My nephew had the flu and my Dad (god bless him but still) said to me and you want to get pregnant and have kids and deal with snotty noses. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to respond and say of course, why would I want my child to hug me and put their arms around me knowing I am the one person that can make them feel better. I didn’t I just cried instead and made him feel really bad.
When you go from just making love to your husband, to him reminding you to put your legs up and stick a pillow under your butt for elevation afterwards.
Back when daily ovulation testing was new, I would get so excited and call my husband before peeing on the stick. Oneday, I peed on the stick and I suppose I was looking at the result boxes a little too closely, because when I snapped the cap on the test, my pee shot right in my eye. It got pinched between the cap and the test:( I told my husband, “I will have to call you back, I have pee in my eyeball…”
That will always be one of my funniest moments in infertility.
My favorite is when I am discussing how annoying it is that we only have a slight chance to have children even with IVF (due to Severe Endo and only one remaining, very damaged and clogged fallopian tube) and people say, “You never know…it might just happen naturally…[insert ridiculous success story about so and so's cousin's sister in-law here].” Did I forget to clarify that my eggs are trapped in my ovaries and because of ongoing treatment for Endo, we will never have the luxury of just waiting around for that miracle?
I just laugh when I think abou all the money I tossed away on BC Pills.
At 46, it came as a shock to me that my friends all still worry about Birth Control. The bright side….my son is now 10 and I haven’t thought about BC even once.
All the years I spent stressing about getting pregnant and all the money I spent on contraception – the pill and condoms – only to find out I didn’t need to bother about any of it!
After my embryo transfer I came home to Google for pictures to see if my embryo looked similar to the quality ones posted online. After a while I realized that most I looked at were not even human! Canine, deer, mice, starfish, and equine were among some of the non-human embryo pictures I was studying.
Those moments when your IF brain works first… story on the news about the high rate of mother mortality in such and such country ……. and my IF brain thinks… mmmmm does that mean they would have a high infant adoption level… then my normal brain kicks in and I’m temporarily disgusted with myself
My IF Super Power is knowing exactly when a pregnancy announcement will take place. It starts with a “quiet” conversation between a couple or sisters at an extended family dinner, and the words “announcement” or “at the right time” are whispered. At that point my stomach leaps to my throat and my heart is about to beat out of my chest as the panic sets in. Excuses to escape cannot come for the life of me, besides, I didn’t even come in my own car! I think, “dang!… I knew I should have come prepared!” This at least gives me time to get my heart rate back down before the cat’s out of the bag. Sure enough, at a quiet moment when everyone is obviously listening, “Cousin So and So, did you hear I was pregnant?” [cricket, cricket] A few looks in my direction to see how I react… Thanks to my Super Power, I had already suppressed the emotions, and since Cousin So and So could care less, she only sees her once a year if that, I try to break the tension with the obvious and obligatory question that proceeds, “So…. When are you due?” I then internally pat myself on the back for not loosing it and lean to my husband and whisper, “Well, I guess that’s the price we gotta pay for a meal I didn’t have to cook!”
Because you used to be a private person who was too embarrassed to even have a male OB/GYN, but now, after years of fertility treatments, you don’t care who sees your hoo-hah or has to stick something up it for a treatment or a procedure.
As I was browsing the tv guide this evening, I came across a title on tlc I hope to never claim. No, not Kate Plus 8… It was 70 and Pregnant. After seven long years of ttc, another 41 years does not sound even remotely appealing. I mean, by now I get that it’s not gonna happen overnight, but 70? Can you imagine the technology that will exist when I’m 70! When I’m 70, there will be men getting pregnant faster than me. Oh wait…that happened already. What next? Hmmm-maybe there is hope for me yet. Ask me in 2050. Yikes!
When all your “we are pregnant and we diden´t really try yet” friends are having their cute little babies they come to the IF you for advice regarding whitch baby stroller, bed, sling, wrap, carrier or any other kind of baby equipment to buy. Googeling is a waist of time when they know the “baby oracle”
At least somebody can use the things I´ve learnd over the past years
Feeling depressed after seeing all the medical bills adding up on your credit card? Well, don’t forget how many “reward points” you’ve racked up! Huge debt, failed cycle, no baby, but hey you’ve got enough reward points for a $50 gift card! Woohoo!!
If one more person tell me to change their kids poopy diaper in order to get some “baby hormones” on me, I’m going to poke their eye out with a fork! Really, I don’t want to feed your kid, watch your kid, change your kid and I I certainly dont want to hear that evil Witch of the East laugh when you suggest the above thinking I, too, am going to laugh along with you. I’m not.
