Many infertile women wonder how in the heck did she get pregnant after only one fertility treatment? It’s bad enough to be jealous of pregnant women who get knocked up naturally, but why must you become envious of infertile women too? You’re embarrassed to admit it but you are jealous of women who got pregnant after their first IUI or IVF treatment.
Logically, you know that she struggled and was probably trying for a long time but heck, after only ONE fertility treatment? How is that even possible?? You have failed multiple cycles including some impressive IUIs failures, Clomid failures and even an IVF failure or two or three. For the love of Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection, you could be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the highest number of IVF failures! And she just waltzes in to that fertility clinic and bing, bang, boom, gets pregnant on her first time.
WTF (What the Fertile!)!!!
Is her uterus made of sticky magic or something? There was a time where you believed that it would happen to you on the first try but then cycle number 101 came along and you simply wonder how anyone could get pregnant after their first fertility treatment. You know your jealous feelings are illogical. Anyone who requires a fertility doctor obviously understands the heartache of infertility. And you totally wish you got pregnant after your first fertility try.
It’s nice to know that your fertility doctor is actually getting someone pregnant. You just wish it were you.
i really don’t feel that way. maybe it’s because i already have a toddler in my life and seeing other women achieve their goal in getting pregnant won’t make my 2nd baby come any sooner. just my 2 cents.
I can totally relate!! After 3 failed IUI’s and a 4th surely to come, I get totally jealous of people who got pregnant on their first treatment. I think to myself, “well, they must not really have been infertile” which I know is a nasty thought. LOL!
Maria V, you’re not infertile if you have a child, so yes, that’s probably why you don’t feel that way. The two cents of a fertile don’t really count on a blog meant for infertiles trying to have A child. We can’t even read blogs meant for people like us without getting people commenting about such things. We KNOW others fertility won’t effect ours, it’s tongue in cheek.
Hi, so maybe maria v came off a little insensitive, but please don’t suggest that women with children suffer with infertility! I am living this nightmare right now, completely unexplained for several yrs now ( I am still relatively young), many failed treatments, and it really hurts. yes, I am incredibly thankful/lucky to have my son but infertility hurts all of us and we should try to be supportive of each other!
Oops, obviously I meant ” please don’t suggest that women with children DON’T suffer with infertility!”
Well, I for one don’t want to get involved in the drama, I will just say that yes, I have felt this way, and thank you for putting it out there. It’s not an easy thing to admit to because there’s a lot of guilt attached to it. Unfortunately, like many of the bitter feelings of an infertile, it’s only natural. And adding a little humor to it, as always, makes a bitter pill that much easier to swallow. Plus, it’s always nice to know you’re not alone.
I agree with maria and robin. There is a thing called Secondary Infertility that many women suffer from (including myself), took 5 years TTC my DD and another 5 years (and still counting) TTC#2.
Amanda – Secondary infertility is the inability to conceive and deliver a child after already having delivered one or more children. So, yes, a person with a child can suffer from infertility. Funny how people think that SIF is not IF. Look it up, it is definitely IF.
Getting back on track…yes I definitely am jealous of the first-timers. On the other hand, I am also one of those people you referred to in an earlier post (I can’t remember which one) who sits there and thinks…at least I’m not as bad as her. I’m just about the worst IF patient there is…I’m pretty much jealous of anyone’s BFP, regardless of the length of time it took to concieve!
Yes, the jealousy is definitely there when I hear of someone getting pg the first time, whether it is Clomid, IUI, IVF, or natural.
Oh yeah!
And I am a hypocrite. I hate the fact I didn’t get pregnant with my first, second or third IUI but I’m hoping so hard that my first IVF hits the jackpot.
I completely understand this one….my boss is having twins with his new (much younger) wife….and he already has 3 kids…but they hed infertility problems…yeah right…as I sit here with 5 IUI’s and 2 IVF’s under my belt.
I was hopeing it would be my turn first, but my friend got pregnant on here first IVF some weeks ahed of my try. She´s already got a beautiful three year old, and she´s five months prg. So happy for here, but *sigh* so jealous. Mixed emotions are crap…
I remember feeling like I should be wearing green 24/7. Green with envy. People that got pregnant on clomid, then women that got pregnant after 1 iui. Followed by people with just one IVF all the way to people with just one ICSI, GIFt, ZIFT. Justifiable…completely.
