Oct 12
Yes, there are real books out there that actually tell you how to conceive your child’s gender. While many of us infertiles are just wondering how to conceive, some fertiles out there are taking it to the next level.
- Eat a lot of sweets, fish and vegetables.
- Have intercourse on even numbered days.
- Have intercourse when the moon is a quarter full.
Trying for a Boy?
- Eat salty foods and red meat.
- Have intercourse standing up.
- Have intercourse during a full moon.
Are you serious? How about some better literature on how to conceive a baby for those pregnancy-challenged folks?
- How to conceive when egg and sperm won’t fertilize.
- How to conceive when your ovaries are twisted and your tubes won’t fallop.
- How to conceive when his sperm is lazier than a Sunday morning.
- How to conceive when you’ve been trying for more years than Suri Cruise has been alive.
- How to conceive when you have a transvaginal wand inserted into your lady parts.
- How to conceive. Seriously. Just how to conceive.
I left my reply in type a comment. Dried up old me isn’t so super computer savvy.
Ok here goes again. My husband feels so bad, unmanly about not being able to make a baby that I’ve thought about faking a BFP and loss. I’ve lost 2 babies through early miss…and our marriage has really suffer bc of no baby ability. Would any of you do this and how?
just wanted to tell you how much i love your blog! i’ve not had that much fun in this matter during the last two years than i had while reading all your entries. too bad i didn’t find you earlier. but i don’t speak english too good so i just didn’t surf any english ttc sites yet.
my hubby told me: this woman on this site seems to take it so much easier than you do. haha. as if the problem was me not being relaxed enough. grrrrr. the problem is more him being too relaxed. (or at least his little non-swimmers).
i also know people who are trying to receive a boy or a girl and in 50% of the cases it functioned.
also i know some families where they just wanted to have a girl and did only give up after 7 boys in a row. how wonderful it must be to have that kind of problems. grrrrr!
Ok…I am not really sure I understand Dea’s comment. First of all, it was your husband’s choice to not have any future children. Granted, he may look back on that now as not such a good idea, but faking a BFP and then a miscarriage is a total slap in the face to someone (like me) who has been trying for almost 6 years to have a family and has had two miscarriages during that time.
My suggestion would be that either you look into adoption, donor sperm or surrogacy if you want to expand your family. A “fake” pregnancy will only give him hope that you can have children and may make him want to continue to try. This will only create a huge lie in your marriage.
I wouldn’t have said that you “don’t belong” here as in a way you are struggling with the rest of us, however I caution you to be sensitive to what you write. Your suggestion of faking a BFP and a miscarriage literally made my stomach turn. If you had ever experienced a m/c or been close to someone who has, you would know how utterly gut wrenching and painful it is, and would NEVER suggest faking such a thing.
Nichole, well said.
Great post Naomi!!! I get disgusted when I hear about people trying to conceive a certain sex. I have overheard men telling their friends certain positions and how “bam, it works every time” and crap like that.
Then after my IVF failed, my mom starts to tell me about some show she saw on TLC or something–about a couple who had 8 boys so they decided to do IVF to make sure they conceive a girl. I almost flipped out on her when she said that, I said “I don’t want to hear ANYMORE!!” My mom usually has good intentions but in this case she was just trying to relate to IVF in some way and she missed the mark on that one, not realizing I wouldn’t want to hear about someone who was just doing what I call “Luxury IVF” ..when we have been trying to conceive ANY sex for nearly 2 years!
I could have written what you wrote exactly Nichole… (except I’ve been TTC 1 1/2 years only, but have had 3 miscarriages)
PLEASE don’t fake one, I can’t imagine any scenario where that would be ok.
Sperm lazier than a Sunday morning. LOL!!
Oh boy! I’m really saddened by Dea’s comment above. I too am married to a lovely guy with a vasectomy. Technically, we are situationally infertile. But the longing is just the same. There is nothing short of IVF + ICSI (read: far to expensive for us!) that could possibly help us. Sigh. Comments like that don’t help the situationally infertile’s case.