During my three year quest to conceive (still didn’t happen) I was asked if I was pregnant or told congratulations. You see I put on a few pounds and my stomach sticks out. The latest stylish tops don’t help. Anyway is this someones idea of a sick joke to ask a woman who is desperate for a baby, if their pregnant like 5 times in the past two years. Each time I want to scream “What the &*%$ is your problem don’t you know I am infertile. So yesterday while doing the laundry a woman said, “oh congratulations it will be a boy” After putting my head down in shame I politely said “oh it’s just the shirt” At the same time she told me she is psychic. Well if she is so fucken psychic how come she did’nt know I wasn’t pregnant. Then she said you will get pregnant and it will be a boy. Gee thanks! Then I am actually analyzing this womens comments. “Well she actually couldn’t be psychic because she thought I was pregnant. So therefore her prediction of a future pregnancy cant’ possibly happen because she was inaccurate the first time.” Oh boy! Did the Twilight Zone music start! I gotta stop this madness!!!!!
Infertility miracles. As soon as I mention our infertility situation I love how everyone knows someone whos had a miracle. Such and such FINALLY ended up pregnant at age 45. Or so and so was told they could NEVER have kids and then ended up pregnant 10 years later. See..you never know!
Umm…I dont think my husbands vas deferens is going to grow over 10 years.
When a doctor or nurse apologizes for discomfort or missing my vein when doing blood work, I’m finally at the point where I say “It’s ok, if this works, then I’ll be fine with this pain. And I’ll do it again if needed. As long as nothing is rectal, I’m good”
More than once a nurse has giggled and felt better about trying to get a different vein. My doctor appreciates that I’ve got a sense of humor about it all (even if it is wrong sometimes!)
Once at the mall, I was waiting patiently in a very long line for a cookie to make me feel better about AF’s dreaded arrival earlier that day. As usual, the lady in front of me was probably about 8 months pregnant. All I could think was “great. Really? What a sick joke?”. Just as it was almost my turn, some teenage kids stepped in front of prego lady and started order. In my hormonal furor, I yelled “Go to the back of the line. This lady has been waiting forever for her cookies!” I then spent the next hour silently patting myself on the back for defending the pregnant woman and her cookies. Might I mention I order like 5 for myself?
Each month after I realize I’m not pregnant I think about coloring my hair so I won’t have to during my 1st trimester of being pregnant. In the meantime, throughout each month I walk around dreading my roots hoping they will have to continue to grow and I can just explain to people my hair looks awful because I’m pregnant and don’t want to do anything to harm the baby (in hopes it will stay!)
In January I skipped donating blood because my doctor said it was better not to risk it while taking clomid to ovulate. Now, 7 months later, clearly it wouldn’t have messed anything up if I had donated. Feeling guilty and selfish.
I keep getting emails asking me to donate since they are at critically low levels.
I keep postphoning my annual pap smear because surely I’ll be pregnant soon and can just get that taken care of with regular pregnancy exams. I’m now a year late for my pap.
Why is it that people don’t let you say you are infertile? they keep telling me that I’m not infertile yet because I may still have kids some day, even if it takes 8 years….. so I guess you’re only allowed to claim infertility if you are post-menopausal or have a hysterectomy…
Its like they are too uncomfortable with the idea and won’t offer you an comfort/support/sympathy for what you are dealing with now simply because it may be reversible someday.
Oh.. and just because IVF is in an option and may work, doesn’t magically make $10K appear in my bank account.
I think of all the things I could have done with the money we used for IVF….by now, I could have:
1. a new pool
2. paid off my car
3. adopted internationally (including airfare)
4. put a down payment on a new house
5. took a trip around the world
6. bought an entire new wardrobe
7. bought a 3 carat diamond ring
8. donated it to some worthy cause (other than myself)
9. started a very large collection of several fur babies inc farmland
10. burned it in my fireplace for the same results
I just saw a documentary on a 71 year old woman who had a baby in India via IVF. She’s too weak from the birth to care for her kid, but hey, she got pregnant? Really? REALLY? What about a relatively healthy 37 year old like me?
I recently went for my first appointment with a fertility specialist. My heart was racing, and I thought… “Hey, while I wait I’ll read a magazine.” Every single magazine (no exaggeration) was for pregnant women. AND THIS WAS IN AN OFFICE FOR INFERTILE WOMEN! Geez…
I’m having a horrible day. My friend posted a facebook post complaining about how much daycare is going to cost her (she’s due in 1.5 months). Meanwhile I’ve been paying the cost of daycare in acupunture and doctors and labwork and I don’t even have a baby to show for it.
I then got into an infuriating discussion at work.
