Jan 18
You’ve had a lot of special moments during your infertility journey.
The “this time next year I will be pregnant” moment.
The “I can’t believe IVF didn’t work” moment.
The “all my friends are pregnant but me” moment.
To name just a few…
But the “I SHOULD BE PREGNANT RIGHT NOW” moment is extra fun. You did the fertility treatment and you were so sure that this one was going to work. During the two week wait, you had dangerous fantasies like how you would tell your parents or imagining your baby’s due date. Then, the negative pregnancy test happens and your fantasies disappear faster than your cervical mucus. You are now left with the “I should be pregnant right now” moment which includes special moments like:
- Seeing a pregnant woman and thinking “that should be me!”
- Thinking that your sixth week ultrasound would be next week.
- Knowing that you have to pay for ANOTHER round of treatment.
- Thinking that you’ll still have to be a bridesmaid and wear that ugly dress in (fill in the blanks) wedding after all.
- Stopping doing your “I could be pregnant” fake pregnancy waddle.
Now it’s your “I need a strong drink” moment. Someone grab a drink or two or eight. It’s infertility ‘happy’ hour.
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Jan 13
The “You Know You’re Infertile When” series continues….
- You find out your mother’s friend’s dry cleaner’s daughter’s Facebook friend’s second cousin’s once removed is pregnant through IVF, and you are still jealous.
- You wear loose fitting shirts and pretend to waddle so people think that you’re pregnant.
- You inspect the toilet paper and your vaginal discharge at least 10 times a day.
- You anticipate hearing pregnancy announcements every time you see your friends.
- You’ve tried to increase your basal temperature by urinating while you take your temp.
- You feel your breasts, subtly, in public for signs of tenderness.
- You stop drinking coffee but then you cheat often.
- Excessive burping and farting during the two week wait excites you.
- You won’t use the telephone for the entire day knowing the fertility clinic will be calling.
- You always look at a stranger’s belly to see if she’s pregnant, and if she is, you glare at her.
Jan 11
If you are a true infertility, you know what the acronym TTC means because you chart your BBT almost everyday. But a serious infertile also knows the full infertility acronyms, SCREW YOU, style.
RE – Retriever of eggs.
BBT – Barren but terrific.
TTC – Trying to come.
WTFAINPY – Why the fuck am I not pregnant yet?
ITOPWIP – I’m the only person who isn’t pregnant.
YHTBITYALSDYT – You had two babies in two years? A little slutty, don’t you think?
MFAAPAAMEAITF – My friends are all pregnant and all my embryos are in the freezer.
ICEGPWTPTSRITE – I can’t even get pregnant when they put the sperm right into the egg.
WIOB – Where is our baby?
IDWTHYPN – I don’t want to hear your pregnancy news.
CMIMFTOM – Cervical mucus is my favorite type of mucus.
WRAIDH – We relaxed and it didn’t happen.
PTATD - Pregnancy tests are the devil.
IGHOFA – I get high on (folic) acid.
ILAMVDMTILAMH – I look at my vaginal discharge more than I look at my husband.
IWSMFCIIHT – I will stalk my fertility clinic if I have to.
IWTSBBIKTTIMH – I want to steal babies but I keep that thought in my head.
WSHH…… We still have hope.
Dec 30
Congratulations to the Infertile “Winners” of 2009.
- Congratulations to the Duggar Family from the reality TV show, 18 Kids & Counting on the birth of their 19th child! Proud parents Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar welcome another baby into their large fertile family. Congratulations big daddy on your exceptional sperm count and a uterus that seems to get pregnant on the first try every single time. Are they going to keep re-naming the television show after she reaches 30 and Counting? Mazel Tov from the entire infertile community.
- Remember Thomas Beatie? He is believed to be the world’s first ‘pregnant man.’ He gave birth to TWO children while some of us with working vaginal parts can’t even get pregnant with one.
- Octomom and single mother, Nadya Suleman gave birth to octuplets through In Vitro Fertilisation, and now has her own reality show. Hey Nadya, how did you afford the treatment and where can we find your discounted fertility clinic? We’d be happy to take a baby or two off your hands!
- Congratulations to Brad and Angelina on 8 children within 5 years! You make adopting and getting pregnant look so simple!
Dec 09
A typical day…..Eat breakfast, go to work, google random infertility phrases….
“Fertility drugs, side effects”
“Sore breasts. Am I pregnant?”
“Dark nipples. Early pregnancy symptom?”
“Will IVF hurt?”
“Does IUI work on first try?”
“Will I ever get pregnant?”
Why do you do this to yourself? Googling negative phrases about infertility does not lead to happy, positive answers! You will often get horror stories that will make you more frightened then before. Do you expect to find delightful, fun answers after googling “embryo retrieval, will it hurt?” or googling “depressed, infertility?” Do you expect to find an answer like ‘The embryo retrieval felt fantastic! I would do it over and over again!…..www.embryorretrievalsrock.com.’ Do you expect googling “tender boobies, am I pregnant?” will give you the right answer like ‘tender breasts are a definite sign of pregnancy. You are 100 percent pregnant…… www.youaredefinitelypregnant.com.’
You spend a lot of time googling fertility symptoms and but do you really believe that anything good will come out of searching for “fertility drug, side effects?” Dr. Google will not tell you that there are zero side effects and you will be just fine. Instead, he will list all the possible scary side effects and it will increase your worrying.
Give yourself a break. The answers are not in the cyber world. The answers come from you and the knowledge that you are stronger and more confident because of infertility.
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