Parties with your friends sure have changed.

Once upon a time, the night ended with Mikey drinking too much and puking in your garden, and now the party starts at 2:00pm and ends by 4:00pm to coincide with baby nap time.

And then all the first birthday parties begin.

You and your husband arrive to a bunch of toddlers running around. Alcohol is minimal, if any, and there are heart shaped cookies for snack. You would have had a piece of birthday cake but you were turned off by the sight of your friends bottled breast milk sitting beside it.You can no longer have a conversation with your girlfriends without talking about breast pumps, strollers or dirty diapers. And they don’t talk to you about it. They are talking to your other mommy friends and you just stand in the corner, pretending to listen. Your daddy friend, Billy, who once ran naked through your street on a dare, now says words like “milky milk,” or asks “what sound does a doggie make?” or “who has a dirty bum bum?” You friends all chase after their kids or are busy reading a story about a cat and a furry bunny. Out loud. You all sing happy birthday to the birthday girl with a baby squeaky voice, and then politely clap and giggle as she throws cake in her face.

If you want to change the subject, try talking about your latest IVF cycle or how embryos were removed from your uterus last week. Perhaps, your mommy friends would be interested in your latest cervical mucus discovery or that your temperature was slightly higher this morning, making you feel somewhat happier. And please don’t make us hold your baby because we really want to but we’re tempted to steal it.

Happy 1st birthday.

photo: here