Suddenly, I perked up… hey, maybe I’m moody because I’m pregnant (10dpo right now).
Only you other girls struggling would understand how having 2 upsetting things happen can suddenly seem like a good thing.
I tried to tell my (pregnant) friend about what my options were going to be. After only half-listening, she starts telling me all about this celebrity couple and what they’re going through and how its really inspiring and how she understands etc… how the couple tried this thing called ‘IUI’ and have I thought of that. I had JUST been telling her how IUI was our next step and how I felt about it and the cost etc. Its like she knew more and cared more about what this celebrity couple was going through and it was some big entertaining drama for her. Meanwhile I’m living it.
Thanks a lot.
When I told a good friend of mine that my DH and I had been seeing an RE and that we were going to start our first cycle of IVF in the summer, she responded by telling me that she is currently renovating her house in order to get the spare bedroom done because she and her husband were going to start trying for baby #2. Really, I tell you that I am infertile and you start talking to me about how fertile you are?!?!?! Nice….
I keep thinking about Einstein’s quote that “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Einstein may have known a lot about relativity, but it seems to me that he knew something about infertility too On the dark days, it feels a bit insane to try to muster up hope that things will be different.
My best friend told me she wants to wait until she’s 32 to start trying for a baby. She knows everything I’ve been going through but insists that her gynecologist is ‘really good’ and that she got checked out and will have no trouble having kids. I wanted to shake her and tell her its not that simple. I tried to explain but she didn’t really care and is perfectly happy to assume that she’ll have no trouble at all. Besides, as she said, she’s ‘open to adoption’ as if thats any easier or cheaper.
The worst part is, she will probably have no trouble concieving and will probably even have an ‘oops’ baby before she was officially ready to start trying.
Those new iphone 4 video chat commercials are killing me. If its not the new father showing his baby to grandpa, its the soldier in Iraq seeing the scan of his baby. The latest one that caught me totally off guard is when the wife tells the husband she’s pregnant. They dragged it out and I just kept praying it was some kind of misdirect and ‘the little project’ they’d been working on was really a remodel of their kitchen. No such luck. Thanks apple for the sucker punch to those of us who would love nothing more than to tell our husbands we are pregnant.
I just read Lisa’s suggestions and WOW, those were good!! (not sure if it’s all the same Lisa but nevertheless, all good comments!)
Lisa says:
2010/07/14 at 6:50 pm
“I keep postphoning my annual pap smear because surely I’ll be pregnant soon and can just get that taken care of with regular pregnancy exams. I’m now a year late for my pap.”
That is SO me too!! The nurses at my RE kept asking about it, and I told the nurse: “Well I have no time for a pap, since I’ve been taking so much time away from work to come HERE!”
I seriously thought/hoped I’d be pregnant soon, so I’d get it taken care of then, just like you thought. Well I finally did break down and get my pap last month while we were on a break from treatments. Now at least I’m good for another year! I sure hope I’m pregnant by then! yikes!
We have a magnet on our fridge that reads: “Remember, as far as anyone knows we’re a normal family!” We got it when we first got married and thought it was hahaha funny. Now, it’s more like Ouch! Another day of pretending to be a “normal” family!
Guess what??? Infertility is a great way to eliminate junk mail! For some reason, we get tons of baby product samples. I called enfamil today to let them know that getting their product in the mail makes me want to inflict bodily harm, so could they please take me off the list? The customer service rep quickly informed me that she can take care of it… Why didn’t I make this call years ago?????
Reason # amillion — you are relieved when you see another woman carry a tampon into a bathroom stall, or when you hear that packaging crinkling and unwrapping from the stall next to you. “Yay, she’s not pregnant!!” There are always a million pregnant women all around you, but you’ve just found one who is not! Of course, she’s not even trying, and once she does she’ll get pregnant immediately, but for now, she’s dealing with AF just like you are.
when you hear an ad for “the biggest ever baby sale” at Toys R Us you think “Gee I wish that was true”. Unfortunately they aren’t selling babies – just nappies and prams and high chairs and boring stuff!
your mother-in-law says (on more than one occasion and in front of others), “I just don’t understand it…all I had to do was look at his dad and I was pregnant…first month off of the pill…just relax” which is followed by sister-in-law (who is married, but wants no children) “Are you sure you’re doing it right?” The first few times it made me mad, but on the 4th of July in front of 20 strangers all I could do was LMAO!
To Lisa…
My best friend had a grand plan too. After watching us go through hell and my insisting it’s not that easy, she insisted it had to be by her plan. I laughed, sometimes out loud, because I had a plan once too. One month after I taught her to chart…that’s right ONE month, her plan is working perfectly. Love her to death, but can’t help wondering why her plan worked when so many of ours don’t!
