You take the telephone to the toilet.
Your entire day revolves around that important phone call from your fertility nurse. When is she going to call? Why hasn’t she phoned yet? Maybe you should call the office. You wait for that call, sometimes all day, to hear the news – your blood work looks great, your embryos are multiplying, the doctor can fit you in tomorrow, your pregnancy test results are in. During the day, you will double check to make sure the phone doesn’t have a busy signal, you ensure your answering machine is working and you’ll you hang up on anyone who isn’t your RE. “I’ll call you back, mom. I’m sure you can tell me all about your emergency after 3pm. Just drive yourself to the hospital.”
Waiting all day for that phone call requires drastic measures to be taken. That phone MUST accompany you at all times. If you’re sitting on the toilet, enjoying a magazine, chances are the phone is right next to you. Should the phone ring, the nurse might hear a slight strain in your voice, delightful gassy background noises and the sound of a flush. For those checking for your period or drinking an excessive amount of water to prevent Ovarian Hyperstimulation, you visit that toilet at least once an hour. Phone sits on lap, butt sits on toilet.
If your husband asks you why the phone is wet, just say you accidentally urinated on it and not to use numbers 1-6. A good husband would understand.