Remember your ‘pregnancy plan’ from months/years ago? You had planned to get pregnant within a couple months, announce your pregnancy to the world (including posting those annoying Facebook photos of your belly), go on maternity leave and then leave your job for good…
…Fast forward to present day.
Your ‘pregnancy plan’ now included decades years of trying, many useless OPK and pregnancy sticks, fertility tests, forcing encouraging your husband to have a few semen analysis tests, blood and ultrasound appointments and Clomid/IUIs/IVFs, ect… So when your naive friend tells you her plans to get pregnant within a few months, all you can do is shake your head in frustration.
Naive Friend: “I plan to get pregnant with my first baby and have it in July. Then, I plan to get pregnant a second time, maybe two years later, and give birth in the summer too. I had another friend who planned it that way and I thought it sounded good.”
…And sometimes it’s okay for an infertile to smack a friend.
Worst part is, their plan will probably happen, and they will announce their pregnancy either on your birthday or the day you get AF after ANOTHER failed cycle.
2 of my friends are pregnant with their #2s. They “invited” another friend to get pregnant too so that their children will be of the same age. She said OK and announced her pregnancy a few weeks later. How nice.
Another friend has decided to have #2. She is now considering which month she should deliver based on her work project schedule. I believe she will just as successful as her 1st.
My pregnancy plan? Get pregnant. Yeah, that about covers it. Worst pregnancy ever? I’ll take it. Hugely pregnant in August in the south? Sure. Baby inconveniently born on a major holiday? Why not? Boy, girl? I don’t care if it’s a hermophrodite, it’s a child and it’s mine. Twins, triplets? Bring it on, give me my quiverful of arrows. Just, you know, get pregnant. Stick to the plan.
right on Kaci!!!
Geeeez Mira I wanna slap the “another friend” for sure. Seriously, why do these women really believe they are allowed to PLAN which month they get pregnant????? It shouldn’t work like that!! Certainly doesn’t for us!!
I think its only fair that if we have so much trouble getting pregnant that “god” or whoever is in charge should take an average of all of us and make that the standard! its not right that people can get pregnant at the thought of starting a family.
Most (if not all) of my friends who “planned” to get pregnant at a certain time – did. And now they ask me to “relax” and complain about how hectic life is, and how lucky I am, to be able to sleep in.
Mira – you have all my sympathies – you can’t even smack such friends, its better to stay far far away from them!
…and she will do it all TIMES THREE (3 kids) while you are still trying to get pregnant. Can you tell this is happening to me?
Amen ladies. I especially cringed when my friend’s pregnancy plan included having her baby at the birthing center that I was planning on using. I feel like an awful person for being jealous, but it’s hard to see someone else live your plans when all you can do is mope because it didn’t work out for you!
this has happened to me for the last 8 years that hubby & i have been ttc. best day was on my birthday my sister announces that she is pg by accident. then 2 months later (on the 7 yr anniv of my misscarriage) she asks ME to throw her baby shower since none of her friends are ogranized enough to do it.
That’s right, Kaci!!
*HUGS* to Mira, Jess and well everyone.
The number of planned and oopsies babies that have been born during our years of IF is mind-numbing!! Thanks all for creating a place of understanding.
When we finally got pregnant after years of trying, my due date was June 3rd. I am a teacher, and everyone at school went on and on and on about how well I had planned my pregnancy to coincide with the school year. They kept telling me that for their next babies they were going to plan it that way, and my response was always the same, “Oh, you’re going to go through 4 years of hell and torment as you repeatedly fail to get pregnant and have 3 major surgeries before finally getting pregnant too?!?!”
Kaci, I’m so with you! And I’m so sick of hearing about everyone’s quiverful of arrows too! I keep telling my doc I’ll take as many babies as he can give me at one time! I’m so tired of hearing “we are trying to achieve a singleton pregnancy.” NEWSFLASH! Its not working!!!!
I’m only using clomid and progesterone so far, but my fertile friends are all like “you’re gonna have six babies at once!” and I’m just like “and? what’s your point?” my answer for them is always that I’d rather have six kids at once than no kids at all, b/c infertility has already made me crazy!
