Oct 05

Congratulations! You failed your first IUI or IVF treatment! Hurts pretty bad, doesn’t it?

You are now onto your second (or fourth) treatment and you will go into this cycle a little less optimistic, believing that it probably won’t work if it didn’t work the first time. Do you really think you can cheat on your next IUI/IVF and outsmart your body? If you are a true infertile, some of these ideas might have crossed your mind.

How to cheat on your IUI/IVF to maximize your chances:

  1. Get your husband/partner to drink extra coffee before doing his business. You think that if he’s more alert, then his little guys will be too.
  2. You’ve eaten pineapple during ovulation and the TWW because you read that it strengthens your uterine lining.
  3. You refuse to exercise during the TWW although your doctor recommends the opposite.
  4. You put at least 5 pillows under your behind following the procedure.
  5. You talk more to the sperms swimming inside of you than to your husband.
  6. You slip the nurse $50.00 to give you a little extra.
  7. You steal the doctors notes or bring in cheat notes to your procedure. (It worked during school exams).
  8. You take the catheter home and insert any leftovers yourself.
  9. You refuse to cough or fart for the next 24 hours in fear your future baby will squirt out.
  10. You pretend not to think about pregnancy during the TWW.

Yes, future children. Cheating is a good thing.

photo: here

8 Responses to “#881 How to cheat on an IUI/IVF”

  1. Shanny says:

    I definitely try not to fart after the procedure, its the secret to a succesful outcome… as you can see based on my results, I've farted lol

  2. Another Dreamer says:

    LOL about Shanny's comment!

    Hmmm… Maybe my IUI failed because I haven't ate pineapple in over 20 years. Damn. My lining is screwed!

  3. sunnymama says:

    Lol! I'd forgotten about the pineapple eating. There was also wearing orange. Hoping to start IVF again soon to try for a second miracle. Must find my lucky orange knickers. ;)

  4. jenicini says:

    8 and 9 are my favorites! Can I have a doggy bag for the leftover eggies? No violent outbursts down in those regions! lol

  5. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for making me smile. I am doing my first IUI after 20 months ttc and 1 ectopic pregnancy. Definitely did 1, and planning to do 3,4 5 and 7. And 9, you have to include sneezing there… i have perennial hay fever and trying to control sneezing NEVER works.. no wonder i am still not pregnant. Going to catch up with all your posts.


  6. Amaprincess says:

    LOL AT NUMBER 9!!!! I love your blog!!

  7. egghunt says:

    Tee hee hee! Another funny post. Thanks

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