An infertile likes to torture herself.
On Infertile’s Worst Nightmare Day Mother’s Day, you checked your Facebook account, knowing full well you will be subjected to Mother’s Day photos and Mommy-related status updates.
Status Updates: “Post this on your status today if you are a proud mommy or mommy to-be!”
Infertile Status Update: “Post this on your status if you just spent Mother’s Day getting eggs surgically removed from your ovaries and then fertilized in a petri dish in hopes of becoming a mother.”
But because you like to torture yourself, you will probably wake up on Mother’s Day with a large sigh, sob uncontrollably in the shower, get into a argument with your husband/partner (because he doesn’t understand why you’re so upset), and then spend the rest of the day feeling moody. And you’ve probably ruined Mother’s Day for your own mother too. She’ll get the customary greeting card, flowers and brunch but you’ll have to excuse yourself from the restaurant table to sob on the bathroom toilet. And guess what? It is very likely that your period will show up today as well.
Later, you will check your Facebook account and view all the “Mother’s Day Photos.” You will attempt not to look at the photos but then you will. You may have even ‘hidden’ a few mommy friends along the way but, out of infertile curiosity, you will also check out their profiles to see their photos and do some snooping to see if their pregnant again. Which, of course, they are.
It WILL be your turn, maybe not today or tomorrow or next month but one day, it will be your turn. Just keep the hope.
This is so spot on correct. And AF did start on Mother’s Day for me. Perfect timing.
Nothing quite like having fertility issues and a mother who has passed away to make mother’s day “extra special”….I did torture myself with the photos and status updates, of course…SO jealous I may actually have turned green
So funny. So true.
Holy Cow did you nail it on the head
how appropriately numbered this post is….LMAO!!!
I was actually at peace this Mother’s Day…surprisingly. And when, on our way to dinner with my mom, we got behind a car whose license plate started with the letters “BFP”, I laughed so hard for so long and said “See? Even her LICENSE PLATE can get a BFP!” my husband thought i was honestly having a nervous breakdown!!! HA!
Love it! Thanks for this! I too was hit hard by all the post this as your update if you are a mommy! I finally gave in and asked people to pray for those of us who have always wanted a child. That kind of shut them up for a little bit, lol. Since I live at least 14 hours from my mom, I try to stay home and not think about it being mother’s day. I just don’t want to have to answer the questions about being a mom and getting a free meal. I felt sad when, instead of having my husband and children making me breakfast, I got up and my husband asked me to make him waffles. Finally that evening, my husband wanted to go get ice cream. I didn’t really want to go out for fear of the question I did not want to hear. And sure enough, when we got to the register, the lady asked me, are you a mom? I can give you a discount if you are a mom. I said NO and turned away. What I wanted to do was leap over the counter and yell, NO I AM NOT A MOM! BUT WE HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR 10 YEARS AND HAVE SPENT ALMOST 20 THOUSAND DOLLARS! THANKS FOR RUBBING IT IN ON THIS OF ALL DAYS! THANKS A LOT!!!! But I was proud that I didn’t say it, even if I was thinking it!
I’ve been laughing at this blog for a while, but today it hit a little too close to home. THe week leading up to Mother’s day, I received an invitation to a baby shower, a birth announcement and a person announced that she is pregnant. So it had been a bad week for emotional breakdowns. On Saturday, I had dinner with my parents, my grandparents, two sets of aunts and uncles and my sister to celebrate (DH went to the Kentucky Derby). I had already worked myself into a little madness/crying mess in the morning about what might be said/announced while I was getting ready, and AF was due that day. I was doing pretty good, even with my aunt discussing her grandchildren, until she announced that her son and dil are expecting. Luckily, I had already gotten up to go to the kitchen as she was saying it, so it was a quick exit, and only my parents and my sisiter noticed the crying fit (as far as I know). Af was late and as soon as I started to let a little hope in, it showed up on Monday morning. Then to top it off, on Monday afternoon, I received a thank-you note from a baby shower and someone else announced that she is expecting. That’s right…3 announcements in the span of one week. I avoided Facebook alltogether for 3 days, and still didn’t manange to miss all the Mother’s day stuff.
DH and I have been trying for 2 years. MFI. He just had a varicocelectomy the first week of April, so I wasn’t really expecting anything to happen this month, but I think infertility kills all rationality. For almost an entire year now, there has been an almost constant dozen pregnant women in our circle of acquaintances (between family, friends, and church).
So needless to say (but I’ll say it anyway), thank you for this blog, because most of the time it helps me to laugh at myself, even when it’s through tears.