You used to be a conscientious employee who never even took a sick day and now you are missing work left and right, making up fake excuses, to see your RE. I really hope I get pregnant soon because I’m running out of excuses. How many times can you see the dentist in one month before your co-workers start seriously questioning your dental health??
When driving past a day care center you spot a giant banner in the front that reads, “Now Accepting Infants!” you think, “gee – so that’s how to do it — all I had to do is put out a sign… duh!”
Or – when you mention to a friend (who knows of your challenges) that a mutual friend is pregnant w/ number 4, so the first friend says to you, “did you tell her that they know what causes that, these days?” and you say, “Well, maybe someone should tell me! ha ha ha!!” b/c you genuinely thought it was funny…. But then, friend starts to feel all guilty about how insensitive she is — you reassure her it’s fine – you just thought it was funny… but she feels guilty to the point that she posts on Facebook how accidentally insensitive she was and elicits all kinds of sympathy and supportive comments back about how she’s really super great and all…. Meanwhile, you still think your comment was funny but receive absolutely no support – instead, you just have to reassure her that it’s all good.
Or how about when you have three friends in a three week span tell you privately that they’re pregnant (one for a third time) — and while you’re appreciative that they tell you privately, instead of in front of a whole group, you quickly become unappreciative once they start literally weeping copious tears of guilt, right there in the restaurant, over how horribly unfair it is that they got pregnant so easily – and you’re still not pregnant – and oh my gosh, it’s so awful and they just feel soooo very bad and horrible and how you must hate them and oh, booo hooo hooo – and you find yourself in the position of having to comfort them and reassure them that everything is great and you’re 100% delighted for them (which is probably a good 75% true – ok, it’s at least 60% true… 43%? Anyhow…) Meanwhile, it’s all about them…and so basically, infertile girl’s script goes a little something like this, “Gee, I’m soooooooo sorry that you feel soooo bad about my infertility. That must be really hard on you! Is there anything I can do for you??”
Well said Heather…someone actually cried to me while telling my she was pregnant with her third. Did I mention that it was during my only sister’s wedding reception and I had my period??? Talk about terrible conversations at terrible times! I’m glad to find, yet again, that I’m sharing these absurd things with someone who can understand!!!
It’s hilarious to me how many reasons there are to cry weepy tears to my poor sainted hubby, such as: I Phone commercials, wishing that instead of buying a box of pregnancy tests that I’d bought the necessary supplies for current period – including, but not limited to: three bottles of Shiraz and a few fancy chocolate bars, and b/c clueless people tell you things like, “you’re so lucky you don’t have kids…. mine are such a nightmare!” But my most recent reason was this past weekend when I found myself sitting in a Taco Hell off the highway, 300 miles from my destination, choking back tears along w/ my bean burrito, simply b/c I just saw the cutest family…. and I don’t mean cute as in Malibu Ken and Barbie cute (those types never affect me), but cute like my hubby and I would be cute w/ our kids – a little chubby and ordinary… a little mismatched and harried, but so obviously happy… and then I started laughing at myself at just how crazy I’ve become – and comforting myself b/c they say if you can think that you’re crazy, you probably aren’t really crazy… and then I drove away sobbing again. Crazy. Really, really crazy. Sigh.
Another reason to laugh- when you’ve depleted your savings and are trying to come up with ways to make money…and you have the fleeting thought of selling eggs. Oh wait. You’re trying to make money to use your own eggs properly, rather than giving them to someone else to fail miserably with. Yep, I really did think of selling my eggs for money. What a vicious cycle this is (no pun intended).
How about how having been nervous of even seeing doctors my whole life, I am now given needles, powders, alcohol swabs, and “instructions.” At the doctor there are all sorts of precautions with needles, etc, but at home in my bathroom it’s “good luck! hope you paid attention while watching ER!”
After putting off my baseline mammogram for over a half a year, I decided that I should really have it done while I am between cycles. When I was handed a little robe and told to undress from the waist up, I almost took off my pants! And then I thought, “no, she said up”. (By the way, mammograms suck too.)
When driving by the Abortion Center, having a fleeting thought of standing in front of the office saying “Willing to adopt” with my contact information. Just in case any of them are on the fence.
Seriously wondering about why I bothered with birth control in the first place, and wishing I had not been nearly so careful.
Snap Emma and Nicole!
My nephew had the flu and my Dad (god bless him but still) said to me and you want to get pregnant and have kids and deal with snotty noses. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to respond and say of course, why would I want my child to hug me and put their arms around me knowing I am the one person that can make them feel better. I didn’t I just cried instead and made him feel really bad.
