Jul 28

We all know one of these women.

The ‘insensitive infertile’ is a woman who seems to forget she’s ever had a problem getting pregnant. During her infertility struggles, she moaned and complained (similar to us) and later went on to have a normal pregnancy. She now rejoices in her pregnancy and seems to forget that you are still having troubles. She makes snide comments and even jokes around with you about your situation. She announces her pregnancy with glee and spends most of your conversations bragging about her baby shower and her new Bug-a-boo.

The insensitive infertile might have PCOS or Endometriosis or perhaps unexplained infertility. She is just like us but the only difference is she also has a short term memory. You simply cannot believe her insensitivity knowing that she had experienced it herself. You truly understand insensitivity from women who never experienced infertility but from someone who has?


The good news is you will never be an ‘insensitive infertile’ when you get pregnant. You have a very good memory – just ask your husband and that big-breasted woman he was ogling on your vacation 4 years ago.

16 Responses to “#939 The insensitive infertile”

  1. Anonymous says:

    i have a sister-in-law kinda like this. She never had trouble with any of her 3 kids, but she did not plan for the 3rd kid. she came over to our home and wined to me for an hour about how when she went to the dr for the first time she cried the whole time. i never wanted to kick someone out of our home before, but i sure wanted to that day. she knew all the trouble that we have been having to get pregnant and she is wineing about a little blessing she is blessed with. ugh!! We have not had a good relatoinship since this conversation and now she has just had the baby a couple of months ago and that has put even more of a stain on it. i don't like people complaining about there children. i know everyone has bad days and wants to complain. i guess i just wish i had children to complain about.

  2. InfertileNaomi says:

    I hear you Christa.

    I believe that if you have never had issues with infertility that you can't 100% relate.

  3. finding_ac says:

    ha ha…this reminds me of a friend i have not talked to in a month. She has the same diagnosis as me and now has two healthy children. She is never all that patient with me when i tell her my woes, and tries to interuupt me to talk about herself or complain about her kids all the time (the same kids, four years ago, she was begging God to bless her with) its funny (not really, but for conversations sake) she tells me to just "wait it out, it will happen" or to "wait and get healthier first" or "wait untill we are more…this or that" before we have kids….but the thing is; she wouldnt have followed her own advice that she is giving me and it makes me so mad sometimes.

    i just want to shake her and say, "dude, i am you three years ago…we are in the same situation…how about extending a little sympathy!!" and when i even give her the slightest guilt trip about how poorly she is treating me about this, she will complain that no one supported her and i should get over it..

    what good friends i have, eh?


    ♥ ac

  4. InfertileNaomi says:

    AC- You need a better friend than her.

  5. Megan's Infertility says:

    awww the insensitive infertile lady….she'd better stay away from me…I have a good slappin' hand…and I'll use it!

  6. Just Another Day In Paradise says:

    I cant imagine ever being "this" girl… After 9 m/c's, I am not sure I will ever announce a pgcy. I never have, even with my first before I was tainted by RPL. I wish I hadnt been robbed of this innocence, but I have, and I will always remember it. Mark my words.

  7. Mrs.G says:

    Girls like this make me want to hit someone.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I told a friend that we were trying and hadn't been successful and she then told me how she went off the pill and two weeks later got pregnant with twins. Really? That makes me feel soooo much better.

    Thanks for your blog. After crying in the conference room at work for an hour, I came back to my desk and googled/found you. Thanks to you, I only shed a small tear when Aunt Flow came this morning.

    Next month will be the month!!! I can feel it!

  9. Jessica Loves Trevor (JLT) says:

    I hate bitches like this. I can't comprehend how someone can forget what it was like to be infertile, even after they get pregnant. I feel like IF is always with you if you have ever had the misfortune of experiencing it. It's never left me, anyway.

  10. InfertileNaomi says:

    Anonymous – So glad you found us and decided to comment! You sound like reason #998 'You cry in public places.' If you are going to cry at work, don't cry just in the conference room. There are much more interesting places to tear up!

    I would suggest crying:

    1) Under your desk. Just curl up in a ball and wave as your co-workers walk by.
    2) In the stairwell.
    3) Lay right on your boss' desk.
    4) In the men's bathroom.

    The conference room tears are so boring! :)

    Does anyone have any other suggestions where we can cry at work?

  11. Anonymous says:

    How about just turning on the office-wide PA system and having a nice cry next to that? Nothing like broadcasting it through the audio system, right?! Ugggh…I'd like my office to install a punching bag…that's what I really need when Aunt Flow comes to visit.

  12. InfertileNaomi says:

    Great suggestion! How about during a full company staff meeting. You should just burst into tears in front of everyone!

  13. Goodyear Family says:

    I work at an apartment complex, so there's only a couple people who work with me during the week. So I cry on my manger's the desk or out on the golf cart or while they are smoking I go outside and cry there too… I think I've cried everywhere there is to cry on the property…

  14. HometownGirl. says:

    yep, I know one of these…. on her 3rd and final IVF, pregnant with twins… now has ZERO sympathy with others who are dealing with this… oh.. and yeah, she's my SIL. *shakes head*

  15. Jenny H. says:

    my only consolation with this is maybe it will be a blessing to forget this pain one day when I finally have a baby in my arms…but I definitely will never complain in front of friends who don't have kids even if I don't know whether or not they are trying.

  16. Kat says:

    How about the nosy coworker that had fertility treatments to conceive and slips a list of infertility support group numbers on my desk after my m/c. WTH?!