Jul 19

An infertile blog has not done its job if it did not address cervical fluid in detail!

Cervical fluid. The stuff in your underpants you never knew existed until recently. You merely thought it was just a nuisance or you had a yeast infection. Tell Jenny and Sally to step aside because cervical fluid is your new best friend. You greet ‘her’ arrival with happiness and glee, as you know that she will soon bring her friend ovulation.

As your fertility books have informed you, you know when she has arrived by reaching in and stretching her out. Why must fertility books always compare this to food? Cervical fluid is like egg whites; yeast infections are similar to cottage-cheese. Forget about eating a cheese omelet after that! At least these books refrain from comparing them to delicious foods like candy or cookies or pasta. “Your husband’s semen looks a little weak this month.” Your doctor would say. “It resembles marshmallows or white hot chocolate.” At least we can be thankful for that.

Just please never mention cervical fluid while you’re eating breakfast, especially while enjoying eggs and sausage.

9 Responses to “#947 Cervical Fluid: you may never eat scrambled eggs again!”

  1. finding_ac says:

    i think that the worst part about cervical MUCUS (the grossest way to say it) is trying to explain to another person how to chart thier mucus….they think you are some pervert telling them how to put thier fingers in thier vagina and pull out the "gooey stuff"…never felt like more of a perv than when i am explaining this to someone, for sure!!

    ♥ ac

  2. Anonymous says:

    Umm So the whole egg white thing doesn't bother me quite as much as the cottage cheese with a yeast infection. I was put on Provera after not having a period for 8 months. The change in hormones caused a yeast infection. I found out right before lunch – which was a baked potato with cottage cheese. I wanted to throw up while eating!

  3. Katie says:

    Thanks for always making me smile when I read your posts- and thanks for the comment on my blog!

  4. Jenn says:

    Hey I JUST found your blog!! lol That's funny your comments on cervical fluid! I was just thinking of that today and yesterday because well…yea.

    I started my own blog too–it should link here through my name–I do more rants lol and rarely talk of infertility though I think I should break out of the barn and begin.

    good on you! Jenn

  5. Anonymous says:

    Mmmm, nothing like a little snot for breakfast, yes?

    - Molly

  6. Egg Factory says:

    How about actually putting egg whites into your nether region. Apparently they can help increase fertility. I've never tried, it though. Talk about not ever wanting an omelet again.

  7. Infertile "hoping to be fertile" Naomi says:

    There is a lot you can do with egg whites!

  8. Infertile "hoping to be fertile" Naomi says:

    Welcome Jenn!

  9. Sinan Ozyol Poops Himself says:

    Have you seen bloggers who suggest that you taste your own cervical fluid? Apparently, salinity changes at different times of the cycle. That’s one step I won’t take, unless I’m guaranteed 100% to get pregnant.