When you’re an infertile, you don’t get invited to the party and thanks to Facebook, your friends don’t even try to hide it from you either. You knew it was little Lotty’s first birthday party but fertile Facebook friend failed to mention that she also threw a party over the weekend and you weren’t invited. Your other friends with kids got an invitation but it seemed that infertile couples were not allowed. On Monday morning, fertile friend’s Facebook status read:
Thanks everyone for coming to little Lotty’s first birthday party!
30 comments followed from all of your other friends: “We had a great time too!” “Thanks for the loot bag!” “Little Bart almost got sick after eating all that cake!”
Ummm. You don’t mean to be a bitter infertile but where was your invitation? First of all, you wouldn’t have wanted to come anyways. A room full of screaming toddlers, ten pregnant friends talking about babies and you and your husband standing alone in the I-can’t-get-pregnant-I’m-an-infertile designated waiting area. You would have rather had eggs removed from your uterus WITHOUT anesthetic before attending this party. You would have rather had a first time intern give you an HSG procedure before attending this party. You would have rather given yourself a fertility injections right where the sun don’t shine. Anything to not attend this party.
But it still sucks not to be invited.
Especially when you are forced to see all the Facebook photos of the birthday party the next day. Hey, there’s your best friend and her little guy at the party! Hey, isn’t that your friend’s friend’s friend at the party? How did your co-worker get an invitation?
You don’t want to go to the party but you’re still going to be mad that you didn’t get an invitation. Don’t try to reason with an infertile. You’re bitter, jealous and angry and you never like to be left out. Grunt.
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It gets even more fun though as someone with secondary infertility, because all the friends who had kids the same time as your first now invite you to their 2nd baby showers, their second kids’ first birthdays, etc and all you have to show for it are a couple of pregnancy tests that ended in miscarriages, and some nifty new scars from your laparoscopic surgery! Fun times!
(not that I’m bitter)
Exactly. We don’t get a say in being infertile, but we would like to be able to choose for ourselves whether or not we want to go to some brat’s party!
I had a few friends that were guilty of doing this to me to “save” me the discomfort. And then, as soon as Alex was born, I was suddenly in the “in” crowd again and received all the invitations. Honestly, it still hurts. Yeah, I didn’t want to go to the parties, but I didn’t want to be treated like a leper by being excluded. Let us decide for ourselves!!!
One of the hardest parts for me in terms of being infertile, was feeling left behind. It seemed like everyone was moving ahead with their lives but we were stuck in this limbo….
yes this has happened to me too, not invited to parties actually by my so called best friend of 15 years..one she had 2 kids, she pretty much wrote me off…and sort of said so in a way..b/c i dont have kids i dont fit in….well it’s not like we are not trying! really hurts to b/c i love her little girls but she is always to “busy” for me to get together. i have found out she really was not a great friend to begin w/then.
This has just happened to me, and I looked at all the party photos and all our friends were there, with there kids of course. My husband shrugged it off saying we would not have gone anyway but it just made me realise how left out I feel. I would have liked the invite to turn down. Makes no sense I know.
Waiting for Kid #2….I am right there with you. I have actually avoided all instances of anything dealing with other children my son’s age just or this reason. The Valentine’s Day party my meetup group hosted…..at least I was invited….but still, I didn’t want to spend my Valentine’s weekend watching those who are already holding thier second when their first is only my son’s age :/
Umm, I have had an egg removed without an anesthetic (in Japan) and it was more enjoyable that a first year b-day party. At the party, I’d be so upset, I couldn’t even eat the cake which the only reason I went in the first place. I rarely get forgotten, but I always decline and send a gift with someone else.
Yes! All of my friends have kids now (I’m in my mid 30s) and I’m never invited to anything anymore because it’s all very mommy-centric. I feel like a total leper.
I was looking online at planning a first birthday party (or maybe how bad of a mom I would be if I skipped it…) when I came across this thread. I’m sorry you were all blown off– that’s awfully crummy. As a new mom (who had one heck of a time trying to get pregnant), I do understand… But also, from a new mom with non-parent friends, many who don’t have kids treat you like a leper when all of the sudden you do. It sucks from both sides.
I just wanted to say, on behalf of new moms, I’m sorry. But seriously… I’m even trying to avoid the room full of screaming toddlers…
i just drove by the neighbor’s house where i noticed ALL the other neighbors, *who have kids*, at the party. but because we don’t, there was no invitation for us. … not even an informal voicemail. nothing. feeling left out and lonely. but the weird thing is, once we have a kid, will we suddenly be included??? do i even want to be included if i was EXcluded during my infertilness? what kind of ‘friend’ is that? And it’s just this one neighbor that does this. We get invited to the other kids’ parties. And we choose to go, mostly to build and maintain good friendships with neighbors. … the heck with the kids, they’re usually just running around like crazy while the adults are talking. So I don’t know why we’re left out, because they see us at all the other parties. (eye roll)