Apr 30

It’s official. Jessica Simpson is now in her 4th trimester. The singer is expecting her first child and it feels like she’s been pregnant for 14 months. And for some reason, you care about this.

You’ve been checking the internet constantly to see if she’s had her baby yet. You’ve had enough of this extremely long pregnancy and you’re ready to move on with your life. You’re ready to read the gossip magazines about her delivery, hear about her harrowing birth story, see photos of her baby and then watch her lose weight on Jenny Craig.

You’re ready to move past the 6 stages of celebrity pregnancy obsession which include:

  1. Anger. I bet she got pregnant really easily.
  2. Jealousy. She loves to show off that baby bump.
  3. Blame. I hope she names the baby something stupid like ‘Cranberry Soda Simpson” or “Candy Cane Fudge Jr.”
  4. Hopefulness. Maybe she will remain fat.
  5. Bargaining. For the love of fertility, please don’t let her sister, Ashley, announce a pregnancy.
  6. Acceptance. Well, good for her. At least she’s not pregnant anymore.

If you suffer from celebrity pregnancy obsession, you are not alone.

3 Responses to “#621 Dear Jessica Simpson, have your baby already!”

  1. Andrew says:

    I have less experience of this, but constantly have my ears chewed off by my wife when she notices celebrity pregnancies, when Posh spice gave birth to… to… I can’t even write her name… her daughter, all I heard was “Jesus, look at what they have called her, she is NOT fit to be a parent”. Great post, it certainly rings true in our household.

  2. jordan 11 says:

    Luo Ji was surprised to see jordan retro 11.

  3. Kimbelry says:

    #3 – But she DID name her baby something stupid and retarded…. A little girl named…. MAXWELL!

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