Remember the good old days when you had no idea what cervical mucus was; you didn’t chart your temperature first thing in the morning and you never had a full emotional breakdown if your husband was unavailable during your peak ovulation period.
Infertility has made you weird.
Remember the days when you used birth control pills so you wouldn’t get pregnant? When your older cousin announced her pregnancy and you didn’t burst into tear? When you would walk past a pregnant woman without glaring and feeling jealous of her baby bump? Your life has now changed. Oh, how it has changed.
You now know your husband’s exact sperm count and the rate of his motility (But doctor, his count was 1 million during our last appointment and his motility has gone up 10%). You now use words like ‘cervical mucus’ and ‘ovulation’ as if they are common words (I think I saw cervical mucus last month so I guess I ovulated. Do you think I could be pregnant, co-worker who I don’t really know?). You now have fertility medication in your refrigerator, right next to the milk and last night’s leftover quiche (Dinner time! Tonight we’re having meatloaf or Progesterone). You google all your fake pregnancy symptoms including (and not limited to): I have a cold. Am I pregnant? Strange twitches on left side. Am I pregnant? My right breast feels more swollen than my left. Am I pregnant already?
- You sob every time someone posts a belly photo on Facebook.
- A pregnancy announcement from your friend or a complete stranger can send you into an equal depression.
- You have and whythehellamInotpregnant.com bookmarked on your computer.
- You refuse to buy tampons/pads, just in case you might be pregnant this month (and your underwear suffers).
- You stop drinking coffee and then drink as much as you can once your period arrives.
- Seeing a drop in your basal temperature makes you inconsolably upset.
- You listen to Michael Bolton songs and it makes you think of your infertility journey.
- You feel relieved to see another woman carry a tampon into the bathroom stall.
Infertility has made your weird. But it’s not your fault. Blame infertility.
So freaking true!! Almost as if someone copied it from my journal!!! Please let it be my month!! Cd~14, 2 days past trigger shot. The hubby and I have been ttc 5 yrs. now!! All I want is a lil one of my own to cherish for eternity.
Very, very true! Thank Goodness for this website for a dose of sanity amidst the insanity of infertility!
Thank you for all the (this is all too true) laughs!!
I was a tad weird before IF reared its ugly head, so I’m scared to ask what I am now! However, are you really thinking that IFers drink just *coffee* when not in the 2ww? Let’s just say that I don’t drink coffee . . .
Thanks for keeping it real and keeping us laughing!
Don’t know why I came through as anonymous, but it’s me again!
Kristin (kekis),
I just checked to see whether there was a http://www.whythehellaminotpregnant.com and was really disappointed that it didn’t exist. I would visit that site often.
I tell my husband that if there are tampons in the house my period will WANT to come. We never buy them until I see blood or my temperature drops.
Just so you know, infertility makes you weird for life, regardless of whether or not you ever successfully get pregnant or have children! Face it, we’re a different breed. I was infertile for almost 9 years before I spontaneously (yeah, I know–I’m living my most hated cleche) got pregnant. I never thought I’d be pregnant and had finally accepted that idea. Now I don’t fit into the infertile crowd anymore, but neither do I fit into the ignorant blissful pregnant crowd. Of course I’m happy–don’t get me wrong! I just wanted you to know that you will never be the same again. Embrace your new self because that’s who you’ll be for life. The bright side? Even though we can never have that ignorant pregnant bliss, we will NEVER take our children for granted! Be strong! Stress is HUGE. Don’t let it take you over. That’s why this website is so awesome. It got me through.
This website is good for a laugh right around ovulation, b/c that’s when I feel like the “weird” person b/c I’m in between fertility drugs, I’m baby dancing on a schedule (and only we call it that), and I’m getting routine ultrasounds and posting pics of my follicle b/c I’m so proud of it. And then I visit this website on days like to day… when I have to laugh at infertility or I’ll have a meltdown over my BFN. I’ve only been actively TTC for 2 years. I look at you girls who have been at it for 5+ years and I get REALLLLLLY depressed!
Weird is when you pass a lady with a newborn on the street, and have the deranged idea that if you stop and talk to her, she might give you the baby. Maybe because there is snow on the ground and the baby is just wrapped in a thin receiving blanket and the mama is wearing shorts… but still, deranged all the same.
