“I HATE YOU, SPERM!
GO AWAY, CERVIX!
LEAVE ME ALONE, UTERUS!”
There is nice, friendly and helpful cervical mucus and then there is its moody teenage rival, hostile cervical mucus. The only bodily liquid of its kind that hates everyone and everything. It’s not just mean and angry, this cervical mucus is downright hostile, killing anything that gets in its way. You would much rather have hostile saliva, angry snot or moody urine but no, they are all quite friendly and accommodating. They always do their jobs with grace and enthusiasm. You are just one of the lucky ones who happen to have hostile vaginal discharge. In the past when you had a one night stand, you would say to Mr. What’s his name, “Be gentle. It’s a hostile environment down there,” and your fertility doctor would tell you that “your cervical mucus is quite hostile. He keeps slapping my hand back.”
No wonder you can’t get pregnant. You have World War 3 vaginal discharge. Kill that sperm. Soldier down. Soldier down.