I am so sorry to hurt anyone here. I come here for comfort I suppose because I feel so sad and angry all the time. Though the reason I can’t have children is different I am helped. What happened to us (our marriage) is terrible but I don’t liken it in anyway to all of your pain. I suffer terrible because of what my husband did with the vasectomy. When I read about your struggles and severe pain of infertility I become so angry that he broke a healthy organ/system that so many others would give anything for. Now, not only can we not have children but our marriage is in ruins. My husband knows how sad I feel about the vasectomy and it has made him feel worthless. Our lovemaking has dwindled to nothing. It’s not as “simple” as reversal. My poor husband has lost so much through many surgeries in his back and for hernias. Also, the vasectomy causes him chronic pain. I couldn’t ask him to go through those risks for myself. I guess I wonder how any of you here deal with the sensitive nature of your husband if he’s “the one” who has difficulty. Some of you must be dealing with only male factor infertility. How has it affected your marriage and how do you deal with it. The suggestion about the fake positive wad terrible I know. I have suffered two miscarriages. I do know what that feels like. I guess sometimes I get desperate crazy thoughts. I thought if my husband believed his vasectomy failed and he was “like a man to me” in his words (because of a “positive”) I could at least salvage what has torn our marriage apart. I’m glad that some of you couples may be blessed to support/not blame…but I guess we just can’t. Tbe vasectomy is there like a big “elephant” in the room. I’ve tried to get past it but can’t. Every period like you ladies say is a nightmare. My age doesn’t help bc 40 is next year. My time is coming to an end. Yet I go to the doctor because he says I need the wand for a fibroid and the nurse calls to say nope that just ovulating. It sounds sick bc I know so many of you can’t ovulate and celebrate your periods when you can (not bc of failed 2ww) I get the desire to just blow it on those days for you ladies. But are is there any lady here who gets her periods and is fertile but it doesn’t matter anyway bc your husband can’t get you pregnant. Do you want to curse a period that just reminds you every single day (I have sever pmdd so my life revolves around hormones in a different way) that seems a waste? I know there are different reasons for everyones situation. Being able to get pregnant but knowing the only way would be immoral or can’t afford..that hurts too. This may sound all over the place, if this is only for infertile women then I don’t belong. But as an infertile couple (even of the husbands own doing) I find myself feeling so many of your feelings. As far as the fake pregnancy test, it was/is a desperate question for a desperate situation. I’m truly sorry again to hurt anyone. I’ve lost enough…don’t want to lose my marriage too. Yes it’s his “fault” but I’m the one who can’t handle it and he knows it.
vasectomy can be reversed dont come here and pretend to know what any of us are going through, its sickens me that anyone would even think of faking a pregnancy.
dea- you make me sick, enjoy the children you were blessed with and stop blaming your husband. No one here blames their partner for anything because thats what you do in a healthy marriage you heal together not point fingers and place blame. stop dwelling on the fact you cant have one more, maybe if you had a better marriage your husband would have consulted you before making a big decision like that with out you. its another case of people being selfish when it comes to having children, your marriage is failing but all you can think about is bring another child into that house? seriously
Infertile Andi. Those are some pretty harsh words for a website that promotes honest feelings no matter how terrible or desperate or unlike you they may be. And sometimes people have thoughts that are irrational and they know they wouldn’t act on them but they can ket them out here. Like all the comments about stealing a baby. At least my terrible thought wouldn’t and land me in prison. As far as selfish. You don’t know my whole situation and obviously have very little knowledge of simple or complex pshchological issues that are inticately complicated and unique. I don’t believe it’s anyones business to question a woman/couples desire to birth their own child for multiple reasons. But since you have to be so nasty…I guess you need to hear the old tired why don’t you stop being so selfish and adopt if you haven’t tried that already. It seem selfish to some to spend all that time and money (yes I know adoption takes a lot of time and money) too bad only the wealthy or somehow especially blessed can do it or for those of you who can even attempt to afford fertility treatments! Enough said for me. I’m not going to aigize for being fertile and having problems with many of the emotions that I’ve read expressed here. I’m not pretending anything.
Wow, I think I’ll let Naomi deal with that..
BUT I do have a personal statement in regards to the things that have been said. My husband and I do not have children, but we both want them very badly. We don’t have a lot of money but we’ve scraped every last cent that we could for treaments this past year (having to take breaks to save up) and my dad was gracious enough to co-sign our IVF loan–(which failed and we have no frosties so now we are stuck paying off this loan and have nothing). We are going to pay off this loan as fast as we can and regroup in January, and see what we can do.
If you want a baby badly enough, you do whatever it takes! We’re planning on signing up for an adoption agency…EVEN THOUGH that costs a fortune and can take a LONG time–and it’s honestly not what we had planned, but like I said–whatever it takes. We will take every available route and hopefully one of these roads leads to our sweet child. Someday.
That was decent cherbear. Thanks for not bashing but that’s the nature of the beast sometimes. I sure do hope you and your husband can have children. You all go through so much here. More than I could bear. I remember I when we started TTC getting a baby magazine, one of those free ones they used to send regular..after another negative test, I ripped it to shreds and hid it in my trunk. My husband didn’t get it..well that was a Long time ago and we were able to have children. I had never even heard of infertility or at least how common it is. I started realizing this through reading some popular blogs that seem to be very focused on women trying to concieve (as I haven’t found a mens blog yet, I know it’s couples but women seem to blog about this) so I say women. Well, this just has been something in my life that brought much anger and heartache because I couldn’t handle the thought of able couples (throwing away) such a thing as easy fertility as a realized that it is so hard and agonizing. I’m not saying everyone should “join” the Duggars or not choose admit to family size bc they can conceive easily. It is has just been a hard road with my husbands vasectomy especially since it hurt him( forever disabled) and we were told it was
fine “everybody does it”. That bothers me and has hurt my marriage. I wish you all well.
