Dec 28

Sure you can have those boring old New Years Resolutions like losing weight, joining a gym or saving money but here are some more interesting ones that ring true for us fabulous infertiles.

  1. Stop using the word ‘cervical mucus’ in a sentence. This word might be socially acceptable to chat about at your fertility appointment but not as much during your business board meeting.
  2. Stop stalking your fertility clinic. You call your clinic in the morning and they do not call you back until 3pm. It drives you crazy but according to federal law, you don’t have the right to keep calling and calling.
  3. Buy toilet paper in bulk. Whether you’ve been trying for a few months or a few years, buying the TP in bulk is just best.
  4. Think of a creative response when you hear a pregnancy announcement. Sure, crying alone in the bathroom is fun but try to be creative. We suggest “Radical. That sure is neat-o and swell news!” or “Well golly gee wiz. If I’d have known you’re pregnant, I would’ve baked you my special apple tartlet” (say with a country accent).
  5. Stop pre-failing a fertility procedure. Your IUI or IVF cycle is next month but you seem to believe that you already failed it.
  6. Stop buying pregnancy sticks. They don’t seem to work and you can save your money for period-related alcohol and chocolate.
  7. Stop crying about infertility in private. You spend a lot of time sobbing in the shower, in the bathroom or alone in your car. How about some open public displays of hormonal rage and hysteria?
  8. Stop glaring at pregnancy bellies (or at least try to fake a smile).
  9. Stop feeling your breasts in public. Do they feel more swollen? Do they feel tender? Squeezing them together in public might scare other people’s children.
  10. Contact Facebook and ask them to start banning all ultrasound and belly photos. Ask to speak to FB president Mark Zuckerberg directly.

21 Responses to “#691 Your Infertile New Years Resolution”

  1. Alexandra's mum says:

    LOL @ 9 (so me), 5 and 6!

    My resolution is the classic “lose some weight”. I’d like to lose a few pounds before we go back to our RE again (stupid pcos).

    My other resolution is to not get too obsessive when we start treatments again. We’ll see how I do!

  2. says:

    My resolution is to guilt people into sticking themselves in the gut with a needle at least once. I plan to accomplish this by talking about low morphology, motility, egg retrievals, embryo transfers, HCG, progesterone, needles, needles and more needles non-stop. :)The outcome may be two-fold…they will probably stop feeling the need to share every itch, smell sensitivity and bout of morning sickness on Facebook. Mission Accomplished, fertile b*tches!!!

  3. says:


  4. Anonymous says:

    I really enjoyed reading your post – hope I don’t walk around feeling my breast too conspicuously!

  5. says:

    I think that my resolution will be to laugh more. to laugh about all of the the things that used to make me cry.

    I have to tell you Naomi, that I first found your website in 2009. We’d been trying naturally for just over a year and I was starting to get worried that something wasn’t working like it should. I didn’t feel like I yet ‘belonged’ at your blog, but I sure felt like I’d found someone who understood the things that I was thinking and worrying about. A few months later when we got our azoos diagnosis I was too devastated and overcome with grief to laugh at anything. In early 2010 I started blogging, partly inspired by your blog, and the whole blogging community. (your blog now actually has a special place on my own blogroll!) This online community has become a huge pillar of strength for me. It has only been in the last few months that I have been able to laugh about our struggles. It feels like a huge breakthrough for me, and I just wanted to say thanks to you for reminding me all along that there are plenty of reasons to laugh at infertility!!!

    Much love to you as we celebrate this holiday season and prepare to welcome another new year.
    xoxo – Foxy

  6. Jessica says:

    Seriously loved #10. No one wants to see your adorable growing belly but you. Truly, it makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

  7. Rachel says:

    #11 Laugh more
    #12 Do the things I enjoy doing, not the things I think I should (no more baby showers for me!!)
    #13 Remind myself that I should be thankful for what I do have, things could be a whole lot worse
    #14 Use the ‘hide’ button on facebook for all my pregnant friends
    #15 Have hope….

