Feb 10
The conversation you never want to have with your parents.
“Mom, dad, we have something to tell you. We are having fertility problems. We did a Hysterosalpingogram with our Reproductive Endocrinologist and found out I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and husband suffers from Oligoasthenoteratozoospermia, Azoospermia or Oligospermaesthenia. We are going to try an Intrauterine Insemination before attempting In Vitro Fertilisation with Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection. If that doesn’t work, we’ll just take your super advice of ‘just relax and it will happen.”
No guy wants to know that his penis suffers from Oligoasthenoteratozoospermia, Oligospermaesthenia meaning poor sperm motility or Teratozoospermia meaning abnormal morphology in sperm. If male infertility isn’t funny, why must they give his penile diagnosis such long and complicated names? If wasn’t bad enough, telling the guys that he has Oligospermia with a hint of Teratozoospermia doesn’t make him feel all that proud. Why don’t they re-name to a more masculine medical diagnosis like “Largethinglackingsperm,” “Powerfulpenialspermia” or even “Bigontheoutsidebutemptyonthein.”
Your hubby suffers from Oligoasthenoteratozoospermia. Now try saying that tongue twister three times fast!
Feb 08
Your friend just had a baby.
You are soooo happy for her even if it only took her one month to get pregnant. You are definitely 90 percent genuinely happy for her and 10 percent envious. After all, she is your BFF, you should feel happy for her.
When you first found out she was pregnant, you cried. Your tears were 99 percent excitement for her and 1 percent tearful jealousy. She tried to break the news gently but you sweetly said “forget about it. I am so genuinely happy for you.” Even as her belly grew and you planned her baby shower, you were still soooo happy for her. Maybe 80 percent happiness and 20 percent jealousy. But of course, no one wants to hear that you’re jealous, so you just kept that part to yourself. You watched her post her “Bump Alert” photos on Facebook and felt obligated to comment on each photo so you weren’t the jealous infertile friend. “OMG, your belly looks sooooo cute!” “Look at how perky your breasts are!” Each time you saw her, you asked the customary “can I touch your belly?” question.
You were so freakin’ happy for her. Definitely 70 percent happiness, 20 percent jealousy, 5 percent guilt for feeling envious and 5 percent anger towards her for getting pregnant before you. Baby arrives. You feel genuine excitement and call up everyone to spread the happy news. You don’t feel a hint of jealousy. Well. Maybe only 40 percent. But the rest is genuine happiness, you promise.
photo: here
Feb 07
Infertility is no joking matter. But if it was, these would be the jokes….
How does an RE like his eggs?
Over 20mm!
Why did the RE cross the road?
Because there was an affluent, infertile woman in her 30s on the other side.
Why does it take 50 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because they won’t ask for directions either!
Two sperm were swimming through a woman’s body.
The first said, “Whew. I’m getting tired. Just how far is it to the uterus?”
“The uterus?” the second laughed. “We’re not even past the esophagus yet!”
You know you are trying to get pregnant when…Someone asks you today’s date and you reply “Day 21″ . . .
Why do gypsies have trouble getting pregnant?
They have crystal balls.
How many infertility patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Screw in a lightbulb! Hmmm . . . do you think it might help? . . .
Clomid, Progesterone and Laughter are the best medicines!
Fertility jokes from !
Feb 03
You purchase a lot of pregnancy tests.
You hate the pregnancy test. Sometimes you’re excited to take the test but most of the time, you don’t know why you bought it in the first place. Pregnancy tests are costly, drive you to depression and 99.9 per cent of the time, the results are negative. You just threw your money down the toilet. Literally. The sad news is that you will probably have to buy them again and again. So what can you do with all those leftover tests? Don’t throw them out. Re-use and Return!
- Return the negative tests to the store claiming that it did not have the desired results. You were not 100% satisfied with the product. Try scratching out the (one) line using an eraser or a marker so the test looks (almost) brand new!
- Use the leftover tests as drum sticks and form a killer rock band called “The Infertile and the Negatives.” Then audition for American Idol.
- Plant the negative tests in a garden planter and try to grow a baby. Two negatives equal a positive, right?
- Draw two lines on every negative stick. Next time a nosy relative asks if you’re pregnant, throw the tests at her and scream “Of course I am. Here’s the proof, grandma!”
- Give them out as party favors when attending your next baby shower.
See. Those negative pregnancy tests can be fun!
photo: here
Feb 01
Your friend is pregnant. You know because every day she posts pictures of her growing belly on Facebook, and then you spend hours crying during her baby shower.
But do you really have to play the extremely un-fun game of “Guess your Due Date” as well? This ‘game’ starts when your friend’s due date is nearing, and everyone is invited to play. People gleefully play the game, giggling “January 1… No! I’m guessing January 3 instead.” You might even play just to show you are a stable infertile and completely not jealous of her pregnancy. But with every good game, there should be a prize. So what do you actually win? I think it’s fair to suggest, you should win her baby. Just a joke, of course. You say to her husband with a strange high pitch laugh. You are also a fan of “Guess the name” and “Is it a boy or a girl?” But how about “Guess how much baby weight she’s gained?” or “Guess how long it took her to get knocked up?”
Now, they should participate your super fun games too. “Guess when you’ll finally conceive” or “Guess how many IUI’s you’ll have to do before getting pregnant” is always a fan favorite. Correct answers are the years 2011 through 2066 and 6 to 10 IUIs.
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