It’s like you’re on The Amazing Race. You must get your husband’s sperm sample to the fertility clinic within 45 minutes.
You quickly review your options. The clinic is 20 minutes away, 30 in bad traffic. Will you make it if he does his business at home and you race the sample to the clinic? You might make it but just barely. You both decide that it is safer if he gives his sample in the car at the fertility clinic parking lot. Very romantic. But this will maximize time.
Time Remaining: 45 Minutes to get sperm to clinic!
You have driven like a mad woman and you are now sitting in the fertility clinic parking lot. Your husband is looking fearful beside you. “There is no time.” You shout to him and hand him the cup. “GO!” You throw a blanket over top of him and you let him get to work. You turn on the car and play some romantic music – like that will even help. Your husband finishes. You glance inside the cup. Looks plentiful. Good work husband! GO!
Time Remaining: 43 Minutes!
A knock on the car door scares the hell out of both of you. It is the parking lot security guard asking you to move your car. Yikes! You are parked in a handicap spot. As you have lost all of your dignity already, you grab your hubby’s sperm cup and stick it in your bra to keep that sperm warm. The security guard does not look impressed. Neither does your husband. GO!
Time Remaining: 30 Minutes!
Takes way too long to find a parking spot. But you are not panicking as you have half an hour left and you are right outside of the clinic. You’re wearing a short sleeve shirt and the sperm cup is sticking out from your chest. You quickly put the cup under your arm pit. GO!
Time Remaining: 25 Minutes!
Stupid elevator takes a long time. People are staring at you as they notice the cup under your arm pit. Your husband jokingly says aloud “Is that a cup under your arm pit or are you just happy to see me?” You glare at him. GO!
Time Remaining: 20 Minutes!
You arrive on the 10th floor and rush into the fertility clinic. There is a line-up at the front desk. You push ahead and other women holding sperm cups under their pits snarl at you. You don’t care. You thrust it into a nurse’s hand and tell her to keep it warm. She takes it from you and you give a sigh of relief. You start to leave and notice that the nurse has stopped to chat with someone. The cup is still in her hands, getting cooler by the minute. GO!
Time Remaining: 15 Minutes!
You practically fly into her and yell something about cooling sperm. She smiles politely as if she has heard this many times before. She reassures you and takes away the sperm. You have completed the race with 15 minutes to spare!
If you were on The Amazing Race, you and your husband would have been ‘the first to arrive’ and would have won the one million dollars! Instead of winning the money, you will be giving away money to that fertility clinic. One day, at your child’s wedding, you might even tell them the story of your adventures on The Amazing Race. I’m sure they would love to hear that story!