Jul 22

Awww… the grandparent guilt trip.

Depending on whether you have a sensitive mother, you might get the ‘will I ever be a grandmother’ talk. Your mother might say it directly to you or you know that she is chatting about it to all her friends. If she is aware about your fertility struggles, than dear old mom should really keep it quiet. I have a great and sensitive mother but I don’t know about the rest of you.

The great grandmother guilt trip is even worse. Since your grandmother probably doesn’t know about your infertility struggles, she will always say that she will be ‘in her grave before she gets a great grandchild.’

You know what granny, you may be right! But I promise I will bring your great grandchild right to the grave site.

Your grandmother probably wouldn’t understand about infertility or IVF. In her day, no one was infertile or at least no one talked about in public (or blogged about it!). She might often ask you ‘when are you going to have a baby already?’ Since you don’t want to upset her, you tell her that ‘you don’t know’ or ‘it’s not up to you anymore.’ She will not understand either comment and will conclude that your husband isn’t ready yet. How come no one ever asks him this question?

Mother, Grandmother, you will get a grandchild when the doctor shoves my husband’s sperm into my uterus. Perhaps 4 to 10 years later, you will be able to call yourself ‘grandma.’ Congratulations! Mazel Tov!

13 Responses to “#944 Yes Mother. You might never be a grandmother”

  1. Eileen says:

    My grandmother is a devout Roman Catholic and did nothing but bitch and moan about how wrong IVF is last time she was here in CA. She was referring to the fact that my 43 year old aunt is going through the process right now trying to have a baby herself. She had no idea that I too was about to embark on the journey. I love my grandmother dearly, but I wanted to tell her to put on a sock in it about 100 times before she left our great state to hesd home to MA where she belongs. Thank God I live on the other coast.

  2. InfertileNaomi says:

    I'm impressed that your grandmother actually knows what IVF is. Mine has never heard of infertility treatments. She only knows the 'old fashion way.'

  3. BB says:

    As always… a good post! :)My grandma recently visited me and I was thoroughly surprised at how much she knew about Fertility issues (including the treatments). She is almost 80 and still works as a social worker… where they deal with womens issues. There are several doctors who work there too… and my oh my… my Grandma is a supper star! I was taken aback by her awareness… I hope I am like that (if and) when I turn that old!

  4. finding_ac says:

    well my mother acts like that…but my grandmother thinks i shouldnt have children, cause she thinks jesus is going to come before my children grow up- and she thinks it is selfish of me to have children. She also told this to my mother before she had me…so there goes that story about how fast christ's return is….

    ♥ ac

  5. Tink says:

    My mom is cool about it – totally supportive. My aunt also had to adopt from China, and my grandmother is very upset that I may have to do the same thing. She continually counters with – "but isn't it better to have your own?" When I agree with her but tell her it's an impossibility, she tells me that I should still have children the old fashioned way – and before she dies.

    But then, she is convinced that she isn't going to die until she converts my husband and I to Catholicism.

  6. jill says:

    bless your heart! my mom guilt trips me over paint colors … i can't imagine what it's like for you. lotsa love!

  7. InfertileNaomi says:

    Moms are great guilt trippers! Are we going to be that way too?

  8. Anonymous says:

    I feel very lucky to have a mom who is super duper supportive. Last month, we happened to be together when Aunt Flow made an appearance. When, through tears, I told her how MAD it makes me and that I just wanted to punch something, she offered to be my punching bag (think Sally Field, Shirley McClain and Olympia Dukakis in the graveyard scene in Steel Magnolias…but not quite that bad). If my daughter or son goes through this same thing, I have absolutely no room to be a guilt tripper, that's for sure!

  9. Marci says:

    My mother complained last time I was home that if I have a baby, instead of adopting a 5 or 6 year old, she’ll be dead before the kid’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Way to make it all about you, Mom!

  10. Besi says:

    I told my mom about my plans to start IVF today after a failed IUI. She was talking about how we deserve children and then something about she needs a grandbaby too. AND then she said “At least your dad has that lady’s grandkids”. My parents divorced and he remarried in 2003 – My stepmom has 5 grandkids (3 are under 3 years old). So it was a weird guilt trip…..

  11. Secondary Naomi says:

    My mum took 8 years to get pregnant with me so she totally understands,esp when my younger sister is knocked up again.

  12. Laura says:

    My mother-in-law gave us baby toys as a wedding gift. Two years ago. She hasn’t stopped asking since.

  13. ensha says:

    My mom doesn’t guilt trip me, she does the opposite. “Stop stressing/crying over your situation, maybe you’re just not supposed to have kids. There are so many people who don’t have children and they’re okay with it.” Thanks for the support, mom.

    My husband’s grandmother on the other hand… poor soul whenever she sees me she tells the people around how much she wishes to be a great grandmother (my husband is her oldest grand child) and sends an audible prayer to heaven. I politely bow my head and say Amen.