Feb 17

No doubt, your parents, mother-in-law, relative or friend has said to you: “Is there something you want to tell me?”


You give the customary and polite “No, nothing yet” response but inside you are fuming. You don’t walk into somebody else’s home and ask this question. If they wanted to tell you something, they probably would. “MIL- is there something YOU would like to tell me? Perhaps, a silly tale about your latest bowel movement or what happened this morning in the shower?” It seems almost better to have them ask you directly if you’re pregnant instead of dancing around the question. If there was something I wanted to tell you, I would tell you!

So, yes dear MIL, there is something I want to tell you. There IS something you need to know….

  • “This morning, I had a transvaginal wand inserted into my uterus to measure my follicle size, then my husband (aka your son) ejaculated into a semen analysis cup while reading a pornographic magazine, his semen was washed and then re-inserted into my vaginal cavity.”
  • “This morning, I inserted nine down there, and then made this delicious banana bread for your brunch. Enjoy!”
  • “This morning, my period arrived and spent half the morning crying on the bathroom floor. “
  • “This morning, I stuck a needle in my stomach, did fertility meditation and then ate an entire pineapple.”
  • “This morning, I had sex with your son and then did a hand stand for 30 minutes.”
  • “This morning, we decided to cryogenically freeze our fertilized embryos. Congratulations, you will have frozen test tube grandchildren!

Anything else you wanted to ask?

26 Responses to “#803 The "Is there something you want to tell me?" Moment”

  1. elephantscanremember says:

    Rock on. I love it!

  2. Jessi says:

    Awesome! :)

  3. The (Type A) Nightmare says:

    Have I told you that I adore you? LOVE IT!

  4. Rebecca says:

    LOL. The secretary of my department asks me this on a weekly basis. I think I'll try some of these for answers… :)

  5. Princess Jo says:


  6. Nicole says:

    You are the best! I don't know what I did before I found your blog :)

  7. InfertileNaomi says:

    My relative always asks me this "Is there something I should know?" Yes lady, my husband's semen is low!!

    Love your comments fabulous gals!

  8. The (Type A) Nightmare says:

    Awe! Thank you for the comment on my blog. You just might be the first person (besides me) who has ever addressed my future embryo. Love it! I'm smiling!!!

  9. Shanny says:

    I can't stop giggling! If I tell my MIL any of these she might just faint!

  10. MK says:

    Hilarious as always! :)

  11. Hopeful and Heartbroken says:


  12. Erica says:

    the phrase from my husband's culture is : "What is the good news?" which is so annoying. makes it sound as if everything else is bad news.

  13. the misfit says:

    PEOPLE SHOULD ACTUALLY SAY THOSE THINGS. When friends ask me "What's new?" in an especially meaningful tone, I ALWAYS say, "Do you mean, am I pregnant?" I do answer the question, but I make them acknowledge that it's what they meant, first. That seems only fair to me. If you want to know, ask. If you can tell it's not your business, don't ask. I'm not going to suffer infertility AND smooth out your faux pas on the subject, too. Screw off! (There, I feel better now!)

  14. April says:

    Ohmigawd….that was AWESOME. I literally want to say that to people ALL THE EFFING TIME. Just found your blog :D

  15. Eny says:

    this has absolutely nothing to do with your post, but i thought i would share it with you :)
    Once sperm enter the vagina, they slow down like four lanes merging into one: It takes 5 minutes for them to travel the 6 inches to the cervix and can take up to 72 hours to reach an egg.

    Also, the average erect penis is 6.21 inches, and a man will produce 14 gallons of semen in his lifetime – enough to fill up the tank of a car.

  16. Anonymous says:

    Thank you. I also hate those passive-agressive, snoopy questions. Like you mentioned it's usually my mil. Unfortunately, I am not brave or bold I sit through it with a fake smile on my face pretending it's no big deal but shame & anguish of recovering from her insensitive questions seems to last forever.

  17. Anonymous says:

    I have to endure this tonight with family. My sister in law has actually flat out ask me "are you pregnant yet" once. So family gatherings are not so fun. My planned answer for tonight is " well now that you mention it we do have to leave a little early, because, well your son/brother couldn't perform under pressure this morning so we couldn't do the iui. So now we have to actually go home and try the old fashioned way. Please wish us good luck"

  18. H.C. Bishop says:

    The pineapple comment is my favorite! On my first round of hormones I wanted nothing but pineapple for almost an entire month! Good thing I live in Hawaii!

  19. Anonymous says:

    That was great! Along with the questions, I also had to endure my MIL offering to let us use her uterus to have our baby. Ughhhh! That just took the cake under the subjects, Eeew! and Let's See How Many Things I'm Better Than You At. Arghhh! Plus, the fact that I was told that the reason why my husband was an only child was because my MIL had diabetes and couldn't have anymore children. Whatever!

  20. Nixf01 says:

    “Is there something you want to tell me?”

    Yes. But if I say it out loud, it’s likely to cause offence so let’s just sit here in silence shall we…?

  21. kc says:

    wow, this was LOL funny!

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  23. scandinavian endo girl, angel mom. says:

    Fortunately our closest family don´t asks questions like that anymore, but coworkers and distant “friends” tend to do once in a while. I´m working up my courage to answer that with an other question one day ;)I hope I´ll be brave enough to ask ” how about you, had any good s-e-x latly?”

    SEG, angelmom

  24. Anonymous says:

    My mil asked me “So any special news you want to tell me about?” every week for more than a year. Guess she has given up now!

  25. willithappen says:

    I know snoopy questions can be no fun but the flip side is having no family, or anyone that cares about your journey. My family is deceased and my husband’s family is absent…somedays I wish I could have such snoopy questions. I guess snoopy questions=family in some rights. From someone without a family of her own, and with lil hope of her own future family, laugh and enjoy the snoopies, its better than being alone. ~

  26. willithappen says:

    So the pineapple link doesnt exactly work. I can click it, and for about 3 seconds I can see an old post about pineapple but then it quickly takes me to the home page… hmm