When you go from just making love to your husband, to him reminding you to put your legs up and stick a pillow under your butt for elevation afterwards.
Back when daily ovulation testing was new, I would get so excited and call my husband before peeing on the stick. Oneday, I peed on the stick and I suppose I was looking at the result boxes a little too closely, because when I snapped the cap on the test, my pee shot right in my eye. It got pinched between the cap and the test:( I told my husband, “I will have to call you back, I have pee in my eyeball…”
That will always be one of my funniest moments in infertility.
My favorite is when I am discussing how annoying it is that we only have a slight chance to have children even with IVF (due to Severe Endo and only one remaining, very damaged and clogged fallopian tube) and people say, “You never know…it might just happen naturally…[insert ridiculous success story about so and so's cousin's sister in-law here].” Did I forget to clarify that my eggs are trapped in my ovaries and because of ongoing treatment for Endo, we will never have the luxury of just waiting around for that miracle?
I just laugh when I think abou all the money I tossed away on BC Pills.
At 46, it came as a shock to me that my friends all still worry about Birth Control. The bright side….my son is now 10 and I haven’t thought about BC even once.
All the years I spent stressing about getting pregnant and all the money I spent on contraception – the pill and condoms – only to find out I didn’t need to bother about any of it!
After my embryo transfer I came home to Google for pictures to see if my embryo looked similar to the quality ones posted online. After a while I realized that most I looked at were not even human! Canine, deer, mice, starfish, and equine were among some of the non-human embryo pictures I was studying.
Those moments when your IF brain works first… story on the news about the high rate of mother mortality in such and such country ……. and my IF brain thinks… mmmmm does that mean they would have a high infant adoption level… then my normal brain kicks in and I’m temporarily disgusted with myself
Its a Saturday night and im sitting on the computer trying to not think about the fact im 10DPO by looking at infertility blogs
My IF Super Power is knowing exactly when a pregnancy announcement will take place. It starts with a “quiet” conversation between a couple or sisters at an extended family dinner, and the words “announcement” or “at the right time” are whispered. At that point my stomach leaps to my throat and my heart is about to beat out of my chest as the panic sets in. Excuses to escape cannot come for the life of me, besides, I didn’t even come in my own car! I think, “dang!… I knew I should have come prepared!” This at least gives me time to get my heart rate back down before the cat’s out of the bag. Sure enough, at a quiet moment when everyone is obviously listening, “Cousin So and So, did you hear I was pregnant?” [cricket, cricket] A few looks in my direction to see how I react… Thanks to my Super Power, I had already suppressed the emotions, and since Cousin So and So could care less, she only sees her once a year if that, I try to break the tension with the obvious and obligatory question that proceeds, “So…. When are you due?” I then internally pat myself on the back for not loosing it and lean to my husband and whisper, “Well, I guess that’s the price we gotta pay for a meal I didn’t have to cook!”
Because you used to be a private person who was too embarrassed to even have a male OB/GYN, but now, after years of fertility treatments, you don’t care who sees your hoo-hah or has to stick something up it for a treatment or a procedure.
As I was browsing the tv guide this evening, I came across a title on tlc I hope to never claim. No, not Kate Plus 8… It was 70 and Pregnant. After seven long years of ttc, another 41 years does not sound even remotely appealing. I mean, by now I get that it’s not gonna happen overnight, but 70? Can you imagine the technology that will exist when I’m 70! When I’m 70, there will be men getting pregnant faster than me. Oh wait…that happened already. What next? Hmmm-maybe there is hope for me yet. Ask me in 2050. Yikes!
When all your “we are pregnant and we diden´t really try yet” friends are having their cute little babies they come to the IF you for advice regarding whitch baby stroller, bed, sling, wrap, carrier or any other kind of baby equipment to buy. Googeling is a waist of time when they know the “baby oracle”
At least somebody can use the things I´ve learnd over the past years
Feeling depressed after seeing all the medical bills adding up on your credit card? Well, don’t forget how many “reward points” you’ve racked up! Huge debt, failed cycle, no baby, but hey you’ve got enough reward points for a $50 gift card! Woohoo!!
If one more person tell me to change their kids poopy diaper in order to get some “baby hormones” on me, I’m going to poke their eye out with a fork! Really, I don’t want to feed your kid, watch your kid, change your kid and I I certainly dont want to hear that evil Witch of the East laugh when you suggest the above thinking I, too, am going to laugh along with you. I’m not.