  8. Marci says:

    I take issue with your pregnant test buying ban. I go the opposite route. I buy pregnancy tests in bulk at the dollar store. It’s like a cheap thrill, without the thrilling part!

  9. Michelle says:

    You can buy preg tests at the dollar store??? That’s waaayyy cheaper than going to the drugstore next door! I have looked (once before) and almost bid on test strips on EBAY! I want to become more positive in the new year… In more ways than one! :)

  10. Renae says:

    LOL! This is just as funny and entertaining – and true – as you guys always seem to be!

  11. Brandy says:

    #6!!!!! YES!!!! I spend sooooo much money on HPTs, it’s ridiculous! My ritual is as follows: a week before my period is due, I begin peeing on a FRER, and then when I use all three in the box (in a two day span), I go and buy the off brand of the FR, and when I get a BFN on those, I use another brand. I am seriously addicted to them. I have a problem and I need help! LOL! It has got to the point that every time I go to WalMart or RiteAid, just like a smoker would buy a pack of cigs because it’s their habit, I habitually buy another box of HPTs! Even when I was pregnant (don’t be jealous girls, I went on to have a miscarriage at 5 weeks), I continued to take a digital every day to make sure I was still pregnant, and I would take FRERs just to watch the line get darker! I am obsessed!!!! Average amount spent on HPTs each cycle= about $200. And then of course, there’s the cost of OPKs (clear blue digital 20 pack), and those are $45. But it will all be worth it in the end, right?! LOL! Like you haven’t heard that one before!

  12. says:

    “Stop pre-failing a fertility procedure. Your IUI or IVF cycle is next month but you seem to believe that you already failed it.” That’s what I do every cycle. Is that what I’m doing wrong?

    Naomi you are the best!! Have a wonderful New year!!

  13. Brandy says:

    Oh, and about #10, we should just start hitting the “report as abuse” button… b/c it is abusive to us! We are a minority and it’s offensive! LOL!

  14. Ren says:

    I can’t see me giving up the HPT tests, I am well and truly an addict especially since discovering the highly sensitive cheap as chips ones off Ebay from China, you can get 100 for $15. Being able to POAS is the only control I have in the process :-)

    My new years resolutions is to get serious about losing weight after reading a study on BMI and increased miscarriage risk and number 5 on your list :-)Might take number 7 for a spin as well :-).

    Good luck ladies hope 2011 is a lucky year for us all.

  15. I laughed at #1…

    Our New Years resolution is to simply stay positive! Its difficult but remaining hopeful is one of the best ways of getting to where you want to be.

  16. says:

    My resolution is to handle my infertility in a healthy way… by blogging. :)I’m new to this, so feel free to leave advice.
    Thanks, and lots of BABYDUST to you!

    P.S. This website is my sanity on a regular basis!

  17. says:

    # 11. Stop being the topic of amusement for my fertile friends. So funny, thank you.

  18. Stace says: DH commented on #6 because I insisted on reading him this list after we returned from a lunch where we received ANOTHER pregnancy announcement (sadly, I hadn’t read the blog in time to offer an apple tartlet haha)…Anyway, he says “That part about alcohol and chocolate is SO YOU!”….Apparently my monthly wine and chocolate binges haven’t gone unnoticed…

  19. mad says:

    Our new year’s res this year was “Save up and have a holiday in New York”. Today my brand new ob gyn tells us we’ll be needing ten thousand dollars’ worth of laparoscopy and ivf… goodbye New York.

  20. 7 years and counting says:

    Not having kids gives us a freedom none of our friends have, we can go on spur of the moment trips and we have a little extra money to do it with. Even though it’s not the life we would have chosen for ourselves we have had to pay an unbelievably high price for the freedom we have so we might as well try to find some joy in it. That is our new years resolution.

  21. Sinan Ozyol Poops Himself says:

    Ha ha! #10 is the reason I no longer look at my Facebook account anymore.