Aug 17

That cutsy, pink invitation arrives in the mail and your heart drops. You know exactly what it is: the dreaded baby shower.

Thankfully, here are ten helpful tips for surviving the baby shower party:

1) Arrive in tears. You are going to spend most of the baby shower crying in the bathroom anyways so why not make it a public event? Start telling other guests about your struggles with infertility and don’t forget to be very detailed about ovulation and cervical mucus.
2) Tell the guest of honor she looks fat. Everyone might say to her “you look great” but why be like everyone else? You might want to tell her that you once knew someone who only gained 20 pounds during pregnancy.
3) Bring a cake that says: Congratulations! It took you less than a year to conceive!
4) Leave a negative pregnancy test and a package of birth control pills in her bathroom.
5) Spike the non-alcoholic punch and hand out cups to all the kids and the guest of honor (Don’t feel badly. I’m sure in some countries one glass of wine during pregnancy won’t hurt).
6) Introduce inappropriate party games including “Guess the baby daddy” and “pin the tail on the cervix.”
7) For your present, give the guest of honor a couple shirts that say “world’s worst mother” and “number #1 slut.”
8)Offer to write down who gave what gift. Then mix it up! Oops!
9) Yawn loudly during present opening and ask if you can take a nap in her bed.
10) Put a sign on her front door saying “Baby shower canceled due to marital break-up.”

17 Responses to “#919 The baby shower survival guide”

  1. Anonymous says:

    LOLOLOL!!!!! Thank you for such a breath of fresh air! Yes, I have to psych myself up for this Christmas. It will be a double whammy for me. I go to school in another part of the countyr, and come home for the holidays. My cousin is due in February. So I will have to see her belly at the holidays, and THEN most likely in January for the shower. I will have to put on a happy face while I think of the baby I miscarried 2 years ago, and act like all is well. Seriously, I may come to that shower in tears. Thank you Naomi AS ALWAYS for being the BEST lifeline!!!! Hugs to you

  2. Laura says:

    My favorite is pin the tail on the cervix…classic! :-)Love it, as usual!

  3. Egg Factory says:

    Just wrote about this myself. See Hand me an umbrella. There are too many Showers at

    Wonderful as always!

  4. InfertileNaomi says:

    Way too many showers. When you ladies get pregnant, remember to have a infertile sensitive shower.

  5. Jenny H. says:

    nap on her bed!!! LOL!!! love it as always.

    If I ever have a shower I will definitely spend as much time possible mentioning how much crap I went through to get there…I pledge to never forget this terrible time even if I do eventually have a baby…and to never again make insensitive baby remarks around anyone who is of fertile age :P

  6. Michele says:

    I'm laughing out loud. Such greatness. Would you mind if I link to this post on my Friday examiner post? I'm trying to help my readers get a good laugh on Friday and I think your post will do the trick : 0

  7. Infertile "but hoping to be fertile" Naomi says:

    Michele- link away on Infertile Fridays!

  8. Carly says:

    Seriously…WAY too many baby showers. I have managed to only go to 1 so far. But I know there will be more I am obliged to go to.
    When my husband and I have our baby shower, we have already decided it will be a couples shower, complete with a BBQ and plenty of beer. If any infertiles come, it won't be too awkward, right?

  9. Amaprincess says:

    SO funny!!! I love the entering crying and telling EVERYONE everything one!!! LOVE IT!

  10. Brandy says:

    I get the joy of hosting a baby shower for my 19 year old pregnant sister. I am nearing 29 years old and have been TTC with my husband for 3 & 1/2 years. Yay me! Just the other night I thought to myself…how funny it would be to hand out condoms as party favors.

  11. InfertileNaomi says:

    Handing out condoms as a party favor is an excellent idea. Sure beats those scents candles.

  12. Tara Elocin says:

    Thanks for cheering me up. Infertility is such a deadly serious topic that it seems to completely rule your life.

    And navigating all those pregant women out there with a positive smile and those lovely colleagues telling you that you should have a baby without bursting into tears don't make it any better!

    It's nice to smile about all of it for a change.

  13. Anonymous says:

    I have seriously vividly pictured enacting tip #1. And after 3 years I've just realized that I DON'T KNOW ANYONE ELSE WITH FERTILITY PROBLEMS. Oh sure, some people have had some problems and miscarriages, but they all have kids. AND THEY'RE ALL PREGNANT RIGHT NOW. Never mind that they are all due within weeks of when I would have been due (I conceived after nearly three years of trying, only to have two miscarriages in quick succession). No one I know has a F***ing clue what this is like. It's nice to go on-line and see someone has read my thoughts!

  14. Rach says:

    Just survived one this weekend. I got through by thinking, "my baby shower is going to be so much cuter than this one."

  15. Tara dS says:

    I have a strategy that works EXTREMELY well: Don't go. I RSVP by e-mail so I won't have to offer any further explanation and I just say, "So sorry I won't be able to make it." and then order a gift online and have it delivered to the mom. I never liked baby showers anyway, even before I knew I was infertile.

  16. Waitingfor1 says:

    L-O-V-E LOVE this!!! No 1 & 2, especially. Everytime I see my cousin and my family brags on how good she looks and how cure her belly is, I’d like to tell her she looks huge!!

  17. mommywannabe says:

    I like going to baby showers because it gives me an excuse to buy baby stuff. I kept the “baby powder” scented candle from a baby shower that I went to for good luck. I just like to smell it.