Feb 23

Trying for a baby means you have a lot of sex.

But for someone having all this baby-making fun, where do all those sperms go? In “normal” fertile couples, they ‘do it,’ and his millions of sperms swim frantically until one breaks through the egg. In your case, his little generals seem to enjoy one last bachelor party in your cervical mucus water park, get hungover and completely forget to swim into your uterus. But where do they go? You have just been inserted with millions (or for those lower semen counts, just a handful) of sperms but they seem to have gotten lost along the way. Perhaps, like a typical man, those spermies swim past your uterus and up to your chest area to have one last grab or maybe they are waiting for your Luteal Phase to have a final drink as a single guy. Perhaps they got lost and swam into your eye lids. Is that really eye puss you have in the morning or could it be something else?

Where in the world do they go? Maybe they take after his slow Uncle Otis and each one bumps into one another on their way to the uterus. Maybe there is miniature ‘DO NOT ENTER‘ sign in your uterus telling the sperms to go in the opposite direction. “Can’t go in there, Johnny, it has one of those signs. Let’s swim down to the leg area instead.” Or maybe his little guys are just waiting for you to urinate because they heard there is a fabulous party in the toilet bowl later that night. They know you’ll wait as least 30 minutes to pee so they find a good book or look through your opening to occupy their time.

Be a man and just ask for directions this one time.

8 Responses to “#801 Where do the spermies go?”

  1. says:

    I love this! Especially because A) I just did that whole 30 min elevated/no peeing thing… and B) I told my husband last night to have a chit chat with his ‘men’ about what to do if they get lost!

  2. Alicia says:

    Well, my husband has bad morphology and low motility, so his are all swimming in circles trying to chase thier tails like a puppy would!

  3. says:

    You said it! I have often wondered this. The eye puss in the morning…hahahaha! Oh those silly spermies…can’t they just straighten up! Or is it my silly eggs that just do not want to drop and accept a spermie? I am stumped and pissed all at the same time!
    Thanks for the laugh!

  4. Amanda says:

    I don’t get it. I have been wondering this as well. With “unexplained infertility” I seem to ovulate every month, and DH had a fantastic S/A… so where do all those spermies go? Millions and millions of them… really… where are they? Especially if they can live up to 5 days… they must cover a lot of territory in that time.

  5. MES says:

    We joke that because my husband has ADD, it must affect his spermies as well, so they all drift off when they have a job to do.
    They’re like, ” hey look a vaginal wall, oohhh a cervice, oooh a leg.” They never can quite stay focused. Thats my reasoning at least; what else could it be?

  6. Kans says:

    If only they would ask for directions!

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  8. Gaby says:

    Oh god, this cracked me up. I wonder the same thing! A year and a half later and plenty of BFNs, I don’t know why I am still not pregnant (and we both already got checked — nothing wrong with either of us).

    My hubby joked by saying, “Well, these sperms are GUYS… so they don’t stop and ask for directions. So they must be swimming in circles…”

    Swim to the egg, you idiots!!!