When you desperately want to have a baby, you have a lot of private thoughts that you’d rather not share with the world. Your best friend doesn’t need to know that you sobbed in a public bathroom after she told you she was pregnant (and those weren’t tears of happiness). Your husband doesn’t need to know that you’ve actually touched your own cervical mucus; and your pregnant Facebook friend doesn’t need to know that you’ve hidden her so you don’t have to see her growing belly photos. You have a few infertility confessions.
Here are some of your infertility confessions that you were actually willing to share.
“If you go out to eat and your waitress is pregnant, do you think it is wrong to ask to be moved or for a different waitress? In the past, I have had waitresses complain about being pregnant and I just don’t want to hear it…” -Brianna
“I’m was terribly afraid to pee after my embryo transfer because I was afraid I would pee my future babies out. Instead, I held it in until my husband drove over a speed bump and I wet myself in the car.” -Kailey
“You find yourself giving bad baby name advice because you’re scared all the good ones will be gone before you actually get to have one. Your best friend calls you with the news – she’s pregnant! You’re trying really hard to be happy for her and not bitter like you usually are. Somewhere deep down. you’re trying to make small talk about the baby-to-be and ask, “so have you thought of any names yet?”. You’ve nailed down firm names for your first 3 boys and 5 girls that haven’t materialized yet – What if someone takes something off of your list? So you start giving really bad baby name advice – just picking the ones that are the furthest away from anything that you’d ever choose. “Oh sure,” You say, “I looooooove the name Bertha. So soft, so delicate. And Ursula doesn’ remind me at all of that horrible witch that tried to kill the little mermaid. What was that last one? What? HOW do you spell that? Oh sure, that sounds FABULOUS! I really think you should go with that one… that you just said… that I can’t pronounce…” -StarJumper
“You dumpster dive for used pregnancy tests! Ok, maybe not dumpster dive…but you pick through your garbage to further analyze a BFN test-despite the fact you stared at it off and on for the whole night prior….I can’t be the only one who has done this?” – Alexandra’s Mom
“You are relieved when you see another woman carry a tampon into a bathroom stall, or when you hear that packaging crinkling and unwrapping from the stall next to you. “Yay, she’s not pregnant!!” There are always a million pregnant women all around you, but you’ve just found one who is not! Of course, she’s not even trying, and once she does she’ll get pregnant immediately, but for now, she’s dealing with AF just like you are.” -Tiffany
“During my two week wait, I squeeze my breasts to see if they feel more swollen. I do this a lot and yes, in public.” -Marie
“I use to chart my basal temperature every morning. When it seemed like my temperature wasn’t increasing, I would take it out of my mouth and run the thermometer under hot water. Sadly, it would make me happy that the temperature got hotter.” -Sammie
(The Circle & Bloom 15% off fertility discount expires Jan 31. “Because it’s never too late to mediate with your uterus”)
I totally balled my eyes out when my best friend e-mailed me that she was pregnant. Its all I could do. It does not get easier the more baby news you hear. This blog helps keep me a little sane! thanks!
I just want to state, for the record, that I had my baby name infertility shower game picked out before I read this post. Even though it probably won’t be posted until Wednesday.
I’m so glad that Im not the only one who hides all of the statuses of my pregnant friends on FB. I just cannot stand to see any more belly pictures or hear anyone else complain about this pregnancy symptom!!! And if one more person posts an ultrasound photo I might go nuts!!! And thank you so much for this blog….it makes me laugh and not feel so alone!!!
I bawled/wailed in my office bathroom (thank God it was not a public bathroom-but I’m sure I could be heard from the hall) when my husband told me about one of his friend’s wife being pregnant. Then to make matters worse, I had to evaluate a child (I’m a school psychologist) right after and I had tears in my eyes for the first 30 minutes. The kid definitely noticed. Let’s just say, I cut that session short.
And ditto to the name dilemma. I was always so afraid that all the good names would be taken. I finally decided I would use whatever name I wanted-despite them possibly being taken. In fact, when my cousin was pregnant, she decided to name her daughter Alexa. I forewarned her that I would still be using the name Alexandra if I were to ever have a child! Which I did
I’m also another one who hides her Facebook friends! There are a few friends that are due around the time I should have been due (miscarriage in August at 6 weeks), so I can’t stand to hear about how they found out what they are having & seeing their pics. I will also admit that I have stopped going to functions that I know they could be at, just so I don’t have to see their growing bellies, since mine hasn’t grown at all.