I have to admit that I am one of the woman who got pregnant on their first round of clomid (which was the first IF treatment we tried). And I do feel guilty because I have a number of friends that have been TTC for years and gone through numerous treatments. I don’t know what to say to them…
I went 4 rounds of Clomid unsuccessfully. My friend who has been TTC a few months longer than me is about to go on Clomid. I told her right up front that I will be happy for her, but will also hate her just a little for getting it on the first try. By saying it beforehand, I can admit it to her and we can laugh and I won’t be harboring some dark secret jealousy when she is pregnant. I can also cheer her up if it doesn’t work by saying ‘at least now I won’t hate you’.
Its good to have friends in the same boat as you…. they’re the only ones who understand.
Toni is right.. its about admitting the stupid dark, bitter thoughts that you cannot help and laughing at them.
Yea, Sometimes I feel this way to. I have the privalege of watching my 20 month old NEICE alot, and my sister is pregnant w/her second baby- While my husband and I just sit back and wonder why after 6 years we have been unable to conceive even once. But of course I act happy and excited (i am inside really, just a little sad too ) Just keep smiling and have hope, it’s really all there is.
This is so true! I just met a couple who is 10 weeks pregnant and the husband said something about trying for a year and I could only think, “Only a year??”
I am totally jealous when that happens as it has never happened to me like that. I the one who lines up month after month and taking mental health breaks along the way.
So my question is to the person who said you are not infertile if you have a child, Once you become pregnant and birth a child, even if it was concieved using fertility treatments, does this magically make your infertility go away? See I think not, and in my case my infertility issues have gotten worse, not better. And already having had a child makes the emotional side of TTC with infertility much worse the second time around.
yup, looks like most of us feel this way. I LOVE being able to come here, and LAUGH along with everyone. It’s such an outlet! Then reading that I definitely am NOT alone in my feelings, it does help.
I wish my first IUI had worked, or the 2nd, or the 3rd, or the 4th. Geez, dr really wanted me to try SIX times before moving on?? After a long break (and a much-needed vacation) we decided to move onto IVF. As I sit here reading this, I think “I know there’s a chance that my first IVF won’t work, too”. I’m spending all this money now and with the increased chances, if it doesn’t work then my only hope is that the IVF will give them more answers about me, so that maybe the FET will work. My theory is my eggs have a really tough shell! LOL
Thanks for the nice post. I am expecting some different idea from your side. You always represent some new thought in your post.
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hi there, i know im a bit late but just read this post as im trying to conceive baby number 2 – we tried for 18 months with no luck, then got pregnant on our first round of IUI. Then we came back for another go and got pregnant again first time but lost the baby at 5 weeks – then we done another 2 IUI’s that failed, and are currently in the 2 week wait for the most recent IUI. If this one fails it will be 4 failed attempts – so just because i conceived on first go back then doesnt mean that im not infertile as some on this post have suggested – it just means i was lucky – and havent been as lucky since!
I completely understand how infertility makes you feel :/ it is normal to feel jealous…and almost hate people for their easy successes. I however am a first time IUI successor. I have suffered from infertility for many years…underwent all sorts of surgeries…medications…tests…etc. Was never able to afford the iui or ivf procedures…my husband and I saved up money (I live in Oklahoma and the iui procedure alone costed us thousands) and were FINALLY able to have the procedure. By the grace of god it worked the first time. The whole point of me posting this it to let you guys know that just because a treatment works the first time…doesn’t make the infertility we have suffered any easier than yours. I can’t imagine how it must feel to have to undergo so many iui or ivf cycles…as one was stressful enough. I hope and pray that Each and every one of you are blessed with your little miracle soon. Infertility is an awful awful disease and I would never ever wish it on anyone. Also I realize it’s been awhile since this was posted…I just felt the need to tell my story. Good luck ladies and lots and lots of sticky sticky baby dust.
No, I don’t waste time hating on women who get pregnant easily (with or without IVF). I am happy for them, but all I ask is for those same fertile women to show some compassion towards me when my baby has died. If they can’t, then something is lacking in their character.
