Jul 05

You are like a baby bump spy.

Anytime you are with friends, you lurk around for any suspicious looking baby bumps or extra fat around their belly. You don’t know why you feel so compelled to look at someones belly, as it tortures you a bit, but your eyes always seem to glance quickly in the belly direction. It’s kind of like when your husband checks out a girl – he looks quickly and then diverts his eyes (although in that case, it’s definitely not torturing him).

Every time you see a group of friends, you feel compelled to check out their bellies. Who is pregnant? Who do you think is pregnant and who is not telling yet? It’s like you are trying to mentally prepare yourself for when they make the big announcement. “I’m pregnant” Your friend will later say with glee. “Oh I already knew.” You boast. It’s kind of like you’re saying ‘I already knew months ago so I’m okay with it now.’ But truthfully, you think that your friends might be checking out your belly too. In your case, you might pretend that you are expecting by purposely wearing a larger shirt, scratching your belly from time to time and refusing any alcohol. If they are too shy to ask you if you are pregnant, are you really going to correct them? If they do ask, you will tell them the truth but if they don’t, maybe you WILL be pregnant the next time you see them so it won’t be a lie.

Your mind works in mysterious ways.

7 Responses to “#958 No, it’s not a baby bump, I’m just fat”

  1. finding_ac says:

    ha ha, i disagree. people are never too shy to ask me…since i have had 5 m/c- chem pregs…i seem to show early and people always ask right after i have had a loss…or hell- i have pcos and i actually have this belly that in no way matches my body…small arms, and legs…and this big belly that is always bloated- even further making me look pregnant…

    heck, people dont even ASK me if i am expecting…they assume i am and ask me questions about my baby (the one in real life that i just lost, but they think is still inside me) or about what items i still need, or when i am due and if i am ready for the hospital stay…

    it sucks more than anything…and you either look crazy to your husband (who always happens to be with you when they ask) and say you are due in approx 6-8 months and then hurry up and leave hoping to never see the rude woman again, but not making her feel like an ass for asking- especially since you didnt offer it up…or you tell them you are just fat, they hate you and sneer, or they say "are you sure" (as if you werent) or the spend the next hour telling you all the ways thier second cousin lost weight and why you need to etc etc etc.

    either way you feel like crap…and now you are even more aware that you look like crap.

    you havent had a baby (not for lack of trying) and now everyone knows what a failure you are…(or what a crazy person you are pretending you are to try to save the dignity of the rude asker or your dignity not to have to deal with the long conversation with strangers about your miscarriages- which wont save you from lectures either)

    uhh…as you can see i just dealt with this situation again last weekend at a garage sale….why?? why??? you tell me why??

    ♥ ac

  2. InfertileNaomi says:

    AC- I speak for everyone when I say we think you look great and your husband thinks you're the hottest woman on this blog! (I didn't ask him but I'm sure that's what he thinks).

    There is no way you are a failure. A failure is someone who won't even try in the first place. Success is measured by your willingness to fail and then to try again.

  3. Eileen says:

    I totally do this every public place I am in… and with friends. I haven't spied one on any of my friends yet, but I know it's coming soon. I can feel it. Uggghhh.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I'm grateful no one has asked me if I'm pregnant… I think my face poofed out too, with the PCOS, but yes, I have the typical barrel-shaped torso, and as I try to lose weight, I keep pushing it with my index finger, hoping its deflating, just so I can fill it right back up again, but this time with good things! Here's hoping…

    - Molly

  5. wishing and hoping says:

    Wow. Every post you make is so true! I thought I was the only one that did these sorts of things, but now I know that a lot of us share these crazy experiences together. I constantly look at all my female, of child-bearing age, friends' and family's bellies like a paranoid maniac! I always feel like I'm on the verge of someone announcing their pregnancy. Thanks for sharing this post!

  6. Rach says:

    Each month I look forward to seeing if I'm pregnant so I have something to blame the extra weight gain on!

  7. Li says:

    OMG how do you know how my mind works? I am constantly scanning pictures of friends on facebook for bumps. Unfortunately for me, I end up finding quite a few with bumps:( Of course I am happy for them, BUT I wish had a bump too (and not just plain old belly fat, which incidentally, has been growing quickly).

    Thanks Naomi for making me laugh..