1) Rubbing a baby’s head against your stomach for good luck. Note: Rubbing a stranger’s baby against yourself will probably land you in jail, and you would have to stop infertility treatments so not a good idea.
2) Taking someone else’s baby. That baby looks kind of like you but you probably shouldn’t steal her. The mother already has 3 kids, she’d probably thank you for taking the baby. Let’s ask her!
3) Leaving your fertility needles in your mommy friend’s garbage can. Probably best not to leave needles in a trash can with few kids around. Save them for the birthday parties.
4) Commenting on a pregnant Facebook “friend” that you’re sick of seeing her ‘growing belly’ and ’soon-to-be mommy tummy’ photos. And remove your ultrasound profile picture too, friend!
5) Ruining someones baby shower to make you feel better. Maybe hiding the cake and all the presents in your car.
6) When a friend announces her pregnancy news, comment “Are you kidding me? I’ve been trying for 3 years and you get pregnant on the first try. That’s pretty insensitive, don’t you agree?”
7) Fake a pregnancy at work and then take the maternity leave as vacation time. Note: you might have to steal a baby to keep up the facade.
Steal some pregnancy and OPK kits from your clinic. Quick, the nurse just went into an IUI, grab some now and bring some back for all of us!!
9) Tell your MIL that you would have gotten pregnant already if her son actually had some sperm.
10) Tell your friend to remove her breast milk from your refrigerator. Would she want your husband’s semen sample in her cooler? Tit for tat.