By the way, I am a veteran of 5 in vitro attempts.
Wow, this is a little out there even for me. If I were jealous of everyone who had it even slightly better than me, then I’d go crazy. I’m only jealous of people who didn’t have to “work” to get pregnant, which for me means the majority of my fertile friends. I guess I’m jealous of people who didn’t have to suffer the way I did, but once a person has to resort to IVF, then they “worked” for it!
this is really nice post and i like this post
Just because someone says they have a toddler in their life doesn’t mean they even gave birth to it. The child could be adopted, a stepchild, or a niece who is ‘like a daughter’ to them. Be careful with your assumptions.
I possess to let that I am one of the negroid who got heavy on their ordinal crosspiece of clomid (which was the forward IF communicating we tried). And I do finger inculpative because I human a class of friends that eff been TTC for geezerhood and absent finished numerous treatments. I don’t mate what to say to them.
I get totally jealous of people who got pregnant on their first treatment. I think to myself,
I agree with all you girls. & I dont think she meant above that women with children are all fertile. I think she just meant that Maria V didnt feel as strongly about it as she said above it doesnt bother her because I already have a toddler. I myself dont have any children & Im under 30 & have unexplained infertility.. Have been trying for over 5 years. I am not saying Secondary Infert, doesnt suck!! But I dont think it is as bad as Infertility, Not saying that to offend anyone. I really think secondary Infer is horrible & heartbreaking just the same, But atleast you have one.. Your part of that circle.. U can go put ur kid to bed at nite & watch them sleep.. Some ppl with Infertility will never know that feeling, ever.. & Thats a very real thought for alot of us going thru infertility. Again, not trying to offend anyone.. just think that is what she meant in regards to Marias comment. I feel for all women (with & without children) for wanting another Blessing that only God can give. =] I am def jealous of ANYONE that gets pregnant in general, let alone on first try.. That just pours gas on the fire in a sense.. But I dont act on it usually unless sum1 knows my situation n rubs it in or whatever.. But the minute I found out my sister was pregnant (Leaving me as the only one without kids, even tho I was the only one who ever wanted/tried for them) I bawled my eyes out to my BFF.. who is currently pregnant with her 3rd & tried to abort it & couldnt go thru it.. Breaks my heart, but also makes me wanna hurt ppl sometimes.. Infertility is by far the hardest thing ive ever dealt with in my life, maybe even harder than dealing with the death of a loved one.. or pretty dang close.. I wish all u ladies the best of luck!! Oh forgot to put this in, but I like the fact of women with fertility joining the msg boards for infertility.. becuz they can give us tips/tricks/ success stories. <3 U guys should join WhatToExpect.com or BabyCenter.com (Go to msg boards, They have a board for every1 & I mean everyone) Good luck!!
Ps- Lisa, I agree with u.. Honesty helps everything & everyone just a lil. All my friends & family didnt know for a long time how much I longed & prayed & worked towards getting pregnant.. So it was cause a rift or fight whenever sum1 got pregnant becuz they think u should be there for them more if their prego.. But its very very hard.. especially for the first cple years.. I have now been ttc for almost 6.5 yrs & All my friends & family know.. & they know how bad I want a baby becuz I have been open about it for a few yrs at this point & I am currently involved in a study at the hospital here in VT, But now that they know, they handle me more gently which helps alot & are sympathetic & know y im so distant when I should be pampering them on their journey.. I have even had 3+ friends/family members offer to carry my child for me if I never get pregnant or dont atleast in next few yrs..
( about study-) It basically pays for you to get either Chlomid, or femera pills or pregnyl injections (U r picked for one of those meds at random), Then once ur eggs reach maturity (which they monitor closely) U get a shot of HCG, Then artificial insemination, Ive heard of this being done in many many other states too, call a local reproductive endocrinologist and ask if they have a study for pregnyl injections.. they prolly will.. But anyways.. I have unexplained infertility & have been TTC for over a year & hubbys SA are always good.. but in 6.5 yrs no luck.. That is only reason we got into study.. Have never tried any fertility treatments b4 this study either.. Just ALOT of testing. Im trying to b patient but its so hard.