Oct 18

Failed your last fertility procedure? Stop blaming yourself already because it wasn’t your fault! Here are some reasons why you might have failed your last IUI or IVF treatment.

  1. The doctor inserted the sperm into the wrong hole.
  2. Your appointment was too early in the morning and your uterus was still asleep.
  3. Your accidentally injected your fertility needle with your heroin needle.
  4. Your partner could not perform his best during his 7:00am ejaculation.
  5. During the sperm wash, the nurse accidentally used dandruff shampoo.
  6. Your eggs were mixed up with Cadbury Cream Eggs giving you 8 tiny chocolate bunnies instead.
  7. The doctor thought she saw a large follicle but it was actually a piece of a forgotten leftover tampon stuck inside.
  8. There was only bottled water inside of the test tube.
  9. The doctor told you that you surged but she was really talking about her son, Serge.

YOU provide reason number 10. Why did you fail your last infertility procedure?


21 Responses to “#873 Reasons why you failed your last IUI or IVF”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I failed my IUI because the nurse mixed up my husbands sperm with marshmallows. :)

  2. babyhopes says:

    I told my uterus to just relax and it would happen, but it wouldn't listen.

  3. liberalgranolagirl says:

    Haha! I'm too tired to think of anything but I am cracking up at the Cadbury eggs :-D

  4. Wifey says:

    I failed my IUI because they knew I was a teacher and instead of using a catheter with sperm, they used a straw with spit balls.

  5. InfertileNaomi says:

    Your reasons are better than mine!

  6. Fran says:

    AHhah fantastic! I think I failed my two FETs because the doctor just put back some ice and left the penguins in the freezer!

  7. Another Dreamer says:

    Love it.

    Hmmm… I failed my IUI because my eggs were too impatient to wait around for the sperm.

  8. Shanny says:

    I failed my IUI because my husband failed to teach his boys how to swim before hand.
    Ok this was corny but its all I got.

  9. Anonymous says:

    It was too dark in there buddy.

  10. Anasara says:

    I failed my last IUI because I mixed up my Clomid with Altoids.

  11. Maryna says:

    I suspect that I'm failing my IUI this very minute, since I'm inserting the Utrogestan too deep into my whoo hoo. It probably ends up in my womb.

    Any loser IUI sperm that hasn't managed to swim to my tubes yet, will probably nail those tablets and I'll deliver multiple healthy 2.5 kg Utrogestan tablets after 9 months..

  12. Anonymous says:

    I failed my last IUI because the doctor who did it was horrible and mean and told me it's your 6th time, why are you wasting time doing this – you should be getting IVF. And so I'm sitting there crying instead of thinking happy thoughts, and I think I scared the poor spermie swimmers right out of there…

  13. Elissa says:

    I failed mine because the sperm were just too traumatized after being left in a cup, WASHED and shoved into a catheter to do anything but roll over and die once they were out.

  14. JL says:

    …Because the swimmers were channeling Michael Phelps in a frat house instead of in a pool.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Healthy Utrogestan tablet in 9 months, which I quite liked, is almost South Park style! Awesome.

    What if a nurse mistaken washed sperm for mayo and licked it completely during a coffee break?

  16. Anonymous says:

    Because I had 20 follicles… is there even a word for that? 20-tuplets?

  17. Anonymous says:

    my uterus is made of teflon. Nonstick coating. Nothing sticks to it.

  18. Kelly says:

    I just have to say thank you. I just discovered this blog and it feels good to laugh (instead of cry) for once about the topic!

  19. Pickle says:

    I failed my last IUI because my sister set her wedding date 1 week before my anticipated due date had it worked…during my 2ww!!!

  20. manda says:

    I failed my last IUI because my dh isnt like hallmark..he didn't care enough to send the very best :)

  21. Anonymous says:

    I failed my last IUI because my husband couldn't find the lube in his "private room". He resorted to saliva, which he didn't know kills sperm. True story lol.