Mar 21

You have a friend/old co-worker/acquaintance that you see every once and awhile for lunch. You now have a 4 month lunch date reminder that you still aren’t pregnant yet.

Lunch 1:
Her: How are things? Are you pregnant yet?

Lunch 2 (4 months later):
Her: I was hoping you’d have a baby bump by now.

Lunch 3 (4 months later):
Her: Really? I swore you’d be pregnant this time.

Lunch 4:

The last time you made lunch plans with this girl, you swore to yourself that you would never schedule another lunch date with her until you were pregnant. It’s really too bad because you liked her a lot, and it’s not like you can explain this to her. “Yeah, Sorry, Melinda but we can no longer see each other until I’m pregnant. Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll see each other sometime between next month and the year 2025.” And you realize this is not a rational solution but somewhere over cob salad and your second glass of wine, you decide that you are willing to put the friendship on hold for a few more months.

Having lunch with her is sort of like visiting the dentist. Every time you visit the dentist you think, “next time I visit the dentist, I will be pregnant.” But next time comes and goes and you are forced to have those darn pregnancy no-no x-rays and provide dental hygienist, Rosie, with a list of your current fertility medications.

Sorry Melinda! But lunch has been canceled. Indefinitely. We will renew the friendship at a later date.

21 Responses to “#676 You Refuse to see your Friend until you are Pregnant”

  1. Allison says:

    wish i could do that with some coworkers….it’s beyond frustrating to get asked at least once every day, “are you pregnant?”

    i can’t get the flu, be late for work, not like a food, like a new food, feel nausea from a disgusting smell, wear different clothing WITHOUT them stating, “you must be pregnant.”

    no i’m not pregnant you &^%$#%^ and if i ever manage to get prego I’M NOT TELLING YOU!!!!

  2. says:

    YES. THIS!

    I’ve avoided pregnant (or newborn burdened) friends for a while now.

  3. notinfertilejustpregnancychallenged says:

    I stopped avoiding these people. I now tell them I am going to pick my baby up from Wal-Mart as soon as we are finished. Then I proceed to explain how many parents leave their little ones in the cart, turn their back, walk 5 or even 10 feet away and how easy it would be to just start pushing the cart. It horrifies them and I get a great laugh. Usually, they don’t ask me anything like that again! :o)

  4. says:

    Bahahahah – love the Walmart idea. ;)

  5. Christine says:

    I do the dentist thing every time. The last time was right after an IUI, so of course I turned down the x-ray. I just hope I have a real reason to turn it down next time.

  6. Alexandra's mum says:

    LOL @ the Walmart thing!

    I remember having weird, random “milestones” in my head for when I would become pregnant. Usually it had to do with an upcoming holiday-but sometimes it was just arbitrary like “by the time I see this doctor again (non fertility), I’ll be pregnant”. Sometimes I would also think to myself…”Ok, the next time I hang out with this person, I’ll be pregnant”. Eventually I had to stop putting time lines on everything because it began driving me NUTS!

  7. Gail K says:

    I have a relative that does the same thing, so I can’t exactly avoid her. I love the Walmart idea, though. I might just try it next time.

  8. scandinavian endo girl, angel mom. says:

    Alexandra´s mum.
    I did the exact same thing, but I didn´t go to my regular doctor for almost two years because I didn´t wanna see him until I was pregnant. When I finaly went I had been pregnant, but lost three weeks prior to that visit at week 19. I still have a hope that by my next visit I´ll be pregnant again. I even been to the dentist for the first time in four years, just so I won´t have to go when I get pregnant again ;)

  9. jdfan14 says:

    yep, actually have a friend who has kind of ditched me from her whole life, she has 2 kids and since then acts like i dont fit her world anymore b/c we cant share parenting conversations, like we dont have things in common anymore, well we were friends for 15 years so we had to have something in common for all that time. Feel like when we DO get pregnant i will call her tell her and then ditch her! Paybacks right! Guess I am bitter…lol,

  10. says:

    I wish you could avoid the friend invite on facebook from the old college roomie. You know the one, the one with her beutiful twin babies as her profile picture…and just say, “Sorry, I can’t accept your friend request until I am pregnant. Otherwise, I will obsess over all your pictures and simply want to kill myself. But, thanks!”

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

  11. says:

    So true. So funny.

  12. JC says:

    Too funny. I am dreading my dentist apt this week for this very same reason.. I feel resentful just thinking about his perky assistant asking if there are any changes to medical history. Arf

  13. Toni says:

    Sadly, I once avoided getting in touch with an old friend because I was certain his wife was pregnant or soon would be or had just given birth. Any one of the above. Well, he finally reached out to me and guess what she was pregnant. The most hilarious part of that story is, he was really writing to announce he’d written a book. You’d think that’s what I’d be jealous of but no it was the pregnancy. I felt like writing back “I’ll get in touch soon once I get knocked up too.”

  14. C says:

    I made a couple of new friends a couple of years ago and both of them got pregnant within months of each other, yippee.. I still maintained the friendship during their pregnancies hoping that one day I could join the club but once they had their babies (and now the babies are at least 6 months old), I couldn’t take it anymore. Infertility sucks!!! :(

  15. KDB says:

    Ahhh the dentist! You stuck a cord. I’m crying! I’ve put off my 6 mth cleaning until I “knew for sure” one way or another so I would avoid the Xrays (I was sure it took this month). Started today. Making apt. tomorrow. Suck it infertility! Suck it high school BBF who I found out was preggo 30 min ago on facebook! Suck it facebook!

  16. Oneperfectemby says:

    I can totally related to this..I remember when I fell pregnant once and MC at 8 weeks and I was already planning in my head at variety of friends weddings I will be in second trimester and can share with everyone…too bad I mc and now all those brides from 4 weddings, 3 of them have their first child…I felt ripped off as I have been married longer then them and how can they fall straight away on their honeymoon :(

  17. Maria says:

    In my case, it’s my family and my husband’s family I refuse to see until I’m pregnant. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked, “Why can’t you come over? Why can’t you travel for our (fill in the blanks for special occasion)… it’s just the two of you. You don’t have children.” It’s very annoying when people think you couldn’t possibly be busy because you’re not a parent.

  18. says:

    I have done this with friends. But I have also been avoiding the dentist for over a year – the last time I went I WAS pregnant and I don’t want to tell her about the miscarriage. And the longer I leave it the worse it gets. I know the dentist won’t give a shit, but I think I might change practice!

  19. Eve says:

    I did this with haircuts. “I won’t get a short haircut until I’m a mom and I’ll really appreciate it.” It got out of control. I finally gave in because I was sitting on it. Then I did this again, figuring for sure I would not tempt fate. Sitting on it again.

    Now I chop it off regularly with wild abandon.

    I did the same thing with a work wardrobe. “I can make this last a little longer because soon I will be pregnant and they won’t fit anyway.”

    Four years later, my clothes are threadbare.

    I have those friends, those family, those places I avoid… It is so weird what mind games we play with ourselves to keep sane.

  20. Trace says:

    This is so true!! I have (had) a friend who I’d text for her birthday… all she’d text back was Thanks – are you pregnant yet? or Any babies yet? Well, after 4 years I’ve officially forgotten her birthday. People are stupid

  21. ensha says:

    Yup that’s me. I’d been avoiding meeting my fertile myrtle best friend for the past 8 or so months cos I didn’t hav any ‘good news’ to share. She called me late at night a few weeks back and my first thought was: “God she’s gonna tell me she’s pregnant with baby # 3…” Turned out her father-in-law had passed away. The sad thing is, while I was obviously sorry for her loss, a part of me was still relieved. Pretty pathetic.