Sep 29

Similar to the five stages of death, when you find out you’re not pregnant you find yourself going through a similar state of mind.

Stage one: Denial No, this can’t be my period. It looks too light. It could still be implantation bleeding. The blood on the tampon looks too brown. I’ll just wait until the end of the day to take a pregnancy test. If the pregnancy test is negative, it could mean that I tested too early. I don’t have cramps this month and it doesn’t “feel” like my period. I could still be pregnant.

Stage two: Anger
Well, I’m not pregnant again! Why does this keep happening to me? Will I ever get pregnant? I hate all those pregnant women on Facebook. Why do they keep posting pictures of their belly’s? Who wants to see pictures of their babies anyways? There are pregnant women everywhere. How do they get pregnant so easily? Must be nice to be so fertile.

Stage three: Bargaining
Please God. Give me a child. I will do anything. I promise I will lose weight and eat healthy if I can just get pregnant next month. Sperms – please implant. Just swim upstream as fast as you can. Follicles – please grow and multiple. I promise not to drink coffee tomorrow and I’ll be the best mother ever. Doctor – please don’t cancel my cycle, I’m okay with having 8 babies.

Stage four: Depression
WHY ME??? I feel like my heart is going to ache forever and my eyes hurt from crying so much. There is a lump in my chest. I am going to sleep all day in bed because what’s the point of getting up anyway? Why is the pregnancy test always negative? How come everyone else can get pregnant but me? I feel so alone. My husband doesn’t understand how awful it feels.

Stage five: Acceptance
Well. I guess it’s really my period. I guess that negative pregnancy test really is correct. I’m not pregnant this month. I know it seemed like it was implantation spotting but it’s really my period. Time to tell my spouse that I’m not pregnant.

You might think finding out you’re not pregnant again is bad but don’t expect sympathy from the dying man beside you. He’s got his own problems.


18 Responses to “#885 The five stages of finding out you’re not pregnant”

  1. Pundelina says:

    LOL too true!

  2. Rach says:

    LOL! Same here. I seem to go through that exact cycle every month.

  3. Infertile says:

    Bravo – what an infertility masterpiece!

  4. Guera! says:

    Perfect interpretation!!

  5. Rebecca says:

    Ah, that was just absolutely perfect. For this cycle, I just finished those stages Monday…

  6. Anonymous says:

    Hysterical Post. Perfectly put.

  7. Joanne says:

    The last sentence wraps it up perfectly!

  8. Complicated Life says:

    That is just so accurate!

  9. finding_ac says:

    ha ha ha…the dying man…ha ha!

    ♥ ac

  10. Mary-Anne says:

    Exactly. Glad others know EXACTLY how I feel every single month.

  11. Mrs.G says:

    LOL I love this!

  12. Hopeful for a Baby says:

    This is ME! I love the last sentence…I can never figure out how to break it to him…anyone have any advice on that?

  13. Jendometriosis says:

    thumbs up!

  14. JenT says:

    SOOOO true! I have been through everyone of those stages so many times!
    Thanks for this blog! Love it so far!

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  16. says:

    I never realized how many people go through that exact same thing. Thanks for making me feel not so alone.

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