Glad everyone survived Mother’s Day!!! xo Naomi
by the time the actual day rolled around my husband was calling it “the day that shall not be named”
I got an insulting one on my wall: Happy soon-to-be mother’s day! What the… Got that from one of the proud moms in my friends list. Soon-to-be unfriended in fact. Why oh why does everyone and everything around me seem to be mocking me these days and reminding me of my inability to get pregnant? Even the T-bone steak has drawn my ire. I write about that in my latest blog. http://www.preggyproject.com/2011/05/t-bone-steak-and-my-uterus.html
Well I spent the entire week before Mother’s Day crying and couldn’t figure out why until Friday-DUH, Mother’s Day weekend. Was out of town camping with my DH and close friends and pretty much spent the entire time trying to avoid everyone else so they wouldn’t be aware of my tears then Monday night went out with the fam for Mother’s Day and stood back in the shadows and took pictures of my sister-in-law (who has a 6 mo old) my mother and my grandmother….gotta love it. “Let’s get a picture with all the mommies” I wanted to scream!!!
Glad to have stumbled upon this site though-humor is definitely theraputic.
Deb, I had the same thing…three friends this week announced on Facebook they were pregnant all leading up to what would have been my first Mother’s Day if not for miscarriage. Luckily my husband came through with a lovely present and card. The present was a plaque that says “Even miracles take a little time.” I am a mother just waiting on the miracle of meeting my children.
I kid you not, a college friend (who does not know that I’m having infertility issues) seriously called me on Mother’s Day to wish me a “Happy Un-Mother’s Day” and thought nothing about it. Granted she’s young, unmarried and kids are on her radar but I was shocked still the same.
*kids are not on her radar….sorry about that
This is the truth. I deliberately stayed off of FB all day Sunday, but Monday I was back like a desperate crack whore lookin’ to score.
The day that shall not be named, I like it!
And yes I would be deleting the friend foolish enough to post happy soon-to-be-mother…. Probably done with good intentions but still….
For the past 2 Decembers I’ve posted my “infertile Christmas card” as my profile pic. I figure if I have to look @ their cherubic children sitting on Santa’s lap they can look @ my HSG. Here it is: . Maybe I should make a Mother’s Day one too…
Love the Xmas card, Anasara! I lol’d. My infertile friends and I have decided that instead of a Family Day at the ball park, there should be “Barren Day”. And we can all go there, be bitter, drink beer, and throw it in the face of preggos.
LMAO at the “Day That Shall Not Be Named”. Seriously, that is a great one!
It amazes me how insensitive some people can be about infertility. And I hate it that people feel the need to gossip and hold pity parties for people struggling. Pity on Mother’s Day always made me feel so much worse! I’m pretty much open with people I know about what we went through. I don’t want anyone thinking that it “just happened” for us. I hope that pics of my daughter that I have on FB will make some friends going through similar things feel better….
I wanted to make my status: ” I’m the mommy of 8 frozen embryos – now if I could just get one of them to grow up!”
@Jennifer: 8 frozen embryos! You are like the Octo-(non)mom!
I’m the proud mother of 3 large cysts. So pretty. Dammit. Love this website.
[WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.
Mother’s Day was extra hard because I lost my own mother 10 years ago and am having trouble becoming a mother. It was like a double whammy. But of course, I tortured myself and did the Facebook thing. One of these days I need to just cancel my account and save myself the heartache.
#666 haaa haaa haaa….how freakin appropriate is that!
Ok, so I have to share my nightmare at work that happened the Wednesday before Mother’s Day….I’m lazy so I’m just copying it from my blog post.
You know that sensation where you feel like you have to get out of a room NOW? I have been fighting that for a few weeks.
For the last couple of weeks the preggo/baby talk was getting a little overwhelming but then this week they were supposed to find out the sex.
Cue the pink and blue papers being passed to every single department in the building for everyone to guess what it was going to be. Then on top of that Belcher making 3-6 stops at almost every desk in my department (literally) DAILY so she could share every little ache, pain and twinge. The whole time I tried to either plastered a smile on my face and acted like I gave a shit, head down busting out my phone calls so I don’t have to hear the chatter or, if I was able, left the room.
So yesterday she was going to wear the “winning” color. Great….she wore blue….blah blah blah. Bully for her. I was able to block it out most of the morning.
About mid morning she made her first of many stops in our department…with u/s pictures. Ok, I’m thinking she’ll just be here for a little while…I think I can deal with this. Nope….after 5 solid minutes I had to leave the room. I tried to tune it out, I tried making more phone calls so I couldn’t hear them…they just talked louder….I had to get out of there. I couldn’t breath. I HAD to get out of there. So I went and hung out in the Ladies lounge. Chilled on the couch for a little while, practiced my breathing. Calmed myself down. Somewhat.
By the time I went to lunch I was barely hanging on because by this point the entire department had baby fever. I went in the ladies lounge at lunch and kicked back on the couch for a little while to clear my head, put a box full of band aids on my bruised and battered heart and tried to put it out of my mind. Guess who walks in.