Thank you so much for this blog. It has been a great help to me to know that I am not alone in all this CRAP! Good luck to all you ladies & lots of love and baby dust is coming your way!
I know a girl who tried for 2 weeks with her recent boyfriend (like only dating for 2 weeks and decided to try!) Maybe it’s that I’ve been exercising to make myself healthier (endorphins make you happy?!) or maybe its the fact that he is literally twice her age, but I just laughed like a psycho when she told me she is pregnant! she is 25 he is 50!
I have never uttered the baby names that we have chosen – not even to my closest friends. Thankfully, they’ve never asked either. I will never speak the names until the babies are born (IF they are ever born….)
And yes, I’ve hidden the FB status of any friends who have just announced a pregnancy, birth or something adorable their baby has just done. When I’m ready to cope, I will go and read them, but I don’t need that information shoved in my face every time I log in.
“your pregnant Facebook friend doesn’t need to know that you’ve hidden her so you don’t have to see her growing belly photos.”
Um, yeah, I have done this. A lot. The pregnant people I *haven’t* hidden I will scroll by quickly on my bad days. And I almost never look at baby pics.
I have “dumpster dived” for used pregnancy tests to see if the results had changed after a day or two.
I stopped going to baby showers because all the women eventually end up talking about is their labor stories and (we are on the waiting list for adoption) even if we adopt 20 babies, I will never be able to participate in that conversation.
I am the only one at my church (that I know of) that is going through infertility/miscarriage issues and can’t stand going to church anymore. Everyone and their dog is pregnant or has kids and they don’t get it. I have even gone to the leaders of my congregation about how this is affecting me and what do they do??? Ask me to teach Sunday School to 6 year old’s.
Everyone, I think we should have a “retreat” of sorts for all of us infertiles. What do you think?
Had a good laugh at the “hiding Facebook friends” and “baby name panic.” Too funny.
I am actually a lot more jealous of people having girls than boys!
I also do the “bad baby name advice” thing. And if a pregnant lady likes one of “my” names I diss it.
Didn’t stop 2 – count ‘em – 2 pregnant ladies in my circle of friends from naming their babies Elise around the time of miscarriage #2 and miscarriage #3.
ha ha, i didn’t just hide them, I deleted them all… just in case
)
i work in an area of our garden centre that is right across from the public washrooms. it isn’t super user friendly in terms of those big oversized “jogging” strollers…so about once a week a woman with one of those asks me if i can keep an eye on her precious babe so she doesn’t have to try to wrestle the stroller around the awkward corner in the washroom. i say certainly, of course.
while super buff, jogging mommy is answering the call of nature, i find myself looking at the kid in the stroller, looking at the staff exit door a few metres away, back to the kid, back to the door, back to the kid, back to the door.
for a moment my eyes glaze over and i have this fantasy that involves me bolting out the back door with the stroller, loading it up into a white bronco and booking it down the freeway O.J style with a chopper overhead.
i’m not actually truly psychotic, just my fantasies are.
My husband threatens to delete my facebook all the time because every time I see someone announcing their pregnancy (his cousin just announced triplets a few months ago–without trying…by accident) I start crying. He gets so upset seeing me get so worked up over it, but I mean….how many times can you read about people getting pregnant right after they get married or by accident? we’ve been trying for more than a year and I know that it’s time to go to a specialist but I am so terrified to find out that I just won’t be able to ever. It’s my biggest fear…and has been since I was a teenager (worrying if trying so hard not to get pregnant will catch up with me later when I’m trying…).
These confessions made me feel a bit better. At least I am not alone in my feelings. I’ve been trying so hard not to tell anyone that we are trying and failing because I don’t want the spot light on me…it’s bad enough with my husband and I constantly getting our hopes down every month.
I have done all of the above. When I was young I would talk about names I wanted to use with my sisters. Yup, you guessed it they used them all and I ‘m still childless.
I hide everyone that even remotely starts talking about babies.
Now that I’m in my 40’s though….some of them are talking about their grandbabies which pisses me off on a whole new level. Hey, can I help it that I did what I was supposed to and didn’t get pregnant when I was still a teenager. Of course having to basically be the primary caretaker to my brother and niece when I was 13 until I was 19 and having a mother that would scream at me and tell me she wished I was dead and in hell (direct quote there folks) kinda kept me from wanting a baby for a very long time. I was terrified that I would screw up as bad as my mother did. (Thanks Mom). Bitter much? Nah, not as much as I sound. I’ve made peace with the majority of it. Now I just try to crack myself up about it all. But it’s hard to come off as snarky when you are writing.
