Oct 18

It’s probably not appropriate to “touch” yourself in public. Nor is it deemed appropriate to squeeze the side of your breasts, stare at your nipples, analyze your areola area to see if they look darker, feel the your boobies to see if they are tender, and ask your husband if your breasts are bigger. As an infertile, you are doing some seriously inappropriate activity but it’s okay. You are completely justified. 

Being infertile (and pregnancy obsessed) means that you are going to acquire some strange behaviors during your two week “Am I Pregnant?” wait. You touch your breasts almost as often as you examine the toilet paper, AND you do it in public. It’s not that noticeable, you think. It begins innocently with a slight rub to the sides of your breasts while you’re walking down the street. Hey, these juggies feel more swollen than usual. Is this an early pregnancy symptom? You think to yourself. And later, you’re at the mall, and when no one is looking (or so you think), you poke at the side of your breasts. “Mommy, why is that strange lady touching her breasts.”  “No, don’t worry, security guard. I am just feeling the sides of my breasts for early pregnancy symptoms…. Yes…. I will leave the shopping mall immediately.”

The longer you’re infertile, the weirder you will become. It starts off with a quiet touch and poke. Then, you will graduate to a more obvious squeezing and asking your hubby if your boobies look larger. And then, you might even do a shot run or bounce down the stairs to see if they still feel swollen. Ok. You might not be the most stable wannabe mom but if a crack smoking teenager with 4 kids already is allowed to have a baby, you will be one fantastic and (semi) normal parent one day.

And you cannot wait.

13 Responses to “#709 You Feel Yourself Up (in Public)”

  1. scandinavian endo girl, only-aunti? says:

    *Thumbs up*

    I accidentally crash in to the shopping cart with my boobs a few times while shopping for groceries, done that for years. They gotta get sore at some point right, even though it´s form constant squeezing ;)

    Scandinavian endo girl.

  2. Misty says:

    I’m at 10 dpo right now so I’ve been “touching myself inappropriately” all week. I’m not only squeezing my boobs to see if they’re sore, I also have to keep doing it to see if they’re more sore than yesterday. My poor hubby is so used to it he asks for updates now.

  3. Toni says:

    I have a move I do. It’s a stealthy quick squeeze to feel if they are sore, which is actually probably not stealthy at all and really just creepy. But I can’t help it; I do it without even thinking.

  4. Marci says:

    Wow. I thought that one was just me. Glad there are others similarly afflicted with the booby touching.

  5. says:

    Yup, did this in front of my boss one day and didn’t even realize it until it was too late.

  6. Jenn says:

    I do this so often, almost go caught doing it at work the other day.

  7. Jessica says:

    I’m a huge fan of bouncing down the steps. I’m SO glad I’m not the only one!

  8. says:

    haha sooo true!! “And then, you might even do a shot run or bounce down the stairs to see if they still feel swollen” love it :)

  9. Wendy says:

    This post is totally me the last three days. So glad it’s not just me!

  10. Alexandra's mum says:

    OMG…I’ve so done this! I would just casually brush my arm against my nips, because they were always sensitive after o’ing. The boobs never hurt. Lol…I thought it was just me!

    The funny thing is, when I was pg w/ Alex, I wasn’t sore or tender at all. That, of course, messed with my head!

  11. cocobean says:

    Seriously can’t believe so many people do this too! I do this every month!! Cracks me up!

  12. Dresden says:

    I totally thought I was the only one who did this.

  13. Gaby says:

    I’ve so done this before. I thought no one was looking at work, so I squeezed my boobs to see if they were sore. Next thing I know was my co-worker Al was staring at me in confusion across the room. The next 5 minutes were really awkward as he pretended not to see me doing that. Infertility has made me weird.