Another pregnancy Facebook announcement.
Harlowe writes: “Chaz and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting a baby girl in the fall!
Connie says: Congrats!
Bessie says: Great news! Can’t wait to see that baby bump!
Erica says: Congrats guys! Post photos of your bump!
Esther says: Mazel Tov!
YOU: Are you kidding me? You JUST got married!!!
Your first thought is NOT “Wow. Congratulations!” It is more like “But I just attended your wedding in the spring. How did you make a baby already!” You haven’t even received her thank you note yet. To make matters worse, her profile photo is her wearing a wedding dress and you know that photo will soon be replaced by the belly bump or the scary ultrasound photo announcing her pregnancy. For some reason, you thought you were still “safe” from the pregnancy announcement while she was planning her wedding. Like somehow, she couldn’t get pregnant if she wasn’t married yet. But it’s not the 1900s. Women get married without being married. But still. She JUST got married and a few months later this woman is pregnant? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? A little slutty fertile don’t you think?
But you politely wish her congratulations because you are awesome. And one day, it will be your turn too.
I’ve had these thoughts all too often. The next best is when you go to the wedding of one of your former students and then find out that she’s expecting within six months. Then to top it off, the “baby” is entering kindergarten while you’re still waiting on your #1…Either it’s going to happen in it’s own time, or I’m going to decide that I’m really enjoying all of the “freedom” I experience as a childless woman…
Yet another reason to stay off Facebook! I had a coworker who baptized her baby girl on her first wedding anniversary. I’m in awe of how quickly she got knocked up. And then she announces (as though I hadn’t noticed), “so many changes for me in the past year.” Yup, that’s the way it’s supposed to happen…life is good when God isn’t punishing you–which is how I take my IF.
LMAO at the “slutty” crossed out bit! Love it! Yep, thought this a zillion times. Obsessed over the span of time that it took my friends to get pregnant from their wedding date. The one thing I *knew* I couldn’t handle was if my sister got pregnant before me. That would have sent me over the edge….thank God for my sanity-it did not happen!
My cousin just had a FB uppdate whit “ouuups we did it again, expecting a babygirl before x-mas” It´s their #3 in 5 years… But becaus of my FB-ban, I know I don´t abide it but I´m not commenting anything though
, I haven´t told them congrats yet…. Actually one of my aunts (not the grandmother to be)revealed the secret when she was 7 weeks along, but it still hurt to see it for the mom and dad to be.
Looking forward to my next FET in a couple of months.
SEG
I can totally relate to this. My bff from high school called me and told me that her and her boyfriend were getting married. She also told me that since her little boy was already 5, they were going to try as soon as they got married to get pregnant. About two months after the wedding, she called and said she was pregnant! Since I already had my miracle little boy, I could be happy for her, but I was still thinking…”must be nice to plan for a baby and get one nine months later! It took us 5 years and 6 total IVF/FET cycles to get our little miracle. If you would like to hear our story, please visit http://www.ivfsuccessstories.info Good luck to everyone still trying!
Oooh I know that feeling all too well. Especially bad when it seems like *everyone* in your peer group is getting pregnant… So hard to balance your personal sadness and heartache with trying to just be a good supportive person. sigh.
Just had this happen to me! After announcing myself & my partner were getting married, so did our friends! They’re wedding was done in 9 months and we’ve still got another 3 before ours is finally here. We have been trying for kids for the last 3years so far and have now been told we have to wait another year before we can even begin IVF. They had said they had no plans to have kids anytime soon beacuse they just bought a house and with the wedding etc… Now I read a FB status announcing shes 13 weeks pregnant! I am happy for them, really. But it doesn’t make me feel any better in myself and really there isn’t anyone who I can talk to about it because all of my friends/family don’t know what its like to struggle having kids. None the less, I have congratulated them. After all, it’s not they’re fault I have issues. Thanks
I prefer to think of myself as the ‘Good Luck, Chuck” of couples…if I do/attend/have any part in your wedding; guess what? YOU WILL BE KNOCKED UP SOON! I try and be happy for everyone – and I AM – more cute baby faces for my Facebook stream. I was looking at that w/ a friend the other day and she said, “OMG EVERYONE in your facebook is pregnant or has a kid.” I said, “yep. except you and me…until I do your wedding, that is!!” 12 months (more really) of ttc later….I’m nonplussed.
What about ladies who JUST gave birth and then announce they’re expecting their second child? WHAT THE F?!
This is my cousin. Married: May 22, 2010. Daughter born: February 11, 2011. When my mother told me she was expecting (shortly after hitting the 2 year mark of TTC) I literally burst into tears. And now here I am, past the 3 year mark of TTC, still not pregnant, just waiting for her to lap me. FML.