During my three year quest to conceive (still didn’t happen) I was asked if I was pregnant or told congratulations. You see I put on a few pounds and my stomach sticks out. The latest stylish tops don’t help. Anyway is this someones idea of a sick joke to ask a woman who is desperate for a baby, if their pregnant like 5 times in the past two years. Each time I want to scream “What the &*%$ is your problem don’t you know I am infertile. So yesterday while doing the laundry a woman said, “oh congratulations it will be a boy” After putting my head down in shame I politely said “oh it’s just the shirt” At the same time she told me she is psychic. Well if she is so fucken psychic how come she did’nt know I wasn’t pregnant. Then she said you will get pregnant and it will be a boy. Gee thanks! Then I am actually analyzing this womens comments. “Well she actually couldn’t be psychic because she thought I was pregnant. So therefore her prediction of a future pregnancy cant’ possibly happen because she was inaccurate the first time.” Oh boy! Did the Twilight Zone music start! I gotta stop this madness!!!!!
Infertility miracles. As soon as I mention our infertility situation I love how everyone knows someone whos had a miracle. Such and such FINALLY ended up pregnant at age 45. Or so and so was told they could NEVER have kids and then ended up pregnant 10 years later. See..you never know!
Umm…I dont think my husbands vas deferens is going to grow over 10 years.
When a doctor or nurse apologizes for discomfort or missing my vein when doing blood work, I’m finally at the point where I say “It’s ok, if this works, then I’ll be fine with this pain. And I’ll do it again if needed. As long as nothing is rectal, I’m good”
More than once a nurse has giggled and felt better about trying to get a different vein. My doctor appreciates that I’ve got a sense of humor about it all (even if it is wrong sometimes!)
Once at the mall, I was waiting patiently in a very long line for a cookie to make me feel better about AF’s dreaded arrival earlier that day. As usual, the lady in front of me was probably about 8 months pregnant. All I could think was “great. Really? What a sick joke?”. Just as it was almost my turn, some teenage kids stepped in front of prego lady and started order. In my hormonal furor, I yelled “Go to the back of the line. This lady has been waiting forever for her cookies!” I then spent the next hour silently patting myself on the back for defending the pregnant woman and her cookies. Might I mention I order like 5 for myself?
When you go to an art show and all the abstract works look like sperm, except two which look like fertilized eggs. Seriously. Sperm everywhere.
When you cry during yoga class. That’s normal, right?
Each month after I realize I’m not pregnant I think about coloring my hair so I won’t have to during my 1st trimester of being pregnant. In the meantime, throughout each month I walk around dreading my roots hoping they will have to continue to grow and I can just explain to people my hair looks awful because I’m pregnant and don’t want to do anything to harm the baby (in hopes it will stay!)
In January I skipped donating blood because my doctor said it was better not to risk it while taking clomid to ovulate. Now, 7 months later, clearly it wouldn’t have messed anything up if I had donated. Feeling guilty and selfish.
I keep getting emails asking me to donate since they are at critically low levels.
I keep postphoning my annual pap smear because surely I’ll be pregnant soon and can just get that taken care of with regular pregnancy exams. I’m now a year late for my pap.
Why is it that people don’t let you say you are infertile? they keep telling me that I’m not infertile yet because I may still have kids some day, even if it takes 8 years….. so I guess you’re only allowed to claim infertility if you are post-menopausal or have a hysterectomy…
Its like they are too uncomfortable with the idea and won’t offer you an comfort/support/sympathy for what you are dealing with now simply because it may be reversible someday.
Oh.. and just because IVF is in an option and may work, doesn’t magically make $10K appear in my bank account.
I think of all the things I could have done with the money we used for IVF….by now, I could have:
1. a new pool
2. paid off my car
3. adopted internationally (including airfare)
4. put a down payment on a new house
5. took a trip around the world
6. bought an entire new wardrobe
7. bought a 3 carat diamond ring
8. donated it to some worthy cause (other than myself)
9. started a very large collection of several fur babies inc farmland
10. burned it in my fireplace for the same results
I just saw a documentary on a 71 year old woman who had a baby in India via IVF. She’s too weak from the birth to care for her kid, but hey, she got pregnant? Really? REALLY? What about a relatively healthy 37 year old like me?
I recently went for my first appointment with a fertility specialist. My heart was racing, and I thought… “Hey, while I wait I’ll read a magazine.” Every single magazine (no exaggeration) was for pregnant women. AND THIS WAS IN AN OFFICE FOR INFERTILE WOMEN! Geez…
I’m having a horrible day. My friend posted a facebook post complaining about how much daycare is going to cost her (she’s due in 1.5 months). Meanwhile I’ve been paying the cost of daycare in acupunture and doctors and labwork and I don’t even have a baby to show for it.
