So what if your uterus’ isn’t behaving! Who cares if your husband’s sperm has more tails than a dog! It doesn’t matter if you’re tubes have no idea how to fallop! Don’t feel sorry for us! There are lots of positive aspects to being an infertile such as….
(1) No awkward sex talk to your future children! Explaining the birds and the bees to our children will be fun! “Little Tommy, when a mommy and a daddy love each other they drive to a fertility clinic and 4 years later, you are conceived with a lot of love and a little test tube.”
(2) By the time you are pregnant, your friends are already finished having kids. You can borrow all their baby stuff (even if they are stained with poop and vomit).
(3) During IVF or IUI, your partner doesn’t even have to be present during conception! Just send him a quick text once it’s done. “Honey, we did it! How was it for you?”
(4) When you go to sleep at night, you still get to sleep through the night.
(5) You get to cry about infertility in random places. Why go to a boring old grocery store if you’re just going to shop. Yawn. Boring. Having a emotional breakdown in the tampon aisle, now that’s interesting!
(6) Your friends all offer to let you have their bratty kids. Great! So don’t be surprised and call the police when you take them. You had a verbal agreement.
(7) When you’re quintuplets arrive, you might get your own television show called IVF Mama Plus Five!
(8) You get to have surgery to help improve your fertility…. The positive side? The hospital offers these delicious pudding cups for lunch! Lip-smacking!
(9) Your friend have stretch marks, sagging breasts and wrinkles. You only have weight gain and acne due to fertility medication.
(10) Whoever said infertility was awful obviously never met your hot fertility doctor! He can inseminate you anytime!
Even if it doesn’t always feel this way and you think you will never get pregnant, infertility is most likely temporary. But hope and determination are permanent.
Ok, how do you get through a family baby shower. My husbands cousin just announced. Yes I’m already thinking about the baby shower since we ar not real close and won’t likely see her much bf then. Just FB maybe? I’m genuinely happy for her and wouldn’t want to make a fool of myself or spoil her special time in any way. I don’t think I shouldn’t go. It would probably be really rude and awkward since no-one knows how I feel except my husband. Any tips?
To spin it positively, we will never get stuck with the unwanted “oops” pregnancy that we can’t handle/afford as I found out has happened to the third person I know in the past year. Whenever I get pregnant, it will be a totally blessed, welcomed, wanted, exciting event.
Just found your site after googling one of the many 2 week wait questions that I’ve thought of over the last year and a half. It’s refreshing to read someone’s insights who is real with a sense of humor and completely relatable! Being infertile just felt a little better.
I can completely relate with number 5, but now when I cry at random times in random places, I am probably going to just bust out laughing. Thanks for the fresh perspective that I so much needed!!
anonymous, when you get the invitation or find out when the date is, make plans as quickly as you can for that day and send a nice gift with another relative. the “i am SO sorry i can’t make it to the shower but i made plans months in advance with my friends to (get a massage, etc.) and just can’t cancel on them now!” works like a charm…AND you get to pamper yourself on that day to keep your mind off of it…
Thanks Libby. I will try that. My husband and I are trying to plan for a cruise this summer. Too bad on timing… she must have announced really early bc they said fall. ( I found out on FB-hate that especially when it’s a FAMILY member) I did the math and my birthday is in Sept. Hope she atleast gives birth on a different date. Murphy’s law says no…I always seem to fall into that…I’ve joked of changing my name to Murphy Law. Silly I know.
Anonymous- If you don’t want to go to the baby shower, try saying ‘I would LOVE to go to your baby shower except that I will be crying in the bathroom the whole time so it wouldn’t be much fun for me. Save me some cake”
It’s honest at least!
Oh dear I would def be crying. Too embarrassing. I’m always hormonal bc there’s always something messing up my hormones…looks like I’ve got almost the whole nine months to think on it. I do wish her the best:) I know she’s wanted a baby for a while but nothing more than that. I don’t know if there’s bern a struggle or what her ‘a while’ was and I wouldn’t have dared ask! It’s just so weird to log onto FB and see all the family congratulating…and be like oh DH did u know your cousin is pregnant? He might have seen it too but wouldn’t have told me (my mom does that gushingly about every pregnacy/nb in our church) last time I said “Mom that’s great…very dryly, it happens every day here” I don’t think she means it…oh well. I have been to casual bs in a large group but this will be the first real intimate big family affair. Well, I don’t see her except holidays and she didn’t say anything at Christmas must have not known or just found out? I was glad bc I just “knew” anyways…enough of my rambling.
I just love your humour! Everytime, I feel like crying and self- pitying because of my missing AF (sooooooooo want to start my IUI and she just won’t show up), I come here and feel better after reading you texts! You are awesome!!!
Another upside to IF – sex can just be sex. At least now we won’t ever feel baby making pressure in our bedroom. My hubby and I can have unprotected sex all we want. I can be in whatever postion I like and I never have to start my seduction off with “hey, babe, better come and get some right now because I’m ovulating!”
We’ll make our babies in a lab and never have to worry about a vasectomy to tubal ligation.
LOL! Those are great. And yes, LOVE the sex talk one. But I can hear it now, “But mama, how did I get IN the tube?”
And yes, my doctor IS hot. Lucky me.
