The Christmas holidays. An infertiles worst nightmare. You really thought that this year you would be pregnant. You had imagined telling your families under the Christmas tree and surprising everyone at the dinner table. You just know that old Aunt Millie will be asking “when are you going to have a baby?” and cousin Gertie will tell you that you’re next to get pregnant!
So how do you survive the hellidays? Do it, infertile style!
1) After you baste the turkey, show everyone you’re own transvaginal baster.
2) Wear a shirt that says “I miscarried this year and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”
3) Send a holiday card with the greeting “Happy Holidays” Love, your favorite infertile cousins. Include a photo of you and your partner kissing a test tube.
4) Bring a high chair to the table for your used IUI test tube.
5) Hang a photo of your IVF embryos on your Christmas tree.
6) Ask if it’s okay if your partner uses their bathroom to masturbate in a cup.
7) If anyone asks if you’re pregnant, throw mashed potatoes in their face.
Dis-invite children and pregnant women to the family dinner.
9) Decorate the Christmas tree with your used pregnancy sticks.
10) Tell the children that Santa is not coming this year because he only gives gifts to kids created from test tubes.