The fertile answering machine goes something like this: “Mary, Jack, Cindy, Carey and June can’t come to the phone right now. We are too busy having fun as a family. Call us back!”

How incredibly sweet but totally boring. Infertile answering machine greetings are much more fun for both personal and professional messages!

• If you are calling to tell me that you’re pregnant or having a baby shower, this line will automatically disconnect. For all other calls, kindly leave a message after the beep.
• We can’t come to the phone right now because my embryos are currently being removed from my uterus and then transferred to a test tube. Leave a message!
• Susie, Jack and our little test tube can’t come to the phone right now. We’ll call you back after hatching!
• Sorry we missed your call but it’s ovulation time! We’ll call you back in 36 hours!
• I can’t pick up the phone right now because I am too depressed about a negative pregnancy test. I’ll call you back next month if my period is late.
• Sorry I missed your call but I’m in my two week wait and I really don’t care about talking to you.
• You’ve reached Martha on December 12. I am out of the office this morning due to a transvaginal appointment but will return your call as soon as possible.
  
• I’ve stepped away from my desk to look for cervical mucus but will respond to your message immediately following my return.
  
• I will be out of the office, Mon, Tues and Wed morning before 10am and maybe Thursday or maybe Friday from 9-11am but can’t confirm this until later in the week. Please leave a detailed message.