Thank you all for keeping me sane. And Tammy I am TOTALLY ONBOARD with an infertile retreat. I might suggest that at my next RESOLVE meeting.
tammy, we did the EXACT same thing at our church…we told our pastor (one day when we actually went) why we hadn’t been around (after my first miscarriage, i would just sit there and cry so i just stopped going) and he introduced us to another couple going through the same thing. two weeks later they got pregnant from her FET. a month later we got pregnant from our FET but had another miscarriage at 6 weeks and she CONTINUED to call me and give me updates on how she was doing….i haven’t been back to church since the beginning of november after our last loss….i want to start a church that ONLY infertiles can attend….and once you get pregnant, you’re out!
Awesome thanks for the tip on hiding pregnant friends posts. I seriously have refrained from going on facebook for awhile just to avoid seeing another ultrasound pic or statement about this pregnancy being so rough but it’ll all be worth it blah! We know you’re prego already no need to post about your morning sickness good grief!
I would LOVE to hide all my pregnant friends on facebook, but then I am afraid I would have no more friends left. My BF is ttc right now and I am 100% she will annouce she is pregnant in the upcoming months, I told her its ok, as I am already preparing for it, so I won’t be as devistated. I feel like I am the only one of my friends without kids. It sucks… Plus I am their babysitter since they think for some reason I have nothing better to do.
Guilty…I touch my breast all the time to c if there soar. I deprive myself or make myself feel totally guilty of drinking alcohol or going out on the boat on a rough day WHAT IF?!?!?! I may be pregnant!
Tammy & Libby – I know exactly what you mean. Been trying for 6 years with zip success – and church is the place that I find everything comes to the surface. You know that the people are TRYING to be kind (most people know about our situation – it became a bit obvious that there was something wrong after I have fled the service on various occasions blubbering) – but for some reason it seems to the place that I find it the hardest to cope. Weird huh.
And we are the only young couple without children or not pregnant at the moment.
Oh and P.S. also have been asked to work with every single age group of children in the church. Like a mad woman, I’m working with the 8-13 year olds and the teenagers at the moment.
My secret confession is that I practically stalk pregnant friends on Facebook – get myself all jealous and upset and then wish that I had never gone there. But it’s like an obsession…
Yup done all of those and on Monday night when my BFF rang to tell me she was pregnant after only being married three weeks I went into a total emotional meltdown.
Hide all my face book friends as they seem to ALL be pregnant.
I work in childcare and think to myself I wish one of these were mine.
Got to the point ATM where I wish I didn’t care so I am trying to convince myself I don’t lol
I have actually quit going to church, it was just too hard. I do feel guilty so I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who felt like was one of the hardest places to be.
My husband and I are season ticketholders (football). There is another ticketholder who sits in front of me that had her son sometime shortly after I had my son. Since I am having trouble conceiving again, for two years now, I have been watching this woman like a hawk, secretly hope and praying that she does not get pregnant before me. Afterall, I should be first right? So when I see a beer in her hand I sigh with relief thinking GOOD SHE’S NOT PREGNANT! One game she didn’t have beer until the second half. I was so upset thinking YEAH, SHE’S PREGNANT AGAIN! You can imagine my relief and happiness when I saw her drinking beer in the second half of the game. I am seriously sick in the head!
Tammy & Libby….I stopped going to church, too! I got sick and tired of listening to all these people comment on my age, how long I had been married, and how I really should not wait too long to start my family! Hello….we ARE trying!
my confession, is
walking past a obviously pg woman in the street /shops whereever and thinking inside, fucking bitch/ i hate you bitch/ hate hate hate u.!! then smiling at her and walking on, and knowing she dosnt have a clue what ive been thinking.
terri
I love all of these.
I am so glad I’m not the only one that does the Facebook hiding. I’ve even hidden my own pregnant cousin. My husband thinks I am nuts, but counting through my list there are 50 friends out of like 170 that have had a baby OR 2 in the last 2 years since our M/C. I just can’t it!! When my sister-in-law posted her U/S pictures (we were due the same time, and I lost mine), I wanted to slap her. I’ve told my closest friend and husband that I have all intentions of not saying ANYTHING on FB if I ever do get pg again.
