As a veteran infertile, you already know that are many ways to enhance your fertility including:
- Getting regular exercise.
- Take Folic Acid.
- Avoid artificial lubricants.
- Do it on the right days.
- Reduce caffeine and alcohol.
- Keep his parts nice and cool.
- Assume the right position.
- Chart your temperature.
- Do it every 48 hours if his sperm count is low.
…Blah, Blah, Blah. BORING!
You have tried all of these ways but nothing seems to work. You’re no doctor, but perhaps you’ve been getting the wrong advice about how to increase your fertility. According to no particular article or source, here are the real ways to enhance your fertility:
- Do it in a public place, preferably under an apple tree.
- Take a piece of broccoli and swallow whole.
- Do a full handstand after intercourse, followed by a full back flip. Your husband’s applause will increase his sperm count.
- Eat a bowl of melted chocolate without a spoon following intercourse.
- Have intercourse before Oprah but never during Dr. Phil.
- Create a fertility dance to a Paula Abdul song (other artists won’t be as effective).
- Melt 4 marshmallows and let sit overnight. Rub on your husband/partner’s nipples at 3:07pm the following day.
- Wear purple on odd numbered days, blue on even.
- Drink 4 tablespoons of wine from a baby bottle every Tuesday after sundown.
- Glue a tampon to your doorbell.
According to many anonymous specialists, these ways will enhance your fertility if attempted on the third of every month.