Dec 18

‘Tis the season for those, are you pregnant yet? holiday questions. Here are some helpful tips on how to answer those annoying fertility questions during the holiday season.

Are you pregnant yet? -your Cousin Sally at the family Christmas dinner table
- No, we’re not pregnant yet. We heard the apocalypse is coming and thought it wasn’t the best time to conceive.
- No we’re not pregnant yet. We’ve decided to wait until our late forties when we are at our most fertile.
- No we’re not pregnant yet. We’ve decided to take a political stance. We are not having children until Jennifer Aniston gets pregnant.

When I was your age, I had four children by now -your Great Aunt Edna during present opening
- Wow. Four children. If we had four children by now, we couldn’t have taken our amazing  to Europe. How many vacations did you have, Aunt Edna? None. I didn’t think so.
- Your children really turned out well, Aunt Edna. Didn’t Billy marry his second cousin and isn’t Joey a full-time gambler? Congratulations on procreating.

Why don’t you try relaxing? -your mother-in-law while you are eating a second slice of chocolate cake
- Great idea. I’ll try relaxing. I really hope you bought me an expensive spa package for Christmas this year.
- Great advice! I should probably just relax now. I’m going to bed. Please clean up the dishes. – I hate to be the bearer of bad news but relaxing won’t make your son’s lazy sperm more plentiful.

Do you have any special news for us? -Uncle John, giving you a nudge and a wink (following cousin Martha’s pregnancy announcement)
- We do have an exciting announcement….We are getting a dog!
- Don’t worry, if we had an exciting announcement, you would be the last person to know.

When are you having children already? -Nosy Cousin Gerta
- We are having children when we can afford to do another IVF cycle. How about giving us $10,000 for Christmas?

Remember ‘Tis the season to feel more positive. Give it a try and happy holidays!

3 Responses to “#593 Surviving the “Are you Pregnant” Holiday Question”

  1. says:

    How does this post not have any comments?! So funny. Everyone in my family knows we’re TTC, so there’s this, like, LOOK everyone gives us when we’re in town for the holidays. It’s like a sad/hopeful, sympathetic/uncertain, wondering gaze that eventually fades when we don’t burst forth with a happy announcement after a while. I guess it’s better than nosy, direct questions …

  2. Heather says:

    Seriously the first time I have laughed so hard since we started “stepping up” this game of fertility attempts! Reading this blog will be my saving grace!

  3. Jude says:

    At a wedding once when I’d been asked one too many times why we didn’t have kids I smiled sweetly and replied:

    “Sadly my husband was bitten by a radioactive spider when he was a child, so now he can only reproduce with another super hero.”

    The expression on their faces: PRICELESS!