Aug 18

Dear Starbucks Customer Service,

You should really offer your female customers a Menstrual Cycle Day, half-priced Frappuccino. This will help decrease our anger and make us feel just a tiny bit better as we have an emotional breakdown inside your bathroom. You can call it the Bitchin’ Grande, Extra Caffeinated, Extra Mocha, My Period Just Arrived, High Fat, Whipped and Spiked Frappuccino.

Listed below, I have also included some other Frappuccino suggestions on your coffee menu.

Frappuccino Suggestions

I-Just-Peed-on-a-Negative-Pregnancy-Test Frappuccino
Drizzled with some ‘Why the hell did I waste money on another pregnancy stick‘ syrup combined with extra caffeinated (non-decaf) coffee,  fresh extra fat milk, blended with ice and heartache, and deliciously topped with whipped cream and a swirl of Fu!&ck This!

The Male Factor Infertility Frappuccino
A unique combination of multi-vitamins including Vitamin E, Zinc and FertilAid, topped with “You better stay away from that hot tub” syrup, a touch of coffee and fresh (non-soy) milk blended with extra ice (no overheating!) and sprinkled with regular exercise and a healthy weight. Drink no more than every other day.

The Relax and it will Happen Frappuccino
A stress-free blend of “your fertility advice sucks” syrup; sprinkled with “I went on vacation and didn’t come back pregnant” topping; blended with some decadent “I stopped thinking about it and it didn’t happen” cookie crumble.  Extra caffeinated, please.

The Failed IVF Frappuccino
A painful blend of a negative beta mixed with”I just paid $10,000 for my period” sauce. Drizzled with “I still have leftover fertility drugs in my refrigerator” and spiked with alcohol. This Frappuccino should be free of charge considering you have no money left.

The Kickin Infertility Ass Frappuccino
A decadent blend of optimism and perseverance; combined with determination and a little acupuncture; Sprinkled with everlasting hope, baby dust and lots of chocolate.

7 Responses to “#607 The Fertility Frappuccino”

  1. says:

    This is hilarious! So funny. My favorite is the Relax and It Will Happen Frappuccino!

  2. Alexandra's mum says:

    Bahahahaha! Nice :)

    Just had my first FET (3dp5dt)…hope I’m not drinking a “Why the feck did I pay for a frozen cycle when I only had one lone, fair grade embryo…I’m a dip shit” frappuccino.

    But to be realistic, if this does fail, I won’t be drinking my calories–I’m going all out with a super size Arby’s beef and cheddar with curly fries (my craving du jour. Ohhh, a craving! Perhaps that’s a sign).

  3. says:

    HAHA this was so funny!! Love the relax it will happen frapp!! awesome! and the male factor one too!

  4. jdfan14 says:

    Lol..I just paid 10,000 for my period frappucino….so funny!

  5. cloud24 says:

    I am living the Failed IVF Frapp… for the 3rd time. I am having my 15,000 period right now. :(Thanks for the laugh, it does help.

  6. Sophie says:

    Thank you! This saved my morning! I litterally laughed away my tears!
    Was just falling into blue mood as we lost 2 good blasts to the thawing process yesterday when I came accross your Frappucinos! Amazing what a funny webpage can do! More please! Sophie

  7. IVFmale says:

    I’ll take a Male Factor Infertility Frap to go!

    Thanks. This helped make me laugh after some very shitty news.