Hi Everyone, I’m new to this site but I’m so glad to have found it. My husband and I have been ttc for 2 years now. We currently waiting for the smiley face that says we’re ovulating so we can go in for our second iui. My best friend, who got married two years after me, is going to give birth any day now. It only took her two months to make her baby. The doctor told us it’s common for couples to do iui 4 times before it takes. I haven’t told my family yet because I don’t want to get questions and have to deal with constant updates…”no mom, still not pregnant and they still don’t know why.” Of course, not telling anyone means I don’t have anyone but my husband to really talk to about this stuff, and I know sometimes he just needs a break. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not so alone.
sorry, I need spell check!
I can COMPLETELY relate to this. My cousin got pregnant on her honeymoon. She and I are at the age when the fertility is supposed to take a nose dive. At her first baby shower, I had to listen to her husband’s best man discuss her fertility. Creepy and disheartening. It was just around that time when I had started my unsuccessful fertility treatments. To top it, she got pregnant AGAIN with another baby. While I am really happy for her, I can’t help but think: What the hell happened to me? @Sinan: You’re not being punished. Although I think I’ll puke if I hear one more person exclaim how blessed they are for being pregnant. What? God, doesn’t like me? lol
This is so my story, it isn’t even funny! Cousin married last may, pregnant last July.
this is so my life. i don’t know anyone who TTC longer then three months. My cousin was married last august and is due this week. Must be nice…..
That was me- married in November- pregnant by the end of March and not pregnant by the end of May. Thankfully I never posted anything on FB about the happy stages, it would have made the month of miscarriage more painful.
Now I am seeing 2nd pregnancies from people who were giving birth around the time I found out I was pregnant- depressing.
All I have to say is 3 babies in 4yrs of marriage is just not fair!
I’ve just discover your blog!
And it’s unfair too in France!
All my friends get pregnant with 1sex-nap!!!!
And I can’t despite IAC and FIV…
So unfair!
This happens all the time to me. The hardest was when we found out my SIL was pregnant. She was married 2 years after us. She is older than me and has one ovary. MH told me not to worry because it would take her a long time to get PG. It took her a month. To add insult to injury, she announced the day before we got our BFN for IVF #1.
I say this, but I am truly happy for my SIL! I love her and my niece! It’s just hard when the majroity of women have no problems and you are still struggling to reach the same point.
i dread facebook at times b/c of this very reason. its like, aahhh what? didn’t you just say “i do?!” wth! thank goodness for that “hide” feature on facebook, that way when they do post their “blessed” news (b/c well, those who aren’t reproducing aren’t blessed, i guess) I don’t have to hear about EVERY doc appointment and ultrasound.
Yep. Happens all the time. Also, every time a facebook friend has a baby, I cant control the compulsion to calculate how many months elapsed from the time they got married to the time they actually had the baby. I really have to cancel my account.
I can definitely relate. I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew who are expecting babies this year, they’re all unmarried and under 20!
@G, I’ve already cancelled my Facebook account, and I’ve never felt better!!
whatever. i’m the only person in my extended family NOT to get knocked up before getting married. My cousins all had their babies at their weddings and THEN got pregnant again after they got married!
FB sucks. I’ve hidden all of the baby stuff, and they they did that huge change…now it’s almost impossible to hide anything from your news feed.
I also thought/think God is punishing me and that I must be a bad person…then my brilliant husband said…”if people like Genghis Khan and Mussolini, etc., can have kids…it clearly has nothing to do with whether you’re a good person or would make a good mother or not!”
Even worse is the uh oh im pregnant from the first time we had sex, shot gone wedding 10 days later… And being proud to post this all over fb. My other halfs co worker met this girl a month ago, doctor says shes four weeks pregnant and they got married last saturday…. Ugh… My hubby and i have been trying for 8 months ( i know not long yet ) but i have a small window to concieve because my ovary is going to be removed in the next year and the other is pretty much already defective… Its sickening to see this crap and my poor hubby has to see tgis guy everyday at work and listen to him brag about his to be babies… Shoot me now
Almost all my FB friends are prego and most are not even married. It just makes me sick and want to cry at the same time. The one thing that I want the most may never come. My 18 year old cousin got married a little over a year ago and 2 months later she was prego. Made me want to scream. I love her and her little girl to death but just doesn’t seem fair. When my husbands cousin got pregnant the 3rd time she put on FB that she was getting her tubes cut because she couldn’t handle anymore (this “child” is now 21 with 3 children 2 before marriage and 1 10 months after).
I went to the doctor today and it was all that I could do not cry when we starting talking about the fact that I still wasn’t pregnant and what the next steps are. It really helps to know that I am not alone and that there are others out there going through the same thing as me.
Thanks for the laughs it helps a lot.
I’m so glad I found your blog! The laughs really help.