Dea: I’m getting from your post that money is tight, but I think you might want to invest in marriage counseling. If your sex life is suffering, your husband is depressed, and you’re resentful and miserable, this seems like a good time to bring in a mediator to help you fix some of that.
A baby doesn’t cure a faltering marriage, it strains it further. Please, seek counseling. If he won’t go, go alone until he sees what a different it can make. You sound like you’re truly suffering and you don’t have to bear it alone.
Thank you Marci. I apreciate your thoughtful comments. They were kind and helpful. I am trying with the counseling. My husband is very particular and will only see our Pastor, yet continues to not set up an appt. I may think about going myself somewhere else. It’s tough to consider your pastor (alone!) when he sees you and knows you (not sure he counsels for couple trouble alone either?) Would you maybe suggest a man rather than a woman? It’s hard to get insight into my husbands thoughts, and feelings. Maybe he could help in that regard. I hope you recieve what you’re seeking as well Marci.
A friend told me her nickname for the “transvaginal wand” — Dildo Cam. I think I laughed out loud for 20 seconds. Better to laugh than cry I guess!
Dea, fix your marriage before you even consider bringing a child into an environment like that. It seems that you have a lot of issues to work through but once that’s done you can consider TESE to fall pregnant. It’s a procedure where they will extract the sperm from your husband’s scrotum using a needle, no reversal is necessary. As for the comment’s about adoption, not everyone here is american and where I’m from it’s almost impossible to adopt. You can only apply when they are taking applications (not very often!) and there are strict guidelines, the one that stopped me was that you had to be finished with fertility treatments for at least 6 months but by the time I was eligible they had closed and wouldn’t accept any more. Not only that but the average wait is around 15yrs and by then I’d be too old to adopt anyway plus private adoptions and surrogacy are illegal here. I’m fortunate enough to have finally given birth to twin girls 3 months ago but so many ppl are still struggling, your comments really upset me. You make out that it’s so easy to get a baby, if that’s the case why don’t you just adopt?
Dea,
I see a female therapist, and I’ve never really seen a male therapist, so I don’t know. If your husband will be more comfortable with a male discussing male issues, then I would say let that be your barometer. If you see someone alone, it should be someone you can be most comfortable with; probably a woman.
If you’re both going to see your pastor, and he’s agreed to it, why don’t you go ahead and set the appointment for both of you. Or call to get a list of times which you can bring home and tell your husband, “pick one.” Sometimes it’s the first step that’s the hardest.
Sadly, people don’t depend on such books anymore, they resort to IVF to select their baby’s gender!! Makes me sick. check out the article below.
http://newamericamedia.org/2010/08/oh-no-its-a-girl-south-asians-flock-to-sex-selection-clinics-in-us.php
Haha.. Does anyone believe this anyway? I doubt any book really can help you in this case. It’s all about nature, not the things you do..
Seriously. Just how to conceive.
I’ve heard of baby shopping. Trying to pick which gender you get. Trying to do some weird, hella expensive (and not for certain) treatments to try and choose hair colour, eye colour and aptitudes. (ie Musically gifted) Honestly. your baby is your baby whether you give birth to it or not, whether they have blue eyes or brwon, whether they are a boy or a girl, whether they can facilitate the next space exploration program or if they don’t get why letters like “x” are in math when math is numbers.
Dea, I’m so sorry for yor situation. I know how hard it is to have marriage problems. We’ve worked past ours, and have had a healthy marriage for about four years now (we’ve been married for five years). I highly suggest that you try to fix your marriage before looking into expanding your family. Babies won’t fix your marriage.
In the meantime, take comfort in your other children. I understand that secondary infertility can be painful and difficult just as primary infertility. Im going to go ahead and call a spade a spade… primary IF is harder than secondary. But that doesn’t mean secondary isn’t hard.
Take comfort in your children, and make steps to fix your marriage. Then, and only then, would I suggest making efforts to try and reproduce. Like all IF sisters here, my thoughts are with you.
It’s so funny to me because I had read about this gender choosing business before we started ttc and it sounded like a “cool thing to try”! Looking back, I see how naive I was. Two-and-a-half years later, I’ll be happy with any healthy baby I can get!!!!
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