Jul 22

Another Fertility Patient:How long have you been at this fertility clinic. I’ve been here two months now.” You:This is my first appointment.” LIAR.

This is definitely not your first visit. Feels like you’ve been with the clinic since the early 80s. You meet a lot of interesting women during your fertility ultrasound and blood work appointments, and since you’re all sitting around wearing a loose fitting robe (and no underwear), sometimes you just start chatting. She asks you how long you’ve been with the clinic and you lie. No one wants to admit that you have been coming to this fertility clinic since before the internet was invented.

Listen, it’s okay to tell a little white lie. Considering during your actual appointment with the doctor, you have to be completely honest and open, answering completely embarrassing questions including (and not limited to)-

  1. My husband’s semen smells funny.
  2. Yes. I have facial hair.
  3. How often can we have sex?
  4. My cervical mucus looks too lumpy.
  5. (And the ever popular) Of course, I’ll make sure he ejaculates every second day.

And if you go to a fertility accupuncturist, the topics are equally embarrasing

  1. You want to know the consistency of my bowel movements?
  2. Why are you looking at my tongue?
  3. I haven’t ovulated since the 70s.

You have to be so bloody honest with your fertility doctor, you can tell those other infertile girls any damn lie you’d like. “Yup. This is my first IVF cycle.” “Sure, my fallopian tubes are clear as a whistle.” “I already have four children, I’m just here for fun.” “I love being infertile.”


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12 Responses to “#735 Fertility Clinic Liar”

  1. scandinavian endo girl, only-aunti? says:

    Love you Naomi. You make me smile and laugh every time.

    Our first meeting with the clinic was plain awcward, it´s getting better now that I´m getting to know everybody…. But hubby still think it´s awcward, I guess he needs to go more often ;)

    My fertility accupuncturist knows way more about me than my fertility-doctors, and I have no problem beeing totaly honest with him and drop all my crap at him. He still greets me when we bump into each other on the street or the mall ;)He is the best *thumbs-up* , I don´t know what to do without him. On our first session he asked some questions and wanted me to do things I never thought a stranger ever would ask me or want me to do..

  2. scandinavian endo girl – Great name by the way. Glad I can make you smile. I recently did this at a fertility appointment.

    Girl wearing robe- How long have you been with the clinic? I’ve been here so long – like 3 months now.

    Me- I’ve only been here 4 weeks. LIAR!! Only my uterus knows the truth.

  3. Nicole says:

    I’m wondering about the robe thing. I know it’s not the topic of this post, but I feel like I’m missing something because our clinic doesn’t have us sitting around in robes… Yours sounds more like a spa!! And yes, i’ve been at this clinic more than once. :: wink wink::

  4. scandinavian endo girl, only-aunti? says:

    I have to admit that I´m occupied with beeing invisible when I´m at the clinic, afraid of beeing spoted in that waiting area at the hospital… A co-worker might happen to pass by, it´s only a two minute walk away.

    I might suggest a robe and a pediqure next time I pay them a visit ;)

  5. says:

    It always cracks me up how the men have their “sample” in their pocket and they try to be so discreet handing it over. Of course we all know what business they had with the cup. I try to hide my laughter behind a magazine so they won’t see. Us women just whip it right out and sit it boldly on the counter.

    The only gripe I have with my RE’s office is they don’t ban children. I avoid all eye contact and conversations with anyone except with those who bring their babies. Those people get the evil eye!! haha!

  6. EMC says:

    My RE is in the OB department at the naval hospital – so the waiting room is full of pregnant ladies and I’m sitting there thinking “really, not only am I infertile, but they have to rub it in my face too? Stupid hospital”

  7. Candace says:

    You girls make me laugh. This blog is the only thing that makes me smile somedays.

  8. Bella says:

    You rock, Infertile Naomi!!!

  9. says:

    Hilarious. If I ever make it back to my RE I will say that.
    When my friend w/ a bunch of kids changes plans on me b/c her kids got sick or whatever, I tell her, “no problem, my sock monkey isn’t feeling too well either, and I need to take care of him”

    thanks for stopping by my blog

  10. granolablonde says:

    This is why I am so glad my new RE is considerate (read: expensive) enough to only have one patient scheduled per hour!!!

  11. Cherbear says:

    I was wondering about the robe thing too. I have never received a robe at my clinic. They should give out monogrammed robes as “prizes” for being at the clinic for 6 months…I would’ve gotten mine a while back! LOL

    And about the babies, I understand that some people have a hard time finding someone to watch their children…and they surely have secondary infertility, or have adopted. But it DOES always feel like it’s being rubbed in my face. I just can’t help the way I feel. I HOPE that when I am trying for my next baby (hopefully there will be a next) that I will be able to attend my appointments without child in tow.

  12. NikLin says:

    The worst was the first time I went to my RE (they have separate offices) but are part of a huge ob-gyn practice in a hospital medical plaza. So I braced myself as I went into the main practice to check-in, keeping my eyes straight ahead to avoid the expecting moms & the new babies. Got my paperwork and was off to find the RE office on another floor of the building. I never expected to walk in to her office to a receptionist that was clearly about 39 and half weeks pregnant. SERIOUSLY! You have a hundred employees downstairs… you couldn’t swap out a receptionist??!?? It’s always the worst when you aren’t prepared.