In spite of having a great husband, home, and career, I find myself getting jealous of the pregnant teenagers I see out in public. Even though logically I wouldn’t trade shoes with them, I’d do anything to be in their condition.
Han, I do the same thing!! I obsess over my prego friends’ facebook pages! It’s completely unhealthy but I do it anyway.
So glad I found this site!!!
These are great I can really relate to a few of them! The squeezing your boobs especially. I did this so much I made them sore; then I didn’t know whether I was pregnant or just bruising my boobs! Visit my blog http://www.ivfsuccessstories.info if you would like to read about my journey of overcoming infertility.
Here are the charming things I like to do to people with babies, particularly when the baby himself is present:
- Talk about the amazing gig I was at last night by their favourite band that they will never see again and that their baby will also never see as by the time he grows up all the band members will be dead;
- Talk about the romantic weekend in Paris I’m about to have with my DH;
- Look as groomed as Olivia Palermo and wear my best clothes at all times in their presence (don’t touch the baby obvs). The baby is used to tired, track-suited slobs and thinks I am a radiant vision even though I am 10 years older than his mother;
- Never be seen without perfect makeup (this is what I look like naturally due to all the refreshing sleep I’m getting);
- Change the subject to current affairs when they talk about babies to illustrate their lamentable lack of grasp of serious world matters since their baby was born. The baby thinks I am a fountain of enlightenment;
- Look bored like I would rather be in a nightclub or on a yacht with P Diddy (which is true);
- Drink margueritas with wilful abandon (don’t care anymore so what the hell);
- Stay thin (simply because I haven’t had any babies);
- Sniff the air regularly looking puzzled.
I must be the meanest person alive. But it feels so goooood. Bitter, moi? No dahling.
Hide the preggos on facebook. We don’t need to torture ourselves.
FiFi, hilarious!
- I tug on my nipples and squeeze my breasts to se if they’re sore on a regular basis.
-I play with my cervical mucous to see if it’s fertile, infertile or pre AF. If I get a lot and it’s pre AF, I convince myself it’s my first pregnancy symptom
- I have DEFINITELY done the ‘dumpster dive’ and reexamined a BFN test, taken it apart, held it up to the light, even for the faintest line.
- I have gotten the doctor office to give me a blood pregnancy test, even if I have AF full on, because I’ve convinced myseld it’s not AF, just hardcore implantation bleeding.
- My brother in law saw me playing with his son (1 at the time) and asked jokingly if I wanted to keep him. I actually asked him in all seriousness when he wanted to do the “handoff”.
There are too many to name, and this is my 3rd attempt to post.
When my sister called (after we had been trying for a year) and told me that she was pregnant from a one night stand, the first words out of my mouth were “Are you f#$%ing kidding me?”. I promptly apologized and congratulated her, but I’ve never been allowed to live it down. She tells everyone that I called her a “b” and hung up on her. I suppose that would’ve worked better.
I went out for sushi with two infertile friends, and sure enough… in walks miss pregnant belly. One friend leaned in and said, “Didn’t she get the memo?” We all laughed, and then I apologized for not sending it. Besides, she shouldn’t be eating sushi!
Last week, we walked out of my brother’s fiancee’s graduation ceremony (medical assisting). The crowd was full of nonstop crying babies. The gangbanger (wearing an “in memory of” shirt) pushing a stroller was the last straw for me. Did I also mention that this was day 5 of Clomid at 100 mg?
FIL recently told us that one of DH’s younger brothers and his wife had been struggling to conceive for over a year. I thought “Hooray! Now I can be happy for them when they do succeed”. Now we can actually be happy for them when the dreaded announcement does come. NOTICE: 3 yrs of infertility treatment has actually taught me to keep my mouth shut – at least most of the time.
I am always am the one that always watches my friends kids. I love them to death I have baby/kids clothes, toys and everything else for them when they come over but there are days I just can’t be around them. Those days I look at those little angels and think my child should be older than this and I should be playing with them instead of everyone else children.
Also, I am tired of people saying when God wants it to happen it will I think its crap he isn’t doing anything to help me. Instead the 15 year old down the street gets pregnant with no way to support the child and doesn’t even know who the babies daddy is.Was that God’s plan for her or the poor baby?