I then got into an infuriating discussion at work.
Suddenly, I perked up… hey, maybe I’m moody because I’m pregnant (10dpo right now).
Only you other girls struggling would understand how having 2 upsetting things happen can suddenly seem like a good thing.
I tried to tell my (pregnant) friend about what my options were going to be. After only half-listening, she starts telling me all about this celebrity couple and what they’re going through and how its really inspiring and how she understands etc… how the couple tried this thing called ‘IUI’ and have I thought of that. I had JUST been telling her how IUI was our next step and how I felt about it and the cost etc. Its like she knew more and cared more about what this celebrity couple was going through and it was some big entertaining drama for her. Meanwhile I’m living it.
Thanks a lot.
When I told a good friend of mine that my DH and I had been seeing an RE and that we were going to start our first cycle of IVF in the summer, she responded by telling me that she is currently renovating her house in order to get the spare bedroom done because she and her husband were going to start trying for baby #2. Really, I tell you that I am infertile and you start talking to me about how fertile you are?!?!?! Nice….
I keep thinking about Einstein’s quote that “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Einstein may have known a lot about relativity, but it seems to me that he knew something about infertility too
On the dark days, it feels a bit insane to try to muster up hope that things will be different.
My best friend told me she wants to wait until she’s 32 to start trying for a baby. She knows everything I’ve been going through but insists that her gynecologist is ‘really good’ and that she got checked out and will have no trouble having kids. I wanted to shake her and tell her its not that simple. I tried to explain but she didn’t really care and is perfectly happy to assume that she’ll have no trouble at all. Besides, as she said, she’s ‘open to adoption’ as if thats any easier or cheaper.
The worst part is, she will probably have no trouble concieving and will probably even have an ‘oops’ baby before she was officially ready to start trying.
Those new iphone 4 video chat commercials are killing me. If its not the new father showing his baby to grandpa, its the soldier in Iraq seeing the scan of his baby. The latest one that caught me totally off guard is when the wife tells the husband she’s pregnant. They dragged it out and I just kept praying it was some kind of misdirect and ‘the little project’ they’d been working on was really a remodel of their kitchen. No such luck. Thanks apple for the sucker punch to those of us who would love nothing more than to tell our husbands we are pregnant.
I just read Lisa’s suggestions and WOW, those were good!! (not sure if it’s all the same Lisa but nevertheless, all good comments!)
Lisa says:
2010/07/14 at 6:50 pm
“I keep postphoning my annual pap smear because surely I’ll be pregnant soon and can just get that taken care of with regular pregnancy exams. I’m now a year late for my pap.”
That is SO me too!! The nurses at my RE kept asking about it, and I told the nurse: “Well I have no time for a pap, since I’ve been taking so much time away from work to come HERE!”
I seriously thought/hoped I’d be pregnant soon, so I’d get it taken care of then, just like you thought. Well I finally did break down and get my pap last month while we were on a break from treatments. Now at least I’m good for another year! I sure hope I’m pregnant by then! yikes!
We have a magnet on our fridge that reads: “Remember, as far as anyone knows we’re a normal family!” We got it when we first got married and thought it was hahaha funny. Now, it’s more like Ouch! Another day of pretending to be a “normal” family!
Guess what??? Infertility is a great way to eliminate junk mail! For some reason, we get tons of baby product samples. I called enfamil today to let them know that getting their product in the mail makes me want to inflict bodily harm, so could they please take me off the list? The customer service rep quickly informed me that she can take care of it… Why didn’t I make this call years ago?????
Reason # amillion — you are relieved when you see another woman carry a tampon into a bathroom stall, or when you hear that packaging crinkling and unwrapping from the stall next to you. “Yay, she’s not pregnant!!” There are always a million pregnant women all around you, but you’ve just found one who is not! Of course, she’s not even trying, and once she does she’ll get pregnant immediately, but for now, she’s dealing with AF just like you are.
when you hear an ad for “the biggest ever baby sale” at Toys R Us you think “Gee I wish that was true”. Unfortunately they aren’t selling babies – just nappies and prams and high chairs and boring stuff!
your mother-in-law says (on more than one occasion and in front of others), “I just don’t understand it…all I had to do was look at his dad and I was pregnant…first month off of the pill…just relax” which is followed by sister-in-law (who is married, but wants no children) “Are you sure you’re doing it right?” The first few times it made me mad, but on the 4th of July in front of 20 strangers all I could do was LMAO!
To Lisa…
My best friend had a grand plan too. After watching us go through hell and my insisting it’s not that easy, she insisted it had to be by her plan. I laughed, sometimes out loud, because I had a plan once too. One month after I taught her to chart…that’s right ONE month, her plan is working perfectly. Love her to death, but can’t help wondering why her plan worked when so many of ours don’t!
