The “You Know You’re Infertile When” series continues….
- You find out your mother’s friend’s dry cleaner’s daughter’s Facebook friend’s second cousin’s once removed is pregnant through IVF, and you are still jealous.
- You wear loose fitting shirts and pretend to waddle so people think that you’re pregnant.
- You inspect the toilet paper and your vaginal discharge at least 10 times a day.
- You anticipate hearing pregnancy announcements every time you see your friends.
- You’ve tried to increase your basal temperature by urinating while you take your temp.
- You feel your breasts, subtly, in public for signs of tenderness.
- You stop drinking coffee but then you cheat often.
- Excessive burping and farting during the two week wait excites you.
- You won’t use the telephone for the entire day knowing the fertility clinic will be calling.
- You always look at a stranger’s belly to see if she’s pregnant, and if she is, you glare at her.