I love this blog so much. I just posted a tribute to 999 reasons to laugh at infertility on my own blog, talking about a situation that could be in your list of reasons. Find it here if you are interested:
I keep telling my mom that she jinxed me b/c when I was a little kid (like, 5 years old or whatever), I would ask her “where do babies come from?”, and instead of hearing about the magical stork she would tell me “when you get married and you’re ready to get pregnant, you go to the doctor and he will give you medicine that makes you pregnant.” Yeah, thanks mom :/ And oh, the medicine, it’s still not working. I now have more artificial hormones in me than cheap chicken.
It’s great to be infertile because … You meet new people at the IVF clinic. I have made real friends there.
# 5 – 20 minutes ago, I bawled my eyes out in front of my grandfatherly neighbor when I took the trash out and he asked how I was doing. I bet he’ll never do that again. Way to care off the neighbors Nanc!
I meant “scare” not “care” !
Anonymous – I agree with the rest of the ladies, beg out if you can’t handle it. I would normally say that avoidance is not a good way to get through problems but I made the mistake of going to one of my best friend’s baby showers…her parents just thought we were career people just waiting to have kids, instead of being infertile (at the time it was 8 years of trying). Not only did I get the task of writing down all the gifts but her sister made me play a game where I had to blind-folded taste baby food and tell them what flavor I thought it was…in front of 60 people. It was honestly one of the hardest days…but I cried and got over it (now I beg out of baby showers when possible). They didn’t mean to be cruel but it happened. Good luck!
It’s GREAT to be an Infertile Because… you can laugh at the irony when your IVF Shared Donor Nurse randomly calls to inform you that you still have not been selected as a donor after 6 months of waiting, only to go home and AF decides to pay you a visit.
I’ve added you to my Blogroll. this site is just great!
Another great thing is that you can tell your future children how much you spent on them before they were even born so you obviously love them more than fertile myrtle moms love their 1st-shot kid(s).
Infertiles are not 1 trick ponies that’s for sure!
I seriously love this blog, every time I come in here I have a laugh!
Anonymous: about the gift, I find that shopping for books is less traumatic for me and people do seem to appreciate them. It’s a lot less akward than crying in the baby section in Toys R Us that just seems to make everyone else uncomfortable.
Thanks 7 years and counting (hopefully that count will end soon:’)
I didn’t think of that. I’ve bern doing cards with money but feel cheesy sometimes even if they are just acquaintances (our church has a lot of big group showers families and all) sone are friends though but I can’t confide…in fact speaking of church, not the best place for barren. A lady with 10 month old just announced again there. On stupid FB. I told my husband I just couldn’t go AF and all worse…I just knew I’d cry with the announcement( and really scared I wouldn’t be able to stop) the father to be always gets called out at our church to proudly announce the additions and our church also likes it ‘Duggar’ style. Trying to figure out how to miss Sunday too. They’ll want to make sure and cover it again for those who missed…we just had two nb this past month an announcement ( I picked up on it weeks ago) do any of you all have some uncanny just know radar? Then my DH cousin…it’ll never stop and bc you know the church…always multiple pregnants and nb then it starts all over. I have to fake and feel bad that I should be counting my blessings with God. I don’t gush over the babies, ask the preggos questions…just avoid. Oh well.
Anonymous: It’s so weird that you mentioned the radar thing, I’ve developed that too.
It’s so great to overhear in the church bathroom stake a conversation like this “oh congratulations just announced and a ten month old (we all know what that means…1 every year for this blessed gal) anyways so the congratulations and then oh are your parents so excited? Oh of course they are because you two make such beautiful babies? Really so their parents couldn’t possibly be excited if their first baby was ugly…because oh no they might get another ugly grandchild and that would be terribly unexciting. Really. DUMB. I know the lady meant well but I really hear a lot of dumb things. Heres to cute Baird for all only. Ugh…Um…ugh….yeah. No words…
[...] When the cause of your infertility is not severe, you may opt for alternative infertility cure.Sometimes you can doubt about stress causing infertility but in some cases it just leads to infertility.A good way to do away with stress is to relax.Obesity and being underweight can bring about infertility.You have to be cautious of your food intake as you’re trying to bear children, never too much and never too little as well.Seek advice from a dietician for the food you have to eat when you’re trying to get pregnant. And take note that smoking and too much drinking can cause infertility.So if you want to be with child, try to keep away from them. And don’t forget to see a doctor for more inquires about infertility cure. Related Blogs#684 It’s GREAT to be an Infertile Because… [...]
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Thank you, thank you, thank you for this blog!! My husband and I just finished up our 5th unsuccessful IUI and are embarking on IVF and if I couldn’t come here and have a good laugh/cry sometimes, I would lose my mind!!
Good luck to all of the future mommies on here!!
This is the best blog I have come across during the 2 years of TTC. Thanks for the tears from laughter. My husband and I have decided not to tell anyone about the infertility treatments (p.s. 4 failed IUI not on to not so cheap IVF) so everyone, and even more so the moms, keep asking why we don’t want kids. Really???
Thank you for a smile! Just got a call that after a 2nd (very expensive) IVF retireval of 16 ‘great looking’ eggs only 4 fertilized…now we have to wait 3 more days and pray they survive (unlike our first round). This is the hardest expereince we’ve ever gone through. Thank you out there, wherever you are for understanding and making me laugh!
Love your blog! So funny and hits the spot. Makes this whole TTC thing a lot lighter issue when you can laugh about it. Thanks for making my morning.
Thanks April! It helps to laugh. I sprinkled some baby dust on this blog, so hopefully that helps everyone.
I LOVE your blog.
Brandy: I now have more artificial hormones in me than cheap chicken.
That cracked me up
I need this site so much!