You used to be a conscientious employee who never even took a sick day and now you are missing work left and right, making up fake excuses, to see your RE. I really hope I get pregnant soon because I’m running out of excuses. How many times can you see the dentist in one month before your co-workers start seriously questioning your dental health??
I had a dream about cervical mucus last night… CERVICAL MUCUS! seriously!
When driving past a day care center you spot a giant banner in the front that reads, “Now Accepting Infants!” you think, “gee – so that’s how to do it — all I had to do is put out a sign… duh!”
Or – when you mention to a friend (who knows of your challenges) that a mutual friend is pregnant w/ number 4, so the first friend says to you, “did you tell her that they know what causes that, these days?” and you say, “Well, maybe someone should tell me! ha ha ha!!” b/c you genuinely thought it was funny…. But then, friend starts to feel all guilty about how insensitive she is — you reassure her it’s fine – you just thought it was funny… but she feels guilty to the point that she posts on Facebook how accidentally insensitive she was and elicits all kinds of sympathy and supportive comments back about how she’s really super great and all…. Meanwhile, you still think your comment was funny but receive absolutely no support – instead, you just have to reassure her that it’s all good.
Or how about when you have three friends in a three week span tell you privately that they’re pregnant (one for a third time) — and while you’re appreciative that they tell you privately, instead of in front of a whole group, you quickly become unappreciative once they start literally weeping copious tears of guilt, right there in the restaurant, over how horribly unfair it is that they got pregnant so easily – and you’re still not pregnant – and oh my gosh, it’s so awful and they just feel soooo very bad and horrible and how you must hate them and oh, booo hooo hooo – and you find yourself in the position of having to comfort them and reassure them that everything is great and you’re 100% delighted for them (which is probably a good 75% true – ok, it’s at least 60% true… 43%? Anyhow…) Meanwhile, it’s all about them…and so basically, infertile girl’s script goes a little something like this, “Gee, I’m soooooooo sorry that you feel soooo bad about my infertility. That must be really hard on you! Is there anything I can do for you??”
Well said Heather…someone actually cried to me while telling my she was pregnant with her third. Did I mention that it was during my only sister’s wedding reception and I had my period??? Talk about terrible conversations at terrible times! I’m glad to find, yet again, that I’m sharing these absurd things with someone who can understand!!!
It’s hilarious to me how many reasons there are to cry weepy tears to my poor sainted hubby, such as: I Phone commercials, wishing that instead of buying a box of pregnancy tests that I’d bought the necessary supplies for current period – including, but not limited to: three bottles of Shiraz and a few fancy chocolate bars, and b/c clueless people tell you things like, “you’re so lucky you don’t have kids…. mine are such a nightmare!” But my most recent reason was this past weekend when I found myself sitting in a Taco Hell off the highway, 300 miles from my destination, choking back tears along w/ my bean burrito, simply b/c I just saw the cutest family…. and I don’t mean cute as in Malibu Ken and Barbie cute (those types never affect me), but cute like my hubby and I would be cute w/ our kids – a little chubby and ordinary… a little mismatched and harried, but so obviously happy… and then I started laughing at myself at just how crazy I’ve become – and comforting myself b/c they say if you can think that you’re crazy, you probably aren’t really crazy… and then I drove away sobbing again. Crazy. Really, really crazy. Sigh.
Another reason to laugh- when you’ve depleted your savings and are trying to come up with ways to make money…and you have the fleeting thought of selling eggs. Oh wait. You’re trying to make money to use your own eggs properly, rather than giving them to someone else to fail miserably with. Yep, I really did think of selling my eggs for money. What a vicious cycle this is (no pun intended).
How about how having been nervous of even seeing doctors my whole life, I am now given needles, powders, alcohol swabs, and “instructions.” At the doctor there are all sorts of precautions with needles, etc, but at home in my bathroom it’s “good luck! hope you paid attention while watching ER!”
After putting off my baseline mammogram for over a half a year, I decided that I should really have it done while I am between cycles. When I was handed a little robe and told to undress from the waist up, I almost took off my pants! And then I thought, “no, she said up”. (By the way, mammograms suck too.)
When driving by the Abortion Center, having a fleeting thought of standing in front of the office saying “Willing to adopt” with my contact information. Just in case any of them are on the fence.
Seriously wondering about why I bothered with birth control in the first place, and wishing I had not been nearly so careful.
Sometimes I stick my stomach out and look in the mirror and pretend to be pregnant. LOL!! HAHA!!