Feb 28

Reason suggested by Tiffany.

No! Telling you how much her kids daycare costs does not make you feel better about not being able to get pregnant. Telling you that she has not slept in 2 years does not make you feel better. Asking if you “still want one” after seeing her child have a temper tantrum does not make you feel better. Yes, unhelpful mommy friend, I still want to have a baby.

“We spent $30,000 a year on baby Timmy’s daycare; $40,000 on little Carol’s private school for the gifted… Are you sure you still want a baby? They are sooooo expensive.” Wow. Putting it that way, maybe you’re right! I’ll just tell my husband that after years of trying and multiple fertility treatments that we no longer want a baby because daycare costs are too high. I really wish you would have told us before we spent $40,000 on failed fertility treatments.

And thank you for asking if “we still want to have a baby” after seeing your child have a full temper tantrum in the grocery store. Thank you. We thought all children were well-behaved and perfect. We also do realize that children “get sick a lot too,” and they are “very tiring.” But thanks for letting us know. Hold on a sec while I inform my husband that we no longer want a baby. We were under the impression that parenthood was easy and that all mothers got at least 10 hours of sleep, waking up refreshed and happy. Thanks again for letting us know that children get sick, are sticky and snotty, cry, pick their noses, and wear smelly diapers. We had just assumed that babies come out of the womb, with a grin on their face and reading the New York Times. We’re sure if you also realized these things prior to motherhood, you would have not wanted your baby either. Right, mommy?

Thank you fertile mommy but we know that babies are a lot of work, costly, cry, eat, pooh, barf, whine, and you know what? We absolutely cannot wait!

12 Responses to “#799 Telling me how much daycare costs does not make me feel better about infertility”

  1. says:

    YES!! i have gone through the same thing. we know how hard it will be to have a child and raise a child. we want that!! we crave that!

  2. Lisa says:

    Too funny. I will admit, though, that if I ever do get my miracle, I’d be all about the baby coming out of my womb holding a big-ass check!!!

  3. says:

    And this points to one of the biggest benefits of dealing with infertility–the amount of time, effort, and angst we spend trying to get pregnant will help us to endure those sleepless nights with thankful hearts!

  4. says:

    That was hilarious! Well said Naomi, as always!! (Thanks for using my suggestion, I feel honored!)

  5. says:

    so very well said!!

  6. Vanessa says:

    Amazing how you can come up with one reason after another that makes me slap my leg and laugh hysterically while nodding in agreement! So true – my sister just had her second and was trying to tell me about how much they spend on daycare and on how tired she is, as if that will change my mind. Someone at work also mentioned a clients’ bratty children and asked if I was sure I wanted them. Grrr…

  7. Em says:

    So true. Also, fertility drugs leave you feeling not so great at the end of the day too. Only U/S images of maturing follicles can’t smile back at you.

  8. says:

    AHHHHHHH I love this one! I want to smack them in their faces when they do that!…. “you can have one of mine” is my favorite line. F-YOU! :-)I let it out, and now I feel better.

  9. says:

    So, so, so, so right! I have a friend who always complains about not getting enough “her” time and not getting enough alone time with her husband and never having a night for just the two of them. I wish I could be more sympathetic, but mostly… I just wish that was my problem. ;o)

  10. kelley says:

    People who did not struggle or did not want kids are always going to do this. Its just normal to them. They don’t know how bad others want and try to have this miracle. Actually only the people who go through this understand, which is the same for any situation whatever it is money, love, cancer, death, tragedy. People are not thinking of your situation before they speak.

  11. Stupid damn Prometrium, I actually got teary eyed reading the last paragraph!

  12. Courtney says:

    Could you PLEASE e-mail this to my co-worker? It might seem a bit much coming directly from me. :)

    She is always saying “Are you sure you still want kids?” When her three-year-old son does something bad. And I mean, he’s THREE, of course he’ll act up – he’s testing his limits. But when she says it, I always want to be totally blunt and say, “Yes, I still want kids. No amount of crying, pooping, barfing, whining, etc. could change my mind.” I think that would catch her off-guard. But instead I laugh uncomfortably and don’t reply.

    About a month after her second child turned one, she popped into my office to tell me, oops, she’s pregnant again! She hasn’t told most of the office yet, but saw the heartbeat yesterday and so I imagine she’ll soon be making the announcement and then I’ll get to deal with the daily “How are you feeling? Oh, aren’t you so excited?!” while I go through another month of grief and hopelessness.

    Anyway, just found the site and I love it! I feel normal reading all of these!