Freezer Phobia: definition
1. a childhood fear of being stuck in a freezer as an embryo.
Your future children may have spent the first months of their pre-existence in a freezer. You seem to be allowed to freeze your embryos but the law says something very different about putting actual babies in a freezer. Strangely, they refer to that as ‘child abuse.’ When your future children get older, you can lovingly tell them how they started life in a freezer, right next to the ice cubes and beside your fertility nurse’s frozen lunch. Isn’t it your RE’s birthday next week? Stick that ice cream cake right next to your future frozen twins! Then, one special day, you can tell your babies how they were thawed out like yesterdays meatloaf and re-inserted into your uterus, freezer burn and all.
And don’t ever think of nagging them to dress warmer. Weren’t you the mother who once stuck them in the freezer? “Sally, You need to wear a warmer coat.” “Jessica, you’re going to freeze in that short skirt.” “Billy, you’re not leaving this house without a scarf and hat, young man!”
Thaw me, mommy. Thaw me!