too funny! We are a tad crazy on the inside, aren’t we :)

    5. scandinavian endo girl, only-aunti? says:


      Been through the whole list, but my no.8 is “I wish we started the day we met”

      I wonder if hubbys spermcount were higher eleven years ago?

    6. Kathy says:

      Number 12: (thought while looking at a family members with new babies) Mind popping out an extra one for me?

    7. says:

      I love this post. I totally think like this!!! Especially #3, #4, $7, #9, and #11.

    8. the misfit says:

      Too true. And, related to #9, “I know it didn’t work out for her, but…I think I probably could still have gotten a good college education and a job if I had gotten knocked up in high school…should I have tried that?”

    9. Gayle says:

      I had all the same thoughts back when I was T.T.C….. Everytime there was a girl/woman with a baby that looked like she was struggling or having a hard time with motherhood, I would think, “I’ll take it and raise it.”
      Also, my marriage didn’t work out…..but I KNOW that if I had not been married to HIM, I would have never been able to afford the IVF we had to go through. So I am still thankful for that.

      We did IVF and thank GOD it worked the first time (but I did numerous cycles of clomid, tests, and other fertility treatments for years before that). My second child ended up showing up (on his own) when my first was 3 months old! So it was like a double blessing!!

      I wish I could spread “BABY DUST” on all of you ladies who are trying so hard for a family. Please don’t give up!

    10. jessica says:

      So, so true. Every time any guy gives me any kind of attention, I think, “I wonder what his sperm motility is…”

      Yes, we are definitely crazy. But infertility alone is enough to make you crazy then when you add all the drugs and hormones, craziness is inevitable!

    11. Holly says:

      Love number 9.

      The other day I saw two young girls walking hand in hand at like 11 p.m. with apparently no parents in sight. Turns out they sneaked out the back door of a local shop but for a second I thought “Orphans. Honey, grab the car.”

    12. Lisa says:

      Sooo funny and true! I am always saying how I wish I had tried for a baby in high school….but then in lucid moments I realize how silly that sounds.

    13. Lisa says:

      How about a small edit on the last one?

      Sometimes hearing other people’s pregnancy success stories makes me want to bang THEIR head against a window.

    14. Ashlynn says:

      Sooooo relieved to know I’m not the only one who wonders what other men’s count/motility is.

      Today was a bad infertile day….poor Pregnant Lady in my office got growled at and eyes rolled at her all day long.

    15. #740 The Infertile Inner Thoughts…

      I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)

      [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The comment’s actual post text did not contain your blog url (https://999reasonstolaugh.com/2010/07/740-the-infertile-inner-thoughts) and so is spam.

    16. Sylvia says:

      Aaaah, great, I’m not the only one who’s going crazy! Thank you.

      Let me add another one: This pregnancy test probably isn’t working … Doctor Google says that can happen! (might be okay for one time but is surely a sign of growing madness if repeated every single month)

      Ooooh, I’m so happy for you! And only in the second month of trying, really? SPARE ME THE DETAILS AND LET ME HIT YOU ON THE HEAD!

      All the money I spent on contraception – should have bought a round-the-word-ticket instead!

    17. says:

      Sometimes the crazy thoughts in my head come out of my mouth before I can stop them. The other day I told my husband to hit the pregnant girl that waved at me with out car!

    18. Amy says:

      Let me add one: While watching the mother at Wal*Mart scream at her child, you walk by and say “just be glad you’ve got one!” Sadly, I came to that point the other day!

    19. Kendra says:

      I always think: Maybe I should become an alcoholic smoker who dallies in crack–that might make me more fertile.

    20. Kylie says:

      I have just been sitting here laughing my head off — a rare occurrence for me these days. I have thought every single one of these things a million times. When my husband’s cousin found out they were having triplets I screamed. Really??? I just want ONE! Thanks for publishing this.

    21. Melanie says:

      So true!! And #11, seriously true! I don’t care how many cycles of clomid, IUIs, IVFs or years you’ve had to endure infertility, once you have babe in arms you’ve changed sides. You’re a parent, I’m not. We’re not the same anymore, girlfriend.

    22. Suzy says:

      Love, love, love #6. Last month I ran out of the bathroom and told my husband about how great my cervical mucus looked and that we better “try”. It really doesn’t get any hotter than that.

    23. [...] I saw your profile pic here https://999reasonstolaugh.com/201…nner-thoughts/ That's how I'd describe myself as well….crazy crazy Wonder how DH puts up with [...]

      [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The comment’s server IP ( doesn’t match the comment’s URL host IP ( and so is spam.

    24. Li says:

      Brilliant post.

    25. Lisa says:

      My latest crazy thought is that they must have forgotten to put the test strip down on my tests. They are so bright and clear and white without any hint of an evap that surely that means they are defective.

    26. Kara says:

      I didn’t think anyone else thought number 1!! I would never cheat on my hubby, but in those insane totally irrational moments I’ve had that thought before – especially if I know the guy already has kids. But then I come back to earth and realize that no matter how much I want a baby, I wouldn’t hurt my husband like that just to get one! Great post, it made me giggle!

    27. says:

      LOVE love love this one! Yes, I do sometimes wish I’d been more of a slut in high school. I also sometimes wish it was socially appropriate to offer to adopt a friend/coworker/random stranger’s baby that they clearly don’t want/can’t take care of/whatever. Sigh.

    28. Poopie says:

      Totally hilarious!

      Oh..and Gayle can suck it!

    29. Some time ago, I did need to buy a good house for my organization but I did not have enough cash and couldn’t buy anything. Thank goodness my father adviced to take the personal loans from reliable creditors. Therefore, I did that and was happy with my student loan.

    30. Every body understands that humen’s life is very expensive, nevertheless different people need money for various things and not every one earns big sums money. Therefore to receive fast loan and term loan should be a correct way out.

    31. juicy outlet says:

      Great blog, just looking around some blogs, seems a pretty nice platform you are using. I’m currently using Wordpress for a few of my sites but looking to change one of them over to a platform similar to yours as a trial run. Anything in particular you would recommend about it?

    32. SQ says:

      For me,

      #12: Wishing that the now teenage daughters of some of my friends would get pregnant and can’t keep it and let me take it for my own.

      #13: Seeing a preggo at Walmart with 4 kids trailing behind her: Do you really need ANOTHER one??? Your current kids already look neglected and have bad behavior. You don’t need another one!! Just give that one to me!!

      #14: This one is really sad…standing outside of an abortion clinic to beg for someone to not go through with it and just give it to me after it’s born. I have even gone as far as to think of a plan to provide housing, hobbies, etc. for her during the 7-8 months of pregnancy.

      Sometimes I think I am demented for sure!

    33. I would add * sometimes I wonder if the miracle is just getting pregnant. Like if I could just convince my body to do it once, the next time will be a piece of cake. Like my hormones just need a jolt – “oh yeah, we’ve done this before – no prob!’ I just need that first jolt! delusions of an infertile…

    34. LLpak says:

      Lol!!!!!!!!!! all of these r so true! hav thot them atleast once since ttc.