* I´m boycotting FB, again, I reacently learnd that yet an other one of my aquaintances have here D-day a week before little angel was supposed to come.
* I secretly wish that my “we didn´t really try” preggers co-workers, whom I´m 5 and 7 years older, have to get a sick leave for the rest of their pregnancy so I´wont have to see them with a belly ever again.
I tried for three years before having my twins (by in vitro). I had a different take on all this than a lot of people, I guess. I was more concerned about my friends walking on egg shells around me or NOT inviting me to showers or feeling sorry for me. I never wanted to be treated like I was sick or broken.
I delete all my FB friends that get pregnant and I deletes all my friends that have small children that were born in the 8 years my hubby & I have been dealing with infertility and pregnancy loss, EXCEPT the 1 or 2 that I don’t feel are deserving of being mothers, I keep them on because I usually rant and rave about bad mothers, how any ole slut can get pregnant but it doesn’t make her a real mother, and so on, it drives them nuts because they know they’re horrible mothers and they know they don’t deserve to be moms, it’s sweet vindication when they get angry at my statuses because they’re feeling inadequate, especially the one that is a high school drop out pregnant for the 5th time in 5 years, has 3 children, each one with a different father even though she’s been married to the same man for 5 years and promised to allow us to adopt 3 of her unborn children and then changed her mind.
[WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.
So I’ve been reading this blog for the past two hours (at work) and this entry is great! I can honestly say that I will no longer talk to my cousin if she steals one of our baby names! If we have a girl (someday) I really want to name her after our grandmother! If my cousin does first…I might just go a little crazy
I also have another one to add…
My co-worked told me she was pregnant and I was so upset. I found the words “Oh my God that’s terrific. Can I plan your baby shower?” coming out of my mouth. She knows we are struggling to have a baby so she gave me a half smile…then I burst into tears…not throwing her baby shower!
When I learned that my SiL (DH’s sister) was pregnant and sick all the time, I actually wished her to remain sick and miserable her entire pregnancy. Yep, so far that has happened and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Sure her attention whore ass LOVES getting attention for being sick, but I get giddy whenever I hear that she’s sick and been throwing up.
I did tell my DH that whenever I finally get pregnant. No matter how sick I am, we need to be sure to tell everyone, especially her, how WONDERFUL and perfect my pregnancy is coming along just to get on her nerve.
I cried for a week and a half when my older sister announced that she was pregnant. After a “whole 3 months” of trying. We are currently at 3 years od TTC.
I also get a lot of “you have plenty of time” “you’re only 25″. It hurts the most coming from my DH. I know he is just trying to sound reassuring but still.
This site has been an absolute God send for my sanity.
Thank you for all you post.
I’m 24, a stay at home mom to my 2 cats and 1 dog until I can have my own babies- and you thought you were nuts? I left my good job with a good company to do ivf…. Yes because i fear even a rude comment or look from a stranger, or my boss telling me I did something wrong could prevent a successful ivf. After 4 unsuccessful iui’s and a stressful job, I had to wonder….i found out at 20 I had pcos and I have been trying to conceive since…. This is by far the best site i have ever been on. Ohhh it’s just beyond uplifting.
Guilty! I am thankful that fb allows for only “important” updates. My last fb hiding was a childhood friend who posted the sex of her baby and it got 112 “likes”… all of this happening a few weeks after my husband and I got the news that my husband has a birth defect and his testicles are non-functioning. Awesome… this friend is also the one who said we should call each other up while we were pregnant together so we could complain about being pregnant together. Sadly I would give anything to feel what it’s like to be pregnant.
Luo Ji was surprised to see jordan retro 11.
I am so glad I am not alone – I didnt know you could hide FB friends though – I deleted them all!!
I’m very guilty but never deleted anybody the worse thing for me to see is teen moms talking about their pregnancies and posting baby shower invites(which I never attend) babygaga updates on how many pounds and inches the baby is, showing off the clothes and assesories they gotten from the baby shower, posting them nasty belly shots saying how big they are, post labor and delivery updates play by play then posting photos on instagram of the baby and I get these I cant sleep this baby wont go to sleep ugggghhh! it works my f@#@#ing nerves They need to cancel 16 and pregnant and teen mom I stopped watching TLC because I hate to see those annoying baby shows and that Duggar family piss me off even worse baby dust on all of us trying mommies xxx