During the two week wait, you tell yourself “Self, if I’m pregnant, tell me in my dreams.” You fall asleep and let your dreams tell you the answer.

If you were a fertile, you would probably have a fabulous dream about a positive pregnancy test, a glowing belly and holding your precious newborn in your arms. In your dream, you and your partner would be dancing around, perhaps, literally, on a cloud, and grinning about your news. But you are an infertile and pregnancy dreams are rare, if ever. Instead, you dream about your menstrual cycle, a negative pregnancy test and losing your baby. You often know your period is coming a week before simply because of your dream. Perhaps you dreamed that your period arrived and actor Tom Cruise handed you a tampon and says “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Or something along those lines… Sometimes you dream that you take a pregnancy test but can’t tell if it’s two lines or one. Those kind of dreams make you happy. Maybe your dream is trying to tell you you’re pregnant or maybe it’s telling you it’s time to get your eye sight checked. You dream about other people having babies and holding other people’s babies, but why is it never you own?

But if you dream that you are charting your temperature and then Screech from the original TV show Saved by the Bell comes into the bathroom and tells you it’s low and then hands you a chocolate covered pretzel to be eaten at the stroke of midnight, you know that means your pregnant. Right?

Huh?