At least I can still laugh at my own craziness…
My husband has been deployed for five months, and I have had three periods and 2 BFNs since them, and we are not doing any fertility treatments while he’s gone. Despite this, I still think somedays I could possibly turn out to be a candidate on that show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” and that the menstrual cramps are really labor pains. Ha.
You know your in trouble when “my cervical mucous is just right” has become foreplay in your marriage.
Http://ineverwantedkids.wordpress.com
I agree with Heather about IF making you weird for life. I am *so* fortunate that we were able to have a baby, but I still think I am forever changed because of IF. The stress and pain of that time kind of stays with you and sometimes I wonder if I will always feel a slight tinge of bitterness when I hear of someone “accidentally” getting pregnant. Yep-I’m definitely weird :p
I wonder how I will feel if we are lucky enough to be able to have a second or third child…if we are able to complete our family with one or two more kids. I wonder if it will take the sting out of infertility, or if I will always feel a little bit different? I’ll tell you one thing…it’s strange imagining a time when I won’t need to plan life around fertility treatments, when fertility issues are no longer a main focus, when it’s all in the past. Man, I hope that day comes for all of us!
Right now, I have a vial of HCG and lupron next in between the chocolate syrup and milk…lol. Yay, me!
Lol Michelle, Don’t feel bad…I used to drive to the RE’s office with my husband’s seamen deposit stuck in my cleavage. Gotta keep the boys warm. I am definitely weird!
Oh yes, it has made me weird! I told three girl friends last night that we should all take pregnancy tests for fun–”maybe one of us will come up pregnant but I know it won’t be me.” Great beer conversation, huh?
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were having dinner with another couple (also infertiles like us). We were in a small, crowded restaurant so we had to talk loudly to hear each other, and we were in very close proximity to other people on all sides. We got into an all-out vent session about how much infertility sucks, and halfway through the meal it dawned on me that we were more or less shouting phrases/words like, “semen sample,” “the porn at fertility clinics sucks,” “I can’t stop feeling my own boobs,” “bad eggs,” etc. It also dawned on me at that very moment that others around us might not be as desensitized to such language as we are after struggling with infertility. Yes, it has definitely made me weird, and not easily embarrassed.
I love this site I am 37 & we have been trying for 2 years our obgyn just referred us for IVF…its so sad and frustrating and so expensive!!! And like many people have said on this site everyone around me seems to be pregnant!!!! I just want to scream! Also am coming to terms with cervical mucus semen analysis etc. This site is a greqt tonic xxx
It’s made my husband weird too, yesterday he told me that if he knew for certain I would get pregnant the first time he wouldn’t mind too much if I slept with someone else.
That is not on my list of things to try!
I just totally humiliated myself in the grocery store. Ran into a couple that was pregnant at the same time I was, her pregnancy ended in a beautiful little girl and mine in miscarriage. We have seen very little of them since my miscarriage but today I ran into them and their 2 year old daughter and a big pregnant belly. I couldn’t leave the store without my stuff, I need it for fathers day dinner tomorrow so I went through the check out crying. I think I owe that 16 year old boy running the till a big apology!
I love this post because I don’t think fertile people understand how degrading/humiliating/down-right-creepy infertility becomes! I feel so bad that my husband knows more about the female reproductive system than most women! If people knew the crazy things that I’ve done/thought for the past 2 years, they would seriously question my sanity!!!!
Heather is absolutely right. We will always be weird. We were TTC for 4 years before we finally got preg. 5 years and 3 kids later I am still getting online and looking at infertility boards. After going through all that junk, I will never be “normal” again. No matter how many babies I have.
Haha! So true!
Somebody said they keep thinking they are hoping they could be on the show ” I didnt know I was pregnant”. I think that all the time! Maybe, just maybe, my body is hiding it from me? ha. Not likely.
Thank you girls…. I thought I was the only weirdo. I was cleaning out my bathroom cupboard yesterday, opened the door and was overwhelmed by pee smell. I almost vomited… I had saved pee at 4am the other morning, to test when I got up at 6… put it somewhere safe… must have forgotten it. Gross Gross Gross
This blog may have just saved my mental health. Every time I see an older-ish pregnant woman, I think, “She looks older than me! Or maybe she’s just tired..” And then I have an uncontrollable urge to stop and question her.
Thanks for this website! So many fertility fails, in the midst of stimming for IVF. Some of those needles hurt! This site helps me feel sane, confirms my creepy inner thoughts are acceptable and gives humour to the whole darn situation! Thanks ladies!