During your two week wait, you are obsessed with your breasts. You hold them, feel for tenderness, lack of tenderness, examine your nipples, ask your husband to examine them, touch, poke, prod, jab, twist, turn and stare. In some countries, you might be considered a bit of a pervert.
Your poor boobies. They have been so ignored during the first week of your cycle. All you do is stick them into a bra and forget about them during the day. Then the two week wait happens and all of a sudden you are breast obsessed! Are they bigger? Are they swollen? Is one bigger than the other? Why were they sore at the beginning of the week and not at the end? Is your nipplarious area darker? Then you get a second opinion from an unwilling participant. “No, dear.” Your husband says staring at your chest. “ Your areola area does not look darker.” Still, you examine those boobies almost hourly, examining every spot and then asking Google if that’s an early pregnancy symptom. You could almost be a Mammogram Expert or even a Nipplarious Specialist at this point.
You know you’ve gone to far when you start feeling them in public. When you think no one is looking, you push and squeeze one to make sure that it’s still firm. But when those boobies start to deflate, you mentally deflate as well and stick those good-for-nothing, soft-to-the-touch, non-milk knockers back into your bra and ignore them again until ovulation begins.