Aug 26

The nose blow and wipe. Only try this at home.

You were sitting on the toilet this morning when you noticed that the toilet paper had a trace of blood on it.

Your mind raced with exciting thoughts.

OMG. My period is not supposed to arrive yet. Could this be implantation bleeding?
It’s definitely not my period. Maybe I’m pregnant?

Then, you wipe again and the toilet paper is completely clear. What does that mean?! Now, you are sitting (attractively) on the toilet seat, feeling quite happy and hopeful that you might be pregnant until you remember….

You just did the nose blow and wipe.

Definition: Nose Blow and Wipe
verb   1. the act of blowing your nose on the toilet seat and then using that same toilet paper to wipe yourself after going to the bathroom.

You are aware that this is completely gross (that is why you don’t talk about it in public). But this time, your nose had been bleeding a little and when you used the same tissue, there was a little blood on the toilet paper. So it was likely not implantation bleeding but a direct result of the blow and wipe.

You’ve touched your cervical mucus with your own fingers; you’ve touched your own cervix to see if you’re ovulating and now, you’ve done the blow and wipe. It’s lucky someone wants to have a baby with you in the first place.

Implantation mystery solved, Agatha Christie.

13 Responses to “#606 You did the Implantation Fake-Out”

  1. says:

    OMG. I am rolling. Where you do get this stuff. This blog makes my day!!

  2. Many of the reasons are based on a true story… sadly.

  3. says:

    OMG! Nose bleeding can happen in pregnancy!! Definitely not too early to show such a symptom ;)lol.

  4. says:

    HAHA so funny!! blow and wipe!!!

  5. Alexandra's mum says:

    Ahhhhhhh! You know how to keep this blog fresh, Naomi, lol!

    I actually had some implantation gunk on the tp this cycle (FET #1). Still waiting to find out if it will be a chemical :/

  6. jdfan14 says:

    You so crack me up!

  7. Jax says:

    Did you know that if you stare long enough at the crumpled TP long enough, it does start to look pink? Lol.

  8. says:


  9. Thanks for the post

  10. says:

    hahahahahahaaaaaa yup. did this just the other day…

  11. Heather says:

    Bahahahaaa this just made my day! thank you!

  12. amanda says:

    I’m completely embarrassed that as much as I know, I don’t know what the “blow and wipe” is. And have no clue about nosebleeds during ovulation. And it’s killing me that I’m about to google both. I hate my life.

  13. Maria says:

    I remembered this pic on the Simply saline commercial wit Dr. Travis Stork (Doctors). I googled your blog and there it was:) I am never gonna forget this blog. Too cool!

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