Yup. Belcher
By this time I had decided enough was enough. So as she was blathering on about it being a boy I told her. Look, I am very happy for you. But I don’t want you to be offended if I don’t want to hear about it all. I’ve been through 5 miscarriages in the last couple of years and it’s just very difficult for me to be around right now. She said Oh….I totally understand. Wow 5.
At this point I’m thinking…whew…that went well. But I bet it’s going to come back to bite me in the ass.
So I went back to my desk, thinking maybe I can make it through the rest of the day without anymore tears. Man was I wrong.
Less than an HOUR later. Guess who showed up. Not only did she come “in the department” but she was at the cubicle next to mine. WTF!!! Ok so now I KNOW that this stupid bitch is doing it on purpose. I tried all the usual distracting stuff…nothing worked. Turned the music up LOUD….they just talked louder and more people joined in on the conversation. PEOPLE THAT I HAVE TOLD “look, this is what I’ve been through. I am not up to hearing this stuff”. Are people that fucking clueless? Whatever. So, I left the room….for a long time…hung out in my safe place (ladies lounge) and tried to regroup.
When I left the lounge, Belcher was walking by. So I stopped her and said “look. I thought you understood. You need to warn me or give me a heads up that you are going to be coming back there so that If I need to leave I have that option.” She feigned a confused look. And said Oh, OK. I just wanted to punch her lights out. But I didn’t.
By the time I got back to my desk (again the entire room, including the men were high on baby fever) I couldn’t breath, I was shaking and I couldn’t fight the urge to run any longer. I grabbed my stuff, hit the button to turn off the computer and told crazy crack ho boss I was leaving. Apparently I freaked her out because she wouldn’t let me leave and found me a quiet room to sit and calm down in. We chatted for a while she started crying and said she felt really bad that she hadn’t stepped in and told Belcher to go back to her own department. I told her it’s been like being stuck in a never ending baby shower from hell complete with games from the minute I walk in the door until I leave every day.
Wow…I made the crack ho cry. She has feelings after all. Crazy…
After I calmed down was able to breath instead of hyperventilating and stopped shaking as bad she let me take off.
@Carla wow…I know EXACTLY how you feel! EXACTLY! THere are 4 pregnant people at my work one of the wives are pregnant && on top of that I have 3 friends and a couple cousins all pregnant…everyone I know wants to talk about it all the time I MEAN ALL THE TIME… nonstop…when they all found out they were pregnant like with days and weeks of each other…I wanted to die…I even cried when 2 of my friends shared the news… my best friend let me cry- she cried with me… we were both happy and sad… the other friend…we aren’t friends anymore because I cried…she told me I was selfish…I wasn’t crying because I was mad at her…or angry with her. I cried because I was happy for her and MOSTLY sad for myself I was grieving for something I didn’t have… they all talk baby stuff all the time…and I have gotten VERY strong in learning to deal with it…over look it….ok I am lying I put my ipod on turn up the volume with my earbuds and drown out every little negative comment such as “i am fat” or “what was i thinking getting pregnant again” one day I was having THE WORST pain I have ever felt…I couldn’t sit or stand…it was so bad that I was in tears and one of the older ladies at work was trying to find me something to relieve the pain since nothing had helped that day… she was having pregnancy pains she was in her first trimester and was sick to her stomach and said “well I don’t feel sorry for you at all you don’t know what it’s like to be pregnant it’s not fun I don’t know what I was thinking” at that point I said well i don’t feel sorry for you either lots of women would be happy to be sick at their stomach for the same purpose…and our pains are apparently different I didn’t know we were in a contest… and that STILL didn’t keep her stupid ignorant comments from blaring everywhere… >>>hugs to you ladies and baby dust<<<<
I like what Deb said, infertility kills all rationality!
So it feels like… My sister-in-law just gave birth and it’s killing me! They live right next door… Need to move. For the first time it feels that my body is refusing to move even if my mind would even a bit. Crying all the time.
Kills all rationality! So true! Why am I so stupid that I picture in my head how others live their lives with their newborns. It’s non of my business and still I can’t get those pictures out of my head!
But as I am writing this from the other side of the world I need to ask you. Do you have a day for yourselves? As mother’s day is always on Sunday we have in Finland a day for us too. It is the Saturday before the day… So I got cake for myself, but it is so sad anyway. Saturday of the childless is the name. The name could be better but I love that that day exists. It means that we are real! We are here! We are not going anywhere
Greetings from faraway! We are everywhere and the feelings are universal… And facebook is everywhere … in your face book!
love this website! i am so glad to not be the only one that tortures myself with facebook!
What hits hardest is seeing ur very own age fellows or youngers boasting like anything abt school achievements…………just measuring the distancen years travelled at fam making makes u feel empty