If only I were so naive! I knew at 14 that getting pregnant would be difficult (thanks, pcos). So I guess I just never even worried about timing and seasons and stuff.
Now we will be ttc # 2 in a few months and my parents actually asked if we could time it so the baby is born sometime from May to December, because they would like to go away to Florida during the other months! Sure mom…I’ll get right on that!
When we did our first IUI I told a good friend of mine what we were doing. It never even occurred to me that she might try but she did and phoned on the day I got my period to tell me we would be having babies at the same time. She felt horrible for my loss and I felt like an ass because all I could do was cry.
I don’t tell anyone about our procedures any more.
“I plan to get pregnant with my first baby and have it in July. Then, I plan to get pregnant a second time, maybe two years later, and give birth in the summer too. I had another friend who planned it that way and I thought it sounded good.”
Well Said
We recently went on a weekend trip with my husband’s college roommates and their wives. I knew one of them was pregnant and I was fine, but the other wife announced her pregnancy as soon as we got there and then talked about it THE. WHOLE. TIME. When she started talking about her pregnancy plan, how she had wanted to have a baby in the spring so she started trying in the summer and it just worked out perfectly, it was all I could do not to scream.
I know she was excited and she doesn’t know me well enough to know what my husband and I are going through. But I still hung out the guys, none of whom was really that interested in talking about their wives’ ultrasounds or morning sickness, for the rest of the weekend.
…best friend told me she is pregnant with baby #2 (by accident) which is due 10mth after baby number one was born, and she is 6 mth older then me and married 6mth after me, but i am NOT bitter about that, and VERY happy for her after all she is having a boy after having a girl the first time.
She was very kind and considered though and waited till I got a BFP from IVF #3, to tellme and for that I love her…shame that ended in another miscarrige (3rd one)
And if anyone ever tells me again how the KNOW that I am having twins, or they KNOW that I am having a girl or the Know I am having a boy named Jackson, I will slap them, cause they where all WRONG every time!!!
I’m so happy I found this blog! This makes me laugh, in a time where I am depressed most of the time, I love my friends and my family.. But your right when you have been trying for 9 years and your friends and… sisters, cousins are having thier children a few months after getting married then having their second all within the same couple of months it makes you wanna slap a friend or a family member. Even though I LOVE.. being an aunt! It’s hard. Im also glad im not the only one who cringes at the facebook pics and status’s that continually dote on every kick, feeling and belly pics!! UUGGHHHH, but alas I have found a remedy to that.. just click hide for 9 months then, right after the birth unhide them and congratulate
that way I dont feel like such a bad friend lol.
Holy god this is an amazing post. My best infertility buddy just got pregnant with #2 on her first try after it took 3 years for #1. Of course I’m happy for her, of course she texted me the same day I got my period, of course I cried and cried and cried…
I am a teacher and EVERY one is pregnant or just had a kid. Kids are always asking me why I don’t have kids. Of course, I can’t rattle off my infertility struggle to them! To top it off, a so-called friend announced her second pregnancy to me by saying: “I have good news, although it’s not really good news for you, I guess. I’m pregnant!” Gee, with friends like these, who needs enemas! I went to the restroom and nearly threw up!
Set your life time more easy get the home loans and everything you require.
Right on, Kaci!!!! That’s exactly it…. I don’t care if it’s a boy or girl. I don’t care if I have triplets. I don’t care if it’s born on a major holiday. I don’t care if I am heavily pregnant in February in Canada. Bring it on… just give me my baby, I’ll take care of the rest.
I just spent my evening listening to two friends discuss their pregnancy plans and wishing someone would just shoot me and put me out of my misery. I expect announcements by summer.
See this article. The welfare mom is jealous of her own teenage daughter’s pregnancy even though she already has 14 kids without a husband. Glad I’m not a British taxpayer today.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2015364/The-mother-14-husband-wants-baby-compete-pregnant-15-year-old.html