Nov 02

We’re hormonal, pregnancy-obsessed, baby bump envious, addicted to fertility drugs, a tad crazy at times but lovable all the same! But (somewhere) underneath the hysterical sobbing and emotional breakdowns, we still  keep our sense of humor.

Here are some infertile “insider tips” on how to (have fun with) and make an infertile go absolutely crazy.

  1. Tell us how you got pregnant on your first try and then complain about your pregnancy symptoms.
  2. Ask us to take weekly photos of your pregnancy belly and then ask us to post them on Facebook FOR you.
  3. When we come to your house, stain all of your toilet paper bright red.
  4. Playfully hide all of our time-sensitive fertility medication.
  5. Tell us that our fertility clinic telephoned but you can’t remember the message.
  6. Tell us a story about someone you know who adopted and then suddenly got pregnant.
  7. Tell us to relax and stop trying so it will just happen.
  8. Use the acronym ‘BFN’ when referring to your cousin Billy F. Newman.
  9. Complain about your children, daily.
  10. Ask us to pick up some diapers and baby products for you.
  11. Wait until the first day of our period and then ask us to help plan your baby shower.
  12. Tell us that you accidentally spilled our fertility medication into the toilet.
  13. Remind us of how old we are and still do not have children.
  14. Ask us if we’re pregnant yet.

21 Responses to “#704 Insider Tips: Ways to Drive an Infertile Crazy”

  1. Amanda says:

    Love your blog, Naomi! DH and I were both recently (finally) diagnosed infertile after months of suspecting and over a year of trying. Long time reader, first time poster. This website is exactly what I need on days like today…

    LOL! My aunt called today to ask when would be a good time for me to come in town for my cousin’s baby shower. Not only am I going, I have to travel 1000 miles for the “we weren’t even trying” couple! I MUST be crazy!

  2. CherylC says:

    No1 is ringing bells with me just now! My sister in law just got pregnant with their 2nd in the first month of trying, same as when they tried last time. I’ve not had the heart to be in contact yet as last time you would have thought she was terminally ill rather than pregnant the way they went on!! And a friend at work who got pregnant ‘accidentally’ with her 3rd complains constantly about her symptoms and was signed off work at 16wks – stop moaning!!!!!!!!!

  3. says:

    HAHAHA @ number 5!!!

  4. Toni says:

    hahahahahaha… it

  5. Donna says:

    Ha Ha I love it! My brother’s gf, who was on depo shot, has a crazy 5 yr old and wasn’t even trying seems to think I care about her everyday barfing and popping veins around her eyes from doing it so much.She texts me all the time to tell me where and when she puked! I’m so surprised she hasn’t shared what color it was. Its so irritating to hear and then add the “I wasn’t trying” into the conversation when she is with people who have been trying. Make me want to slap her upside the head. If only she wasn’t pregnant!

  6. says:

    Mine will always be #1 if you want to make me cry hysterically just pull #1 on me.

  7. says:

    great no14 ;)classic.
    + my mother-in-law keeps telling me how many children she already had when she was my age.
    + tells me who is pregnant and how old they are
    + every time I say sth about my friends her first question/comment is always: do they have children?

  8. Gail K says:

    I love it all, but 1, 6, 7, 9 and 14 really strike a chord. So true…..

  9. Lisa says:

    How about tell me your pregnant on day number one of my period and then continue on to tell me that your EXACTLY as far along as I would be if I hadn’t miscarried!
    True story – just happened to me this weekend! Talk about an infertile meltdown!!

  10. C says:

    Love this list! Just this weekend my SIL (who has 2 beautiful children without ever TTC & doesn’t know all that DH & I have been through) made a comment about her surprise that a mutual friend used HPTs because “it seems like she’s the type who would already know that”. If only she knew how many HPTs I’ve taken over the past 29 cycles!

  11. UK Yankee says:

    The one I love is when I open up about wanting a baby and get a slew of comments about ‘come babysit mine, it’s great birth control’ or ’spend an hour with my kid, it’ll cure you!’ AARGH!!

  12. Jenn says:

    15. Ensure there is someone enthusiastically announcing her “unexpected good news” at EVERY single family gathering (including funerals). Make sure all attendees know that it’s required to follow up said good news with the “you’re gonna be next” look/wink/comment in the direction of any childless couple in the room. ugh.

  13. Chrissi says:

    @Lisa: If I were you, I would have gone postal…

    One of my collegues is perfect at #9. My favourite comment was: “Lucky you, you’ve only got a cat and needn’t worry about problems at school!”

  14. says:


    #15 Remind us how we still have plenty of time!

    @Lisa – that is heartbreaking what a hateful bitch!

  15. Jade says:

    Okay, so..I just want people to hold on to that “Hope” especially when that’s all you really have when it comes to “becoming Pregnant!” I know exactly how it feels, to hope & pray for that BFP..Believe me, i know. & How heartbreaking it is everytime your period comes. & How you just want to give up! But i dont want any of you to give up. I know that many people dont share the same religious views as i, but for those of you who do, It’s not Gods Will for someone to not have children. Dont give up!

    My Husband & I have been together for almost 5 years & we tried for majority of that time also. I honestly thought we wouldnt have kids, but i kept on trying. There were times when i just didnt try though. But, in 2007 my Husband was diagnosed with Varicocele, with a low sperm count of 14 Mil & slowly moving progression, in the right direction. I thought we would have to seek Fertility Treatment. But, after being with my Husband for those years without once becoming Pregnant, we found out on Oct. 24th that our wish came true. I’m Pregnant!

    I know how painful it is, to watch everyone around you get Pregnant..While your the only person you know who is suffering from actually getting Pregnant. It hurts & you just sit back with that fake smile & Congratulate them. But, try to be happy for those who can get Pregnant. Because someday, that person will be you! & All you have to do, is hold on to Hope..Because that’s all you really have.

  16. says:

    I bet I’ve experience 10 out of 14 of these. Sooo frustrating that we just have to laugh. Earlier this week, I confessed to a close friend of mine that I was really struggling with all the pregnancy updates she was sending to me as she gets closer and closer to her due dates. In response, she texted me an ultrasound picture of her baby’s butt. I just stared at it, wanting to cry over the fact that she just doesn’t get it, but instead I laughed (slightly) over how simple she is.

  17. E'sMom says:

    Even though I’ve not had to deal with infertility myself, I stand with those who have. I’m a pharmacist and I despise having to sell Plan B/Next Choice. My thoughts are “If you don’t want to risk getting pregnant then don’t have unprotected sex, the daily OCP and condoms are much cheaper and heck, abstinence is free.” My husband’s SIL (who has had PCOS) royally pissed me off when, after trying for a year and hearing “everyone’s pregnant but me” gets pregnant & has 1st son, decides later she doesn’t want to put out the money for birth control so she doesn’t take it, then almost 3 years later after having 1st son got pregnant again without trying and tells me she’s struggling with being pregnant b/c she wasn’t ready to have another baby yet. I’m like are you freakin’ kidding me? It really ticked me off b/c we knew of a few couples who had just miscarried and I really wanted to tell her how all of them wanted to be in her shoes (pregnant for a 2nd time without even trying) and remind her of what she was saying to me just a few years earlier.

  18. AlwaysAnAuntie says:

    Tell me we lost electricity when my Follistim needs to be refrigerated!

  19. jellybean says:

    I have an old school friend who was thrilled to be pregnant. Especially since it took “a WHOLE month” to concieve (mind you she was 22 at the time). Are you freaking kiidding me?!?!?!
    Ugh, 3 years into it and we still haven’t had even a glimmer of a positive. LAME

  20. veronica says:

    I think this is a tad sad. Why do women who have been given the gift of being a mother have to feel so guilty about announcing their great news or posting a picture of one of their babies milestones? I understand the pain this may cause some people but you should be happy for your family and friends because they aren’t going through something so difficult. I rejoice and bless all my family and friends when they deliver the news. Never have I thought someone was doing it to rub it in. I feel like some woman are too negative and would love to through their issue on someone else’s doorstep. Positivity is what keeps me sane !!!!

  21. Rebecca says:

    @Veronica I’m always happy when one of my SIL tells me the are expecting. But when they sit there and complain about how sick they are or how ready they are to get the baby out it makes me mad. My sister has tried for 5 years and finally got pregnant and is expecting this week. She has not once complained because she feels like its a gift that she is pregnant. @UK Yankee I get that all the time and it is one of the worst things in my life. I watch my nephew every day all day because my SIL works and every time I talk about getting pregnant